Poems are fine. This is very good!
I thoroughly enjoyed this collection of short poems.
Author's Response: Thank you. I really try and it seems that poems come easily to me, though I know I need to edit them:)) Work is never done, is it? Thanks for continually reading my stuff - I appreciate it so much.
Hmm, I didn't mean to skip
Whispers of Thranduilon', but subconsciously I think it was too fangirly for me. I just don't find it quite believable, though technically it is pretty good. Also the oblique references to scripture (as I see them, anyway) seemed a bit weird. So, basically, I'm not going to give you a fair review on it, so I managed to forget. It wasn't intentional though!
I think you should stick to writing prose and poetry :) The thing with prose is that the rules and the styles are not as obvious as they are in poetry (I mean, either it rhymes or it doesn't, there's no two ways about it), That means you can write reasonable poetry sooner than you can write reasonable prose, but no necessarily that with some experience the prose won't surpass the poetry.
The dialogue: I didn't really see your addressing the reader aspect. The thing is that I'm not half-convinced I belong in ME (I know some people around here are, but I'm not!) I felt the urgency and the conviction, but for me the emotions are conveyed by letting the reader feel the character's emotions, but being aware that the two are separate. That's why I'm looking for a character whose background I can apply to the emotions. Whether or not you really need that character in any piece is an issue of style, I guess. It could make for an interesting discussion.
Oh, I see what you meant by that line about the Nazg^ul now. I got mixed up in time: I thought you were refering to the time before they accepted the rings and their reasons for accepting them, rather than their perceptions of the future. It makes sense now.
Gosh, your food metaphors just confuse me! Maybe it's 'cos we don't have Thanksgiving down here ;) I'm sure you got my point though, so I'm not even going to try to unravel your whipped cream . . . urghh imagine doing that literally!
I might accuse you of having a horrible ailment that makes you turn everything you write into love poetry, but it wouldn't be entirely fair! I think the trick with poetry is to keep editing as changes come to you. In the little poetry I've written, I've never been satisfied with my first draft. It does take time spent staring at the words though, and time can be awfully hard to come by, I know!
PS Thanks for replying to all my reviews: it makes it seem so much more worthwhile!
Author's Response: Well, I think my poetry tends to lean toward love is because (with Legolas anyway) I have a crush on the person I'm thinking about. The others, I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel so alone at times and the way to get it out is to write like a I'm thinking of a lover.(though I'm not alone because of a lover - I don't have any:)) I make it a point to respond to reviews. I enjoy it and I let the person know that they're not wasting their time. I mean, I love reviews, so why wouldn't the reviewer like a responded message? About the food, I really did have food on the brain. Oh, and one poem I did, I gave to my uncle. I'll have to write it here so you can read it. Shadow Maiden
This is interesting. I'm intrigued by the line "they'd find no peace in death". Why not? I mean, originally the Nazgul (You can get the kappie(the hat, I don't know the English word) by using ctrl+shift+6 and then pressing u in MSWord, btw) weren't all bad originally, were they?
Do you plan to ever expand on these ideas (the whole story, I mean)? Or would you let your readers expand on them if they wanted to? I'm curious.
The questioning style is very effective for evoking thought, which I take it is what you're trying to do here.
My rating: Successful
Author's Response: No, they weren't bad origionally but because of their greed, they took something that would condemn them forever. Never again would they be human and never would they be able to 'die' - they were made wraiths, so they immediately went with their lord to Udun. I never meant to expand on them but now that you mention it, I might make further stories. It would be interesting. Thank you again.
At first this reminded me, somewhat, of Bilbo's walking song. The invitation was lovely, but to be honest I don't really get the link between the last stanza and the rest of the poem. Maybe I'm just a dim non-appreciator of love poems though :(
I don't think your summary does this collection justice! You never said you were going to be so poetic!
Author's Response: Yes, but that wasn't the poem I had stuck in my head. It was "When I sit beside the fire and think . . .' I could not get it out of my head. And so, I began to think why I loved that poem and here I am! The last stanza kind of went off on a tangent, didn't it? I almost wanted a different 'chorus' for it. I didn't mean to be so poetic. I didn't even know I had the capacity for poetry (no pun intended:)) until a couple months ago. I'm glad you like these. Maybe I should stick to just poetry and not stories, I seem to do better:)))) Thanks again and why didn't you review for Whispers of Thranduilon?
The first verse was . . . wow. I'm not sure the rest quite lived up to it, but it's more an issue of not being astounding than of being weak.
Again it strikes me as something that could be filled out a lot more. This looks almost like the first chapter of a story (semantically, not stylistically) that is going to continue and end with the reunion of the speaker and her (his) love.
On the other hand, there isn't necessarily more to tell. The strong beginning just suggests a more powerful ending.
Given your inclusion of a chorus: Is this a song? Did you have particular music in mind for it?
