Hey. This is an awesome story but the grammar's lacking. I'm no grammar nazi, but I use a screenreader since I can't see and it makes reading difficult when there's like, no punctuation at all. Sometimes it all just reads like one huge run-on sentence. It ruins the flow completely.
Please don't take this as a flame. I really like this so far. It's just not easy to read. Then again, maybe it's the formatting and if that's so, forgive me. If not, you may wanna have someone look over it for you and help you add punctuation where it needs to be.
Author's Response: Hey, no sweat! I understand, its just the way I wrote this story before I got good. I thank you for your honesty and would like to thank you for reading one of these stories!-Dune
Well, first off I'm bound to like any story about someone called Alex...:p no, seriously, this is good, it's interesting to have OC's from a different period of history than modern day. Also, you can really see your technique as a writer improving as the story goes on. Keep it up!
PS I have a couple of thoughts on what I might do for your challenge, though they're a bit random...
Author's Response: Hey I don't mind randomness at all! I mean look at Kitt's story for my challenge, its a humorous story about her turning into an otter. So again I don't mind! Dune
I'm enjoying the spiritual aspect of Alex; once again, that's awesome.
I agree with James: running with a piece of metal on your head does not sound quite... fun.
“My lord Beriadan, you are a most welcome sight for sore eyes!’ - Aragorn scarecly said something truer! That's precisely what I felt; after all, if Eomer's company arrived even 15 minutes later, there probably would not have been anyone left to save.
“Nay, my lord, it was Gandalf and Eomer, not me” - Heh, the soldier's modesty. : ) It's usually the commanders that get the credit or discredit.
Author's Response: It is only that he is praying really hard that he hears the Valar speak to him. I decided to add that to the story because it was touching! Thanks for the review and I can't wait to see what your story for my challenge will be! D.R.O.T.N.
*laughs* Yes, even the Valar can make mistakes. At least James can talk again.
I thought this was one of your best chapters yet. I had wondered sometimes about the meeting of Gandalf with Eomer, so I appreciated this as a gap-filler, though it had an extra two characters. : )
Liked too that Alex made Gerod's heart lighter. Their conversation had a slight trace of irony – after all, Alex really was about 17! Ha, now trying to explain that would have hurt poor Gerod’s head.
The voice speaking to Alex at the end was pretty awesome.
Oh, and I got an idea for your challenge, but it’s very… silly so far; I hope humor will be ok.
Author's Response: Oh, don't worry Humor is ok! And I am glad you liked this chapter. It was supposed to be touching. In the next chapter or so you will get to meet Gerod's son! Thought I will let you know that. Thanks for doing the challenge. D.R.O.T.N.
Wow! I really loved this story! I read your profile and saw that you love learning about the Civil War. So do I! It's so nice to have a story like this on here; it's so original. By any chance, do you do any Civil War reenacting? I just recently joined a reenacting group, and because I am a girl, I play a civilian. Anyways, pardon my rant, lol. It's just exciting to see that there is someone else on here with the same interests as myself. Great story, and I look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Well, I am glad you liked it! But no I don't do any reenacting, I want to but I don't have the time. This is 1 of 2 stories that I have done that deals with the civil war. The second one is called A Slave no More! Please read it as well and let me know what you think. And please keep reading this one too! Thanks, its nice to find some more Civil War Buffs on here, and I aint the only one! D.R.O.T.N. (Dunedain Ranger of the North)
Yep, after I started reading the Redwall books I decided I liked otters. Before that I was all about lions, due to an extreme obsession with the Lion King. Kitt’s just short for Catherine – a rather cumbersome name it is, though it looks impressive on paper.
“Sorry, Mellon, I forgot you were a Mearas as well” – Heh! That was so abrupt it was hilarious.
Very sweet the way Alex and Mellon tried to cheer Freda and Eothain up.
