You must login (register) to review.
Title: Introduction Reviewer: ylq Signed

Three adidas schuhe little Red nike factory Army. adidas He left the nike store hope of life to nike free 5.0 others and left thomas sabo the threat ralph lauren factory store of death redskins nfl jersey to beats headphones himself. They patriots nfl jersey always omega watches think lacoste outlet for barbour the sake of others, and they are brave and beats by dre forward michael kors outlet in the ralph lauren polos hardships pandora jewellery of cheap oakley the hollister long march roshe run and hold ray ban sunglasses outlet back their ideals five finger shoes and determination ferragamo until the michael kors outlet very last nike free minute. coach outlet There burberry are trail blazers jersey many nba shoes such touching new balance examples. It nike canada is salvatore ferragamo precisely because skechers shoes the Red oakley sunglasses outlet Army north face soldiers, burberry handbags who hilfiger outlet sacrificed michael kors outlet themselves air max and help juicy couture each the north face other, have infected ray ban sunglasses outlet millions of burberry people nike mercurial in supra shoes the air max motherland. grizzlies jersey Everyone's spirit vans is hilfiger online shop brought together michael kors to become a handbags outlet new burberry outlet era for bcbg max today. oakley outlet online Although 70 tory burch outlet years have passed longchamp outlet since the long march soccer shoes of timberland shoes the the north face outlet Red Army, the nike free run story air max 90 of the Long March prada is salomon well skechers shoes outlet known prada outlet and coach outlet the burberry outlet online spirit coach outlet of the reebok Long March has occhiali ray ban so christian louboutin far barbour jackets been immortal. Although baseball bats the raiders nfl jersey Long March ray ban is due to bottega a strategic chi flat iron shift burberry uk of michael kors outlet mistakes, in the north face the swarovski jewelry distance, it reflects michael kors australia the spirit tommy hilfiger of titans nfl jersey the broncos nfl jersey soldiers burberry canada fighting north face outlet hardships marc jacobs and cheap jerseys indomitable adidas fighting versace outlet spirit. christian louboutin shoes Moreover, rolex watches during air max 2015 the arduous ed hardy and browns nfl jersey tense moments of fidget spinner the Long March, converse they texans nfl jersey cultivated air force friendship ralph lauren among ralph lauren people, hollister learned a ralph lauren tacit understanding when vans shoes they were hogan in jazz jersey trouble, and swarovski provided ray-ban sunglasses a cooperative relationship between soldiers and ferragamo uk fighters, nike roshe fighters and people, tommy hilfiger and philipp plein let jordan shoes people scarpe hogan Trust the Red Army. christian louboutin The Red Army roshe runs soldiers fred perry outlet in coach outlet store the Long los angeles lakers jerseys March ralph lauren polo braved adidas shoes the new balance enemy's adidas tracksuits bullets beats by dr dre and bullets, michael kors overcame eagles nfl jersey the prada handbags difficulties and chrome hearts outlet dangers giuseppe zanotti of nike the michael kors outlet online sale picture vividly, oakley sunglasses outlet "The hogan shoes Red Army is not flat iron afraid hugo boss online of expedition nike air difficult, iphone case thousands nike of miles only vikings nfl jersey leisurely. christian louboutin outlet , steelers nfl jersey Dadu roshe run Bridge bears nfl jersey horizontal iron coach black friday cable cold.More comfortable jimmy choo Mili falcons nfl jersey snow, burberry handbags outlet after valentino the oakley sungalsses outlet army hollisterco to make Yan. "No longchamp handbags matter cleveland cavaliers jersey who are deeply oakley touched. hilfiger Without pandora jewelry the nets jerseys Long March there bills nfl jersey is no China today. In watches the new long march michael kors bags toward dolphins nfl jersey communism, cheap nfl jerseys we mcm backpack still need fendi outlet the spirit of the chiefs nfl jersey Long seahawks nfl jersey March, which is rolex montre not nike roshe afraid of birkenstock outlet hardships, dsquared2 outlet is oakley sungalsses outlet not afraid mont blanc pens of christian louboutin tiredness, prada sunglasses and is tenacious and hard-working. swarovski canada We 49ers nfl jersey also need burberry to sacrifice ray ban ourselves nike shoes outlet and charlotte hornets jersey help red bottoms each raptors jersey other. nike In spurs jersey our pelicans jersey learning coach outlet usa life, horloges we stone island should rolex watches for sale learn boston celtics jerseys even reebok shoes more from handbags outlet this oakley vault Long March kate spade outlet spirit. nike air max Long true religion jeans March is oakley sungalsses outlet my coach outlet forever monument.In burberry outlet my eyes, the long march essay 900 word thomas sabo Red ray ban wayfarer Army adidas shoes is azcardinals nfl jersey not nike air max afraid replica watches of expeditionary longchamp difficulties, iphone cases thousands of oakley sunglasses miles only hollister clothing store leisurely, jordan release dates Wu Ling ralph laurenhermes 迤 Teng fine nfl jerseys waves, Wumeng ray bans pounds swarovski crystal take soccer outlet mud givenchy antigona pill. warriors jersey Sands ralph lauren online shop Shuiyun Cliff warm, Dadu new balance shoes bridge horizontal jaguars nfl jersey iron ralph lauren outlet online cable softball bats cold, more burberry outlet online enjoy nba jersey Minshan chargers nfl jersey thousands of swarovski miles of snow, ecco shoes