Reviews For Moving away
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: lovelovelove legolas Signed [Report This]
Date: 25/03/09 - 07:03 pm Title: Chapter 3

i really liked it! keep up the good work!

Reviewer: Katerinna Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/04/08 - 05:58 pm Title: Chapter 3

You are writing an interesting story. I am enjoying it and anxiously await the next chapter.

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/01/08 - 11:28 am Title: Chapter 1

All Elves reach adulthood at the same age, which is 50, it does not matter which Elf Kingdom they are born in. She would be able to marry then if she wished, but remember, no Elf is forced into marriage, so why would she be nervous? They marry for love or at least of free will. I think a good beta could make some of your sentences less short and choppy, don't be afraid to make them a little longer . For instance: '' Erana had enough. She put her plate down and walked to her pack. She grabed [ grabbed ] her knife and walked away from the group. '' This could flow a lot more smoothly if you wrote something like: '' Erana had had enough. Putting down her plate she went to her pack, picked up her knife and walked away from the group. '' Very short sentences are jarring, just as run-on ones are rather confusing. A good proofreader would show you how to make the writing more fluid. Please, please do not use OK in fanficition, OK was not invented until the 19th Century, and it sounds just so * off * in Tolkien, [ AU or not ] he did not use it and the best rule of thumb is to read what he wrote and have your characters speak like that. He used language beautifully. There are also some authors on here who know exactly how Elves and Mortals and Dwarves speak. Since I won't direct you to NC17 writers, I would say go and check out Ria and Nieriel Raina's stories for wonderful dialogue and authentic Tolkienesque atmosphere. Take care.

Author's Response: Well I checked before I wrote it down and I read that elves reach adulthood at the age of hundred. They come into puberty at the age of 50. I thought I should make it right if I write a story. :) But internet isn't so reliable, so thank you for your correction. rnABout the nervouseness, she isn't nervouse about marriage, she is nervouse because all of the talk of marriage. She won't be forced into a marriage because I know that elves can die from that. but maybe I have to tell that. rnI do apreceate your review. I never writen stories before, and I am dutch, so my Enlish is not that good. rnMaybe you can help me with something else too. I have absolutely no clue what NC-17 PG-17 or any of that means. rnI realy want this to be a good story and not a Mary Sue, but it is hard. do you know anyone who can read it for me? rnI'll change the ok :P Sorry about that.. you are absolutely right. :DrnrnTHank you for your review.rnrnLinlize

Reviewer: Katerinna Signed [Report This]
Date: 22/01/08 - 12:14 am Title: Chapter 2

I am enjoying your story very much. Your characters are well defined and interesting. You are doing a good job. Keep up the good work!

You must login (register) to review.