While it is always fascinating to read a yet another one of girl-falls-into-ME stories, you seem to have made a few errors.
There are a few grammatical and spelling mistakes. Perhaps getting a beta reader or paying careful attention when triple checking your story would be best.
I also noticed that you told DarkLuck that grammar in the US is rather different from that of the original mother country. You're quite right. However "suppose" in the very first paragraph, should have been "supposed". There are several little mistakes like this one and I assure you, they are identical in both the United States and England.
Nearer the end, Ithilin says she has a three year old. However when Legolas asks her how many children she has, she replies that she has a seven year old girl and a five and a half year old boy. Where did the three year old go?
You are also using Grelvish. That is not the right kind of Elvish, merely a mockery, and the people who "created" it should be shot. You might find this link a little more useful...http://realelvish.tripod.com/
Me-in-ME stories are notoriously hard to write. For someone whi just landed in a foreign land, a foreign universe rather, Ithilin is very calm. A certain sangfroid is good but had any sane person suddenly found themselves on Mars, there'd be major hysterics going on.
You also want to have a Mary Sue that hopefully has a few quirks, makes a few mistakes. That would make her more human, not this annoying creature that should really be gotten rid off. We none of us are perfect!
The Fellowship is on a mission, one that will possibly claim their lives. All of a sudden they stumble on a female and immediately decide to take her into their midst. How odd.
You say that Legolas is the one who takes Ithilin under his wing. Canon and un-canon Legolas would ,b>not do something like that.
Perhaps you should read Adoralyna's trilogy. That also features a girl from our time stranded in ME. You might find that helpful.
Author's Response: I thank you for the link. I am forever looking for true Tolkien Elvish. It seems that every one has their own take on it. As Ithilin is a version of myself and I have some knowledge of the Medieval period as well as outdoor survival she is and will be the way she is written. I did not write her to be the perfect beauty with magical powers that come from the Valar. I wrote her as I view myself with all my flaws. Ithilin judges before she gets to know. She learns not to. She speaks her mind before she really thinks about it. So therefore she is not perfect and has flaws. As to why would any of the Fellowship take her under their wing(canon or otherwise), my answer is "Why not?" If we did not envision the impossible dreams would never come true. How do you think we got some of the inventions we have today? I shall look at Adoralyna's stories as I have time to do so. She thought this one was quite good though. She asked me to post it here.
Ok, I thought this was going to be one of those epic OFC AU romances. That is why I chose to read it.
You seem to think that 'Mary Sue' is a genre? Erm...No! Mary Sue=Shit Fic. You should be aiming for Original Female Character in an AU setting. Think on this...
Here is some concrit:
You are supposed to be writing Tolkien fanfic - where exactly is the Tolkien in this fiction? Using character names isnt enough. They arent even canon. Where is the sense of atmosphere? Where is the Middle earth aspect? You failed to set any of your scenes and it shows that you havent read the books or done ANY research.
The characters are all very poorly thought through and under developed. You dont give us any reasoning as to why they are non-canon. Why is Boromir suddenly a nasty rapist? Why is this woman attractive to an elf? The connection you meant to have between them is very weak and completely throws any plausibility this fic may have had.
The numerous grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes show this hasnt been Beta Read. If you dont care enough to even proof read your story, why should readers care enough to bother reading?
I can see you have planned a whole series of similiar stories and no doubt the thought of correcting errors and fleshing out characters is abhorrent to you.
I shall move on and just say that I was disappointed with this fiction and the reasoning for that is as above.
Good luck with your future fantasy writings and please continue to have fun.
Author's Response: I am sorry that you feel that way about this story. This story has, in fact, been nominated and won third place in the MPA Awards this year. I have read the book and everyones' take on a particular character can be slightly different. Not to mention the fact of human nature when a woman is dropped in the middle of a group of men that have not been with a woman in months. Even the most honourable man can be a cad in the company of a woman. As for the Spelling errors? well my dear as we are on opposite sides of the Atlantic, my spelling and your spelling are completely different. In closing, you WERE given fair warning that this story was, in fact, a Mary-Sue fic. If youdon't like them stay away from them.