That’s a new perspective they’ll get by going with Gandalf. That interests me. Gandalf makes an extraordinary traveling companion, and a bit of an irritating one sometimes. (And don't tell him I said thst!) : D
Author's Response: I don't think he heard you, but anyway I thought I would give this a try! Please check out the new chapters for A Slave No More, they are really good and I want to see what you think of them. D.R.O.T.N. P.S.: Oh, and it was supposed to be hilarious, I like to add a little humor in my stories
Seems the suspicion of Mellon overshadowed that for the Dwarf!
“Angels from heaven” – excellent. That’s what I’d think. (Though technically it was Gandalf who was the angel).
Good explanations. Of course it is sad that their families will likely think of them as dead or missing. Would there be any way to tell them – or would their families hope they’ll come in through the doors for years afterwards?
I was mortally afraid for Mellon! I liked that he and Boromir fought together to the death… now this horse spirit was unexpected. That’s so cool, though! Not that I dislike being human, but my next choice for a body would be a horse. But Alex and the others do not know yet… hm, I feel bad for them at the present.
The realization that the stallion was Mellan was priceless! I hope Gimli didn’t loose any hearing. *laughs at the dwarf before catching sight of his axe*
I wonder why Mellon cannot talk with Alex?
-Kitt : )
Author's Response: Mellon may not be able to talk to Alex, but he can understand him, just like all of the horses of Rohan seem to understand their masters. The real reason he can't talk is because, It is hard for me to make him only able to talk to Alex, might make the other people who are around think he is crazy or something! But this way, Mellon, is back alive and Alex now has a horse to ride! (I didn't want to kill another rider off for another horse) And no Gimli still has his hearing! (Laughs) I don't know if you read these responses or not, but thanks for the reviews and I will try my best to keep the Second Ranger, updated. D.R.O.T.N.
You ought to depart from the movie script about now and add a few scenes from Gollum's point of view. It would be interesting to see how he got past Moria's collapsed doorway, Khazad-Dum's destroyed bridge and the Moria Orcs while he stalked The Fellowship beneath the mountains.
Author's Response: I wouldn't know what he does! I am not that good of a thinker, But if someone else wanted to try that then be my guest! I'll stick with the stuff I know! D.R.O.T.N. P.S. Long time no read! Just kidding (laughs)
“basking in the sun’s warmth” – don’t I wish to do that today. Brrr.
I like Elrond being called a kind old Elf. Too often people imagine him as Mr. Grumpy Eyebrows.
Yeah, I bet they’d be confused about being afraid of crows. (“What, are we supposed to be hiding from things more sinister than bird droppings???” ) Maybe that is something to be afraid of though...
Loved the talk about the hat! I hope to see more crossed-worlds conversations.
I’m so sad very time I see/read Sam give up Bill; Mellon’s comfort was a nice change.
The entrance to Moria must resemble the post- battle fields the Union and Confederate soldiers had to march over, but far less gruesome with its age. Still, that is not pleasant!
I was about to review when suddenly a new chapter appeared… “Where’d that come from?” Hah! You updated while I was reading.
So Gollum escaped the Elves of Mirkwood – interesting you try to combine the book and movie. I always find that part the most Irreconcilable.
I was thinking the other day that a big difference between Civil War and LotR is that you can feel for both sides in the Civil War, but in LotR it is hard to feel anything *nice* about the orcs. That must be a big transition from the sort of fighting Alex and James are used too. (Beside the sword and teeth. : ) )
Author's Response: Yah, sorry about that, I like to read through my new chapters after I post them and then fix any mistakes if I find any( And believe me when I say I found many in this chapter) I am glad you liked it, I tried to keep it similar but I forgot most of the words from the book and movie. Please keep looking at my story again sometime today, there might be another chapter. Oh and I also added a new chapter to Second Ranger, please review. Thanks, for the feed back! D.R.O.T.N. It is easier to abrev. than type my whole name.
Loved the Hobbity talk. You’re pretty good with Frodo and Sam.
