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Title: A Mortal in an Undying Land- Frodo in Valinor Reviewer: xiaoyang Signed
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Date: Aug 18 2016 10:33 pm [Report This]
Title: A Mortal in an Undying Land- Frodo in Valinor Reviewer: qqqqqing Signed
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Date: May 22 2016 09:53 pm [Report This]
Title: A Mortal in an Undying Land- Frodo in Valinor Reviewer: cai20160114 Signed
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Date: Jan 14 2016 03:23 am [Report This]
Title: A Mortal in an Undying Land- Frodo in Valinor Reviewer: Bearer of Light Anonymous

Welcome to the world of fanfiction! *hugs*

Your story is very compelling so far. There aren't very many stories out there that focus on what happened in Vallinor or what it even is. I guess the reason why is that Tolkien didn't give us much information on it!

Your writing is really neat except it would be easier for the readers (and less headaching) if you spaced out your paragraphs. Common misspelling is the word tongue. I remember when I first started writing I also mixed the u up so dont' worry about it! ;)

Another thing I wanted to tell you is about dialog. Your dialog is too squished in. It needs to be like this:

"Who are you?" he asked with curiosity in his eyes.

"I am so-and-so," the figure replied. "I am from etc...."

Great job! I look forward to seeing where this will be going!

-Beol

Date: Mar 16 2010 10:05 am [Report This]
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