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Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 18/02/08 - 06:27 pm Title: Chapter 5

Hmm. This is getting "curiouser and curiouser" in the words of a great author.

NZ

Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 18/02/08 - 04:02 pm Title: Chapter 1

Hmmm. The plot thickens. I would suggest the same as I did in the prologue, but you have been improving.

I like this idea that your story is taking place in the 2200's!

NZ

Reviewer: Nazgrrl Signed [Report This]
Date: 18/02/08 - 03:59 pm Title: Introduction

I would suggest that when you are introducing the character and the setting you do the old "show don't tell" idea. Something along the lines of "As Ben sucked the air into his lungs, he stared blindly out at the stunning vista before him, not even seeing the distant mountain range."

I love the last sentence!

Keep it up!
NZ

Author's Response: Thanks for the tips! I'll keep that in mind, I do have a tendency to make things a bit too blatant :)

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