Hello, Dae. Well, first I have to say, I could not write two words in another language, so well done. You could use a beta, for some of the mistakes, which believe me, even English speakers make. And they have no excuse. This sentence: ' She *run* to the beautiful maiden who was sitting not far away, gazing thoughtfully *to* nothing...' , should be she ran and ' thoughtfully at nothing.' You should use speech marks to indicate conversation, I have seen only one ( published ) book written as you are writing it here, using - before some-one speaks, but it makes it more difficult for the reader to follow. If you want to send me that chapter and let me send it back to you back with those corrections shown in bold italics or something, I am more than happy to. If it pleases you to leave it as it is, no worries. I must say I am always impressed when some-one who is ESL writes, since again, I could not even say '' hello '' in your native tongue, and I hope you will continue to write, but if you need any pointers, let me know. The mistakes are easily made and as easily corrected. Take care.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! And for your advices. I'll try to follow them. As I said I'm new here and there are many things I need to learn (rating for example, for I did it only by intuition). I'll try to be more careful.