Reviews For Eternal Mellyn
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: JDE Signed [Report This]
Date: 16/08/09 - 07:17 am Title: The Black Rose

I liked this very much, thank you! It is a beautiful take on the subject. Your prose is smooth and kept me happy all along the ride.

Author's Response: :) Thank you very much!

Reviewer: arulia34 Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/10/08 - 05:14 am Title: Chains

HEY! You never told me you updated! Awesome chapter, I feel a little bad for 'Ro though, snapping his wrist like that. And for Esmerelda and Carantino, they seemed close. Very cool, please update soon!

Author's Response: Very close ;) Shame they've got an author who loves tradgedy prociding over them XD I know, poor Elrohir! I really do love picking on him XD

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/07/08 - 08:09 pm Title: The Black Rose

I think this reads neatly, taking out unneeded characters usually does that. Is this one of your earlier works, as '' Chains '' has more description and less dialogue, I recently read a piece ( non Tolkien ) which was incredibly dialogue heavy, and excellent so I don't find that a bad thing in short bursts, but I think in Chains you balance dialogue and description very well and I do like reading a nice mix of both. I think Chains was spot on for the balance.
Well done, hugs, you worked hard and really made it much neater.

Author's Response: Yes, this was my very first fic, so it still has some bugs in it *Pokes it annoyed* It'll be right one day! Thanks for reviewing! And ypu've given me more confidence about Chains, but I'm still editing it tommorow

Reviewer: Eruwadhiel Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/07/08 - 12:03 am Title: Chains

During your rewrite, you might want to revisit the flashbacks. They made the story a little hard to follow (or maybe it was the second glass of wine :-) ) Overall a very enjoyable story, I can't wait to see the changes to it.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Eruwadhiel Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/07/08 - 11:59 pm Title: Chains

During your rewrite, you might want to revisit the flashbacks. They made the story a little hard to follow (or maybe it was the second glass of wine :-) ) Overall a very enjoyable story, I can't wait to see the changes to it.

Author's Response: lol, well, perhaps it was the wine ;p. Which flashbacks do you mean? The ones with Gloríon? Or all of them in general?

Reviewer: Lira_of_Imladris Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/07/08 - 10:11 pm Title: Chains

This was awesome!! Poor Rethan though, he got beat by a rock . . . Anyways, to answer your question, it's completely up to you I suppose, i'll miss the drunk-guy-that-Leggy-killed though but that's only because it was funny when he died. I am SOOOOO glad you updated, i was thinking about it the other night and I could barely remember what it was called, it's been so long! I hope your summer gets better and hopefully we'll be able to catch up at some point. Hope to talk soon - Li

Author's Response: Yep, Rethan got chunched by a rock XD I'll be able to update soon, when I've done my big massive edit thing which will be done by Saturday

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/07/08 - 02:44 pm Title: Chains

Hi, Gemini. I have noticed a really huge difference in some of your earlier work and this latest, it's really becoming deeper and richer so keep going!

I think Nazgrrl is right about OC's in general. I think the only way to use them is either to have them in a chapter briefly ( and not as an important role, just " guy at the bar, " or " unfortunate extra who gets killed, " ) or to concentrate on them enough so they become as real as canon characters. I tend to use " unfortunate extra " lol, as too many OC's do shift the focus from the main characters of the story and I think people like to focus on the main ones, either canon or OC. But I don't think that shows any weakness in your actual writing style, more of an experimental phase with different characters, which is actually good considering how many people focus solely on Legolas and OFC for instance and don't even want to try out different characters. But i would tend to agree than unless they are really necessary to a plot, they can be ditched.
I am a perpetual editor and always going back and changing bits, so when you've edited, I'll go back and re-read and give you some feedback.
take care.

Author's Response: XD Thanks! Well, it's been a year since I started writing, so I hope it has improved ^_^ Alright, I've got the thumbs up for the editing thing, so I'll go and fix that at some point before saturday, when I've got some spare time

Reviewer: Lira_of_Imladris Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/04/08 - 09:09 am Title: Chains

Here's a question for you mate, why do i constantly think that Glorion is Legolas' brother?? Maybe i shouldn't have been climbing in those trees yesterday . . . meh, i'm a danger magnet, life ain't fun without a bit of danger! ^L^ This was good and now i'm sad for Ro, 'tis not fair to him. Now i wanna know when there's gonna be a chapter about Glorfy and whoever he's with, don't remember, might have to read that again . . . See ya laterz and thanks for the new chapter, thought i'd go insane without something to read!! - Li

Author's Response: Chapter about Glorfindel's going to be the next one. And no, Gloríon is not Legolas' brother, lol

Reviewer: arulia34 Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/04/08 - 07:49 am Title: Chains

Oh, so CUTE!!! I love flashbacks, I need to make my own at some point. *Gasp* Poor Glorion! Seth shall pay! And poor Elrohir, he's so . . . Elrohir. XD I sure hope Elladan and Glorion escape, and that Seth gets what he deserves! Great chapter, can't wait for the next!! ^.^

Author's Response: XD Suck in the cuteness! ;) Yep, Seth *will* pay, Glorfindel will make sure of it!