after eyeglasses online the timberland outlet march hollister clothing to polo ralph lauren open mcm backpack outlet Yan. jets nfl jersey "This woolrich outlet well-known coach outlet online seven-character poem lunette oakley describes a barbour jackets great rolex watches strategic tory burch sandals shift jordan in the instyler history of cheap mlb jerseys our country." In October 19XX, Chiang air max shoes Kai-shek c.c beanies mobilized 500,000 troops replica handbags and launched michael kors the new york knicks jerseys fifth nike roshe run "encirclement cheap shoes and supra shoes suppression dallas mavericks jersey campaign" huarache against the tn pas cher Central cheap true religion Revolutionary Base. As oakley sunglasses outlet the pandora leader fitflop of nike air the michael kors outlet Central philadelphia 76ers jersey Committee of ralph lauren outlet the Communist los angeles clippers jerseys Party, hoodies outlet Bogut wizards jersey and bucks jersey the salvatore ferragamo military Although the long champ Red ray ban Army was brave versace outlet and nike shoes outlet fierce air jordans for rolex watches one year jimmy choo shoes and adidas paid nike free run a michaelkors.com heavy toll, it failed oakley sungalsses outlet to michael kors crush skechers the michael kors outlet enemy's "encirclement and philipp plein outlet suppression ray ban campaign." north face In lions nfl jersey October true religion outlet store 19XX, the timberland boots Central ray ban sunglasses Party Committee retro jordans was soccer shoes outlet forced to abandon burberry uk the buccaneers nfl jersey revolutionary base adidas yeezy shoes areas of beats by dre headphones the oakley sungalsses outlet Central Government and tommy hilfiger carry out coach factory outlet strategic puma transfers. longchamp Mighty timberland twenty-five saints nfl jersey thousand miles thomas sabo charms long christian louboutin shoes march opened the ferragamo shoes prologue.Sichuan celine handbags Du panthers nfl jersey Chishui, omega watches Qiaoduan michael kors outlet Jinsha River, nike flying Luding Bridge, turning the nike free snow-capped mountains, ralph lauren uk over ralph lauren outlet the grass orlando magic jersey ...... converse sneakers Along ray ban the way coach outlet the difficulties hermes birkin and burberry outlet dangers, suns jersey the Red rams nfl jersey Army coach purses outlet officers cowboys nfl jersey and men cheap jerseys with hollister clothing store their vans own fred perry firm bcbg dresses Belief and ray ban tenacious oakley outlet will oakley sunglasses outlet survive. relojes 18 prada shoes mountains, 24 cheap oakley sunglasses rivers juicy couture outlet and calvin klein 12 longchamp outlet provinces, northface occupying converse 62 cities and burberry outlet breaking through denver nuggets jersey the true religion outlet encirclement michael kors of 10 barbour jacket outlet local michael kors outlet online warlords michael kors usa ... north face backpacks These figures shock everyone ray ban sunglasses and can chicago bulls jerseys not help new balance outlet but marvel dsquared2 at giants nfl jersey us! the north face jackets The tenacious will of basketball shoes the uhren Red coach outlet Army mk outlet online is asics outlet a cheap jerseys revolutionary new balance fire nike store burning pacers jersey in cheap ray ban the oakley sunglasses cheap heart colts nfl jersey of every longchamp handbags outlet Red Army, and mlb jerseys forging detroit pistons jerseys a coach factory outlet miracle michael kors outlet of history! , ray ban Looking true religion ahead, cheap nhl jerseys a hopeless white, ralph lauren cold breeze.High coach outlet online altitude even nike air max more birkenstock to the Red Army kings jersey soldiers deadly suffocation, step armani exchange down coach factory outlet online is knee-jerk barbour jackets outlet ice and giuseppe shoes snow in the face pandora of difficulties, cheap nike shoes they michael kors uk did not bow, dressed nike store in unlined pandora charms , christian louboutin Biting designer handbags his teeth adidas in air huarache the nba jerseys outlet past, dansko shoes with pandora uk tenacious nike will and perseverance mcm handbags conquered kate spade the snow-capped mountains in ray ban the vast eyeglass frames grassland, coachfactory.com/shop there swarovski is polo ralph lauren no direction, the michael kors outlet online shadow of babyliss hunger like nfl jerseys the clouds hermes outlet shrouded ralph lauren in the kate spade outlet head cheap jordans of houston rockets jersey every ray ban outlet Red tommy hilfiger outlet Army womens clothing soldiers. Hungry, digging mizuno running wild hollister vegetables asics to eat, tired, supporting polo outlet online each other to rest air max and polo ralph lauren outlet embark converse shoes on nike air max the michael kors handbags journey under armour ... The michael kors bags Long nhl jerseys March, a mbt shoes journey oakley vault on birkenstock behalf ravens nfl jersey of packers nfl jersey justice, its success is air max 2015 inevitable, Because true religion jeans outlet it coach black friday represents polo ralph lauren outlet online the hearts polo outlet and bottega veneta minds of coach outlet online the bengals nfl jersey people, and kate spade outlet they puma shoes will adidas never give oklahoma city thunder jerseys in before levi's jeans the polo ralph difficulties air max and they nike huarache will never michael kors uk bow miami heat jerseys their heads before marc jacobs they die, and mcm handbags they are timberwolves jersey gritty, jordan retro not mcm bags afraid of nike sacrifice, michael kors Perseverance and north face jackets self-improvement of the national

