Reviews For Shadow of Death
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Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 15/01/08 - 09:40 am Title: Chapter 1

A bit of a Sue, as you immediately slammed her amazing beauty at the reader which makes most readers think '' Sue. '' Better to introduce her looks gradually, possibly? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. There have been times in history when to be fair was the epitome of beauty and dark haired women were unfashionable, and even some-one like Liv Tyler would not have been considered lovely. And the opposite applies. To an Elf a Mortal woman would be nothing special. Still it is nice to see Mortal-Mortal pairings, because of the above, since Elves have so rarely found Mortal females attractive I can hold one finger up [ Aegnor and Andreth ]. Writers of OFC's always have to work twice as hard to not fall into the Sue trap, unfair perhaps but there are so many out there. It's no crime for any-one to write a OFC as being beautiful, but most readers will not feel any connection unless she has recognizable flaws, and thus not really care about her. She's not horribly Sue-ish though. With some flaws [ and not having every guy attracted to her another Sue red flag ] like Nazgrrl said, it could be a great story. It's not Mortal-Elf, so that makes it already 20 times better than the Legolas OFC's out there. Plus, your writing has a nice flow to it,and you are not using modernisms, it sounds authentic, so all in all, thumbs up. Take care, happy writing!

Author's Response: Yeah, I had actually changed it, but I forgot to put the changes up here. Thanks for noticing. =)

Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 14/01/08 - 10:27 pm Title: Chapter 1

This is pretty good, but I think that you've got a mild case of Mary-Sueism on your hands.

It just seems a bit hard to believe that, with a wound of the ugliness you've described, the heroine could be up and walking about a day after being found with a horrible, probably almost infected wound, magic paste or no.

Other than that, you have a great idea for a story.

NZ

P.S. One way to combat the Sueism is to make some fault in your character: impatience, wicked gossip, etc.

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