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/04/08 - 06:58 am Title: Chains

I really enjoyed the flashback scene, it is good to discover more about Gloríon, very nicely done!

Author's Response: Thanks! Gloríon's character is possibly one of the more interesting ones I have created and it was great to finally be able o write about him!

Reviewer: Lira_of_Imladris Signed [Report This]
Date: 29/03/08 - 07:26 pm Title: Chains

Seth should be kiled be having his ear cut off and it getting infected, that answer is obvious mate. Glorion showing up as a slave . . . interesting, very interesting. And yes, this chapter was good and one day you're not going to think that about any of your work because it's all brilliant and i know that you know it. I must admit, that little girl is awesome, i can so totally imagine allowing a little girl to order him around and when he knelt down beside Glorion, it's just woah, totally Elladan. Anyway, i should run, there'sa couple of things i need to do - Li

Author's Response: lol, oh, is it THAT obvious huh? lol, I love Elladan being ordered around by this little kid. And :D Thanks!

Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/03/08 - 02:22 pm Title: Chains

Touche.

Yes, Annatar was probably extremely attractive, but for goodness sake! He was a DARK LORD after all! =0

Anyway, I'll stop cluttering up your reviews with long and probably boring conversations. I learned my lesson after doing something of the kind with Karlmir Stonewain's "Pax Gondoria" or was that the name I suggested . . . ** jolts back to reality** Sorry. I'll stop now.

NZ

Author's Response: lol, it's quite alright, Shadow Ranger used to do the same thing until he abandoned FF for RPG sites *Growl*rnlol, so what if Annatar was the Dark Lord? *winks* It's quite writing as a villian, I'm going to be doing a fair bitrnof that in Angeles y Daemons...Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/03/08 - 02:02 pm Title: Chains

Sigh. Okay, I just finished archive-binging on this and "the Black Rose." I have a few thoughts, if you want to hear them.

In "Black Rose" and "Chains" there are a couple of spelling/grammar mistakes . . . the one that is prominent at the moment is "He excited the cave." Can caves feel emotions? Hmmm. . . . Sorry-getting off track. The point is, it should be "exited."

At the moment, I find all of the OCs running around a little distracting, and with another one added, I think it will just get worse.

Brownie points for you for keeping this under PG-13 for the most part!

I'm more interested in this "dark elf" who started the avalanche, then the rather pathetic sounding elf on the farm. ( elf, elf on the farm, where people are treated with harm . .. *sung to "Home, Home on the Range." =))

Which brings up another point: In the last couple of paragraphs on this update, it seems that the action isn't clearly presented. I have no idea who is speaking, and then all of a sudden, another OC comes and starts arguing with Mr. Pathetic Elf-guy! ( sorry, that's my rant for the morning.)

Seth should be killed by drowning in a vat of poisoned beer, a la Tower of London.

One last thing, if you do a werewolf thing, stay away from full moons, and make the vampires ugly, because otherwise it will seem like they're good, and all of the bad characters were never very attractive. (Honestly, can you think of Legolas falling for Shelob? No? Neither can I)

So there is my very long list of responses to your stories.

Keep it up!
NZ

Author's Response: lol, first off, thanks for reviewing!rnSecond *groans* stupid errors, yeah, I saw somewhere before I wrote "week" instead of "weak" I really need to read overrnmy work and check for errors.rnYeah, it ended up with a LOT of OC's *Blushes* Sorry, it's just my ideas change a lot, and I find it hard just to stickrnto cannon charactersrnMm, I agree with you, the Dark Elf IS interesting and I should really write more about him...rnOk I'll try fixing up the last update!rnlol, drowning hm? The idea holds promise!rnStaying WELL away from full moons! That's just BORING and the sunlight issue...I disagree, some bad charactersrnCAN be VERY attractive, think Sauron in the form of Annatar! rnThanks for the majorlly long review, much appreciated =)

Reviewer: Beregond5 Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/03/08 - 09:30 am Title: Chains

Have I ever mentioned how evil you are? *pats Elladan on the back. Realises mistake too late*

Oops...

As for Seth... I'd suggest a chainsaw, but there aren't any in Middle-earth. :p

Author's Response: lol, you may have mentioned it once or twice...And yes, Elladan will now kill you, he got whipped there!rnlol, chainsaws in Middle Earth, if only ^_^ Hm...*Plotting evil scheme*

Reviewer: arulia34 Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/03/08 - 02:17 am Title: Chains

OOH!!! GLORION!!! And why did you do that to his ear?! Ah, I know, because we humans cannot have pointy ears *bows head* Damnit . . . love it so far, saes, update!!! Or I'll do an Estel!!! "Again again again again again!!!" Ah, Elladan's going to have a sad time tonight, LOL!! ^.^

Author's Response: Why do I do most things to these elves? One word...Got it?...TOTURE *Evil Gloríon laugh from when you made himrnevil* Glad to hear you love it, think Em's given up >.< Thanks again, update asap!