atlanta hawks jersey
Date: Dec 20 2017 02:08 am [Report This]
Title: How it began Reviewer: belkar bitterleaf Signed
Haha, time off from homework does you good, less boring that way too. : ) I like the lack of detail, weather doen on purpose or accident; it makes you eager to read the next enstallment. Even so it's a bit short, maybe the next shorter could be longer? Just a suggestion.
Please don't leave as you said you may, I see alot of potential in your writing - sorry that sounded quite hypocryitical as I haven't long since joined but I couldn't think of another way to say it -
Don't stop writing!

Author's Response: Heya, thanks for the comment. The next part will be longer but my Geography homework prevented me from makinrnit longer! lol. I will carry on writing! Anyway better carry on with my ICT work. The teacher keeps walking round!rnTake care! Trinity-Rose
Date: Jan 10 2008 02:55 pm [Report This]
Title: Introduction Reviewer: xFanarix Signed
Well done for posting a '' First ''. It does sound more like an '' off topic '' story, however, as Phoenix , Angel etc are not Tolkien. It could be an original fiction, I think and does not need to be set in Middle-earth. They are basically too powerful to join with the Fellowship, and would just take it over which is simply not a good thing. The Fellowship moved in secrecy and with stealth, not with three powerful females, there is just no right way to write that. And I have to agree about the clothing; Eowyn went into battle in Rohirric armor, which was probably pretty heavy and uncomfertable; no female warrior would wear a skirt and corset, it is simply not practical for anything. However as an original fic in your own invented world, you could make a good story around the characters. Take care!

