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it is ver good i like it
So far, very good.
This is a good story plot - you have me hooked. What you need to do is work on your writing and the only way to do that, is to write more. This is really good for your first fanfiction (not that mine are exceptional or anything:))
I'm definitely going to be reading this and you will get better as you go along.
Never stop laughing!
Beautiful. :)