"I whipped off another one . . . I hope it was really good" No ambitious, are you? I enjoyed it, but I suspect it would have been stronger with a little less whipping off and a little more editing ;)
Author's Response: Yeah, same opinion about the first verse, but I find it hard to make it the same throughout. I guess it's something I need to improve on (I'll add it to the list:)) Maybe it could be a story, but I think it stands on its own very well. Yes, it is a song and I kind of have music for it. I want to make it but I don't have the ecquipment for it. (I spelled that wrong, didn't I? Ah, well.) True, this poem would be a pie and the 'whipping' well, cool whip. I need to take off some cool whip to be able to taste the pie. Got it! (Can you tell I have food on the brain? I mean tomorrow's Thanksgiving!)
Typo: "Everone hates you" - Everyone
Hmm, I would have used Sauron rather than Mordor to give balance. Maia against Maia, rather than Maia against land. That's a nitpick though.
You generally have a nicely sustained balance between your two speakers. You make me wonder to whom they are speaking. You could, if you wanted to, add a line at the start like 'To Frodo', to pick a random name.
The spacing on this fic doesn't seem to work perfectly. I think you would improve the readability by double spacing between the speakers.
Overall I enjoyed it. It has the feel of a thing that would work, although it's not quite perfectly polished.
My rating: Technical hitches
Author's Response: You are right though. I could not think of a good balance so I used Mordor, seemingly the very essence of evil. True, about the name, but I wanted the reader to almost feel like it was to them. What do you think about that? Did I do that? Yeah, I'll double space. I didn't discover that little tidbit until later. *Smacks forehead* Duh. Thanks!!!!
Tip top matey :), you obviously have a thing for poetry, :)
Author's Response: Thanks and I'm still reading your things. One comment, though, and it's not bad. You are elluding my skills of observation! I mean I can usually figure people out but you have such a varied personality and likes (as tin whistle which I can play). Hm, I guess I'll just have to keep reading and reveiwing you stuff which I'm sure you don't mind at all. *Submits while pondering hard*
Wow! That was awsome! And you liked mine *frowns* That left me in the dust by a mile! Legolas wants to in that you painted a beautiful and clear image. *in other words "He LOVED it!")
Author's Response: I'm glad Legolas loved it. And I'm really glad you sent Legolas over. He's sitting on my bed discussing something with Elladan. I can't understand them because they're speaking so fast in elvish that they sound like a whirlwind. Oh, well. *doorbell rings and in come three figures* so much for the doorbell *rolls eyes* Atleast I get to spend a Sunday with Legolas, Elladan, Glorfindel, Aragorn, and Elrohir. What could go wrong? I'm glad you read my stuff. Thanks.
Is this Legolas speaking?
Very good work... and nice use of the elvish tongue.
I like the feel of closeness between the reader and the speaker.
Author's Response: Yes, Legolas is speaking. And I feel really close to Legolas. I imagine that if I ever met him, that we'd be the best of friends. Hey, I said that I thought you were Legolas and look where we are now! Thanks for reading. (I knew to check reviews because I'm online right now and I saw you were logged in.) Thanks mellon-nin!
I love this new peom too, particularly the verse beginning with the line 'When did I get lost?'
I also LOVE the lines 'I look out and sigh. But I am fine.' It really makes you think.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I saw you were online and I'm glad I checked my e-mail. That was completely out of my head in five minutes. I guess I just needed to write. Thanks!
I love this one! its so beautiful and lovely imagry! Well done, and , .... Legolas is my favourite too!!
Author's Response: Yeah, he's great! I love his eyes the best or maybe his smile. Anyway. I would die from happiness if I could really meet him. *Sighs dreamily*
i really enjoyed your musings, especially the last two, i liked the elvish in the last one, although im not too sure who he is talking to....... very good, keep writing!
Author's Response: Legolas was talking to me. *blushes deeply* He's my favorite character from the Fellowship, then Aragorn. I'm glad you enjoyed it and please read more, I posted another chapter. Thanks!
Wow, these are good. I write a lot of poetry myself so I know how hard it can be to get those rhymes, but this is great! I particularly liked 'Thoughts on a world of Grey' and I loved the final line in 'Gandalf and Mordor's fire'. Keep writing!
Author's Response: Last night when I posted this, I was in a dark mood and nedded to get out so I wrote Gandalf and Mordor's fire, showing both sides and the lies that Mordor told people. I mostly thought of Gollum when I wrote it. I meant for 'Thoughts on a world of Grey' to be a poem but prose flows more easily to me. I like it. Thanks for reviewing and I hope I hear more from you.
Wow, for poetry you do have a lyrical approach to it... and I could almost feel the wind and hear the bees.
You are expressive and paint a vivid image that sticks to the reader.
The end was appropiate with the whole of the composition.
Keep it up!!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing, Scribe. It means a lot to me. I managed to just do that last night. It was magical when I just sat at my computer and the words just flowed out. I added a chapter, so please read (and review).