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/03/08 - 02:31 pm Title: Chains

Re Gloríon's wound. Hum, see this is the thing: Elves were immensely tough. They are supposed to be able to last indefinitely really, until their bodies fade and they just become souls, but really they are supposed to last thousands upon thousands of years.

That is why they simply don't get diseases/infections in the general way .

Some-one worked out Maedhros was Morgoth's prisoner for 19 years before he was rescued. He could not have got infections or he would have been black with necrosis and blood poisoning, since he was not well treated to put it mildly. It is one of the very clear differences between Elves and Men.

I think if it was me I would go for his soul beginning to loosen it's hold on his body, as can happen as when Elves die of grief and him * giving up * in that way.

The other way is for these men to somehow know what can poison an Elf, I don't know how, I don't know how Eol concocted a poison that could kill an Elf and I doubt he was in contact with orcs ( who might know ).

It's possible that some-one among the Men there might know and use some form of diluted poison on Gloríon to try and weaken him. They would have to be quite careful though, if it was too strong it would kill him.

Looking forward to seeing Seth and the others get their comeuppance. I will get shamelessly enthusiastic about it.

Author's Response: Litreally one or two seconds after I sent the last reply to you my beta suggested poison on the blade, deliberately rnput to cause more pain/prevent it from healing properly. I'm thinking I'll say something like that, certain poisonsrnCAN mess with people's minds causing their wills to break down, so it just explains everything ^-^ Thanks for helping!

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/03/08 - 01:26 pm Title: Chains

Gloríon could kill him, it would do him a lot of good, I think. His father died killing a Balrog, for goodness sake, he needs Elladan to remind him of that .
Actually - Glorfindel could kill him! Seth could attack him and end up mince, I like the thought of that.

Great twist - a son of Glorfindel :), but poor thing, he needs to come into his own. Mind you, I do believe that with enough bad treatment and beating and lack of hope any Elf can get to that stage, just as people can; it's different when you have a sword and are in battle.

I don't think anything is wrong with it - save I am not sure about the infection on Gloríon. I know certain poisons can kill - as Aredhel was killed by a poison spear, and why would Eol poison it? To be sure he killed Maeglin who he was aiming for? He must have known Maeglin would recover from any non-fatal wound and was making sure even a small one would kill him, if he threw awry. - but I was under the impression that with normal wounds they did not suffer from things like blood poisoning etc.
If they did, Maedhros for instance, hung up by one hand on Thangorodrim for a long, long time would have lost his arm completely I should think, or got gangrene before he was rescued. That is the only bit which I would change, since by what you read in Tolkien wounds that would kill a man Elves will heal from and I think that would include general infections.
Of course, it could have picked up a poison from some strange weed or something in the slave fields, or the Men there might have poisons.

Anyway, apart from that, good job! I would like to see Glorfindel meet Seth I think, since I always love some Glorfindel action!

Author's Response: Yeah, Gloríon's a bit beaten at the moment, but Elladan'll fire him up :D lol, I agree, Glorfindel killing Seth wouldrnbe most amusing :DrnGah...Stupid elven immunities. Ok, really, they rock. But in cases like these they're annoying...My beta suggests; rn"Maybe just general ill treatment. Maybe they repeatedly re-opened the wound." - although that's more of a how rnfor mortals not an elf...oh, wait, now he says, "If they were continually taking the scab off it a not allowing it to heal rnI doubt even the Elvish resistance would stop infection coming in after time." - Any thoughts?rn

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/02/08 - 08:00 am Title: Nightmare Reality

You know; your talent lies in Darkfic's d;-). I really like this; keep writing.

Author's Response: Ooh, it does?! Excellente! That's good, I love being evil!

Reviewer: Lira_of_Imladris Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/02/08 - 02:36 am Title: Nightmare Reality

Can't think of any except the one i had last night but that doesn't count. And so true, Healers only exist to be the worst patients when they're ill. Hmm, i might have some fun with Nirorn then, he's a kinda healer guy. Talk to ya later - Li

Author's Response: I forget nightmares :D And yep helaers are bad at being the healed. I should have more fun with these guys :D

Reviewer: arulia34 Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/02/08 - 02:33 am Title: Nightmare Reality

The nightmare Ryn'll probably have when he realises he doesn't kiss Elladan once in this fanfic. Aha, I LOVE THIS!!!

Author's Response: That be because Ryn is YOUR character, and last I checked you're quite pocessieve of them. XD Yay, thanksrnfor the love!

No results found.
You must login (register) to review.