You've written what can be a very funny one-shot story, a very difficult type of fiction to write (I try all the time, and only about 30% of it ever sees the light of the computer monitor, believe me). However, there are two issues that are keeping it from being as sparkling as it ought to be. It's labeled "slash", "extreme taboo/fetish" and rated R, all of which are far too strong for the actual content and will probably warn off some readers who will enjoy it. The other issue is proofreading: if you go through the story quickly and clean up the spelling and punctuation, it will flow more smoothly and the readers will be swept right to the punchline.
Thanks for the heads up!!
New Changes made.