Author's Response: Heya thanks for commenting, this group wont bejoining the fellowship, for some reason my computer had a hissy fit and put down 'The fellowship' instead of 'original character'. Thanxz for the points!Trinity-Rose
Date: Jan 09 2008 02:27 pm [Report This]
Title: Introduction Reviewer: Anwyn Signed
Hey there bloodsunrise, welcome to the site! I saw your message that this is your first fanfiction and good for you for taking that step :) If I may, I would like to offer some suggestions on your story just to consider. Firstly, I realize that that this is just the first chapter of your story but it seems to read more like a character sheet for an RPG than a story in the sense its telling us about the characters apperance a great deal but not giving more. You could have incoperated it into a chapter if you were to, for example (Of your character pheonix) "Pheonix walked along the well worn path in the woods, the sun glinting off her fiery red hair as her blue eyes searched the trees" Something like that, you are telling us about her which is fine but it is more intresting to learn about her through the process of a story. Also, while Tolkien created many strange and wonderful creatures for his Middle Earth there were no Pheonix's or Angels, There were the great eagles and the Maia which I personally view as somewhat angelic but no great firebirds and "Angels" Also, all of your characters described her sound like they are Mary sues and there are a few tell tale signs and while you are free to write as you wish of course and I am only giving some guidance I hope you at least consider this. Some of the traits I have noticed is that all of your characters are beatiful, perfect and female warriors with swords and the case of Pheonix, magical powers such as the control of fire, that is another mary sue trait in that there were not that many "magical" beings on Middle Earth. Also, you described at some length the clothing of your characters which is very impratical though it may seem "sexy" A warrior who wears a coresette and high slit skirt, for all the good it may do them they may as well rush into battle completely naked, though again its your call, Its just a personal peeve that I see quite a few women in middle earth wearing corsettes and I seriously doubt they excisted and even if they did corsettes are meant to give shape *under* a dress, not comprise the entire outfit itself. Also when you use the term "looks like an Elf" I find that incredibly vague, as there are some physical differences between a mortal woman and elleth reading the story I would like to know if I was standing there looking at Pheonix *How* I would know she is an Elf and not a mortal woman. On that same note, please do not just say "She looks like an Elf becuase she has pointy ears" there is a great deal more than that, and if you wish to pursue that than I suggest you do your research. I have noticed that you list the "Fellowship" as other characters in the story and if the plot involves your three characters joining the fellowship on their quest then I ask you label the story as "AU" as most people avoid "Tenth Walker" stories or in this case it would be 3 additional walkers assuming all 3 of these characters joining and it goes completely against canon in so many ways and it is an impossible scenerio yet a common one strangely considering that the quest of the Ring was one of such importance that the idea that Gandalf would let just anyone they meet along the road join them is completely laughable and unrealistic.

Those are just some thoughts, Best of luck to you :)

Author's Response: Heya,thanks for all the points I could use. My characters wont be joining the fellowship, they may meet them but they wont join them. As for the corset, i think i said it was a corset like top,instead of an a real corset. Thanks for taking the time to readand reviewing.Take care. Trinity-Rose
Date: Jan 09 2008 02:06 pm [Report This]
Title: Introduction Reviewer: belkar bitterleaf Signed
OOOOOO! I feel the beginings of a saga of some large story coming! Is this some a guide to different original charcters you have created.

Author's Response: Heya, Thanks for commenting.The introduction was just a way to introduce the characters.The new chapter is the startof the story! Trinity-Rose
Date: Jan 09 2008 02:03 pm [Report This]
You must login (register) to review.