Definitely – friendship is possible without slash. (Bleh.)
Elwë was also the name of an Elven king, one of the first Elves, in fact the great-grandfather of Elrond. Hmm, yeah, Elrond and Glorfindel would find the Civil War perplexing. *I* still find it perplexing. : P
Aha, so Alex is becoming an Elf. That’s almost freaky. But it would be exciting, eh? To be able to see with Elven sight for one… *sighs sadly over glasses*
*laughs* I think Strider did deserve that wettening.
Now that’s a new twist: Mellon saved Frodo.
OH, finally the two friends found each other. But… duh, duh… will it be their last meeting… will they make it to Rivendell… alright, I see some more chapters ahead. I hope to have time to read on soon. : )
Author's Response: Glad you liked it! And by the next chapter he will become full Elf. What do you think of his horses name? I had to think of something so I decided on, Warrior, Ohtar! You will like the next chapters! Thanks, D.R.O.T.N.
Very good, so far. I forgot to mention this earlier, but you should add AU to your warnings because you're changing Middle Earth history.
Author's Response: Oh, Thanks, I guess I should! D.R.O.T.N.
James is going along with acting like an animal… his new wolf body is explained well; of course head rubbing would feel wonderful to him! I think Aragorn’s kindness to James showed Frodo he could trust Strider. Sam being Sam *would* take a liking to this friendly wolf.
I am glad Strider could learn James’ true identity; I had been feeling lonely for him. (But boy, the battle was certainly different from what Aragorn’s used to… they could have interesting conversations, if only James could speak.)
Next time I watch Gettysburg, I’ll want to pick out a James and Alex. Did you have a certain pair of soldiers in mind?
-Kitt : )
Author's Response: Well...not really, I mean they are fiction. I doubt any cannons could of lobbed any shells up there but, I don't know much about the 83rd PA regiment, my favorite is the 20th ME regiment. But any way back to your question, no, I did not have any certain soldiers picked out! Can't wait to hear what you are going to say about the next chapters!! It focuses more on Alex and a little bit more on James. D.R.O.T.N.
*claps* Little Round Top! Yay!
Nice description of James' "death" - owe. Once again you are quite creative: A Union soldier sent to Middle-earth in the body of a wolf.
I love that Strider has teamed up with James.
-Kitt : )
Author's Response: Im glad you like it. And thank you for being honest, wait till you read the next chapters I have up! D.R.O.T.N.
Isn't Chamberlain awesome... brave, gentlemenly... oh, the relationship with his brother was cute. Yeah, I just got Gods and Generals for Christmas. I hope they make the third movie - hey, wouldn't be so cool to be in one of the battle re-enactments? *sighs dreamily* Luck is with you there; I don't think many girls were in the battlefields.
So... I like how Legolas has befriended this Union soldier. Ah, what could be Alex's purpose here. And that elf-ear thing is intriguing!
This isn't really something to complain about... you're writing so fast I can't keep up! Well, I hope this weekend to take time to relax and catch up with the stories.
Oh, and I've noticed you're improving with your style: it's becoming more varied and descriptive. : )
Author's Response: Just wait till you read Chapters 3 and 4, Alex's friend James also appears in Middle earth. Just thought I would let you know D.R.O.T.N.
WOW!!!! I'm a HUGE CIvil War buff too! Did you ever see the movie Gettysburg? It's 4 hours of awesome, um, civilwarness. My favorite Union general must be Chamberlain and Confederate definately Lee.
Anyway, this story is very original.... I'm hooked! I'd like to know more about Alex: where was he from, where had he died? Hopefully I'll have time to get to the next chapter soon. : )
Author's Response: Holly cow! My favorite Union Leader is also Col. Chamberlain, because he has my first name, Joshua! I have seen the movie Gettysburg and Gods and Generals, I own them both! I haven't really thought of which battlefield that Alex and his regiment were at, I will describe more of Alex's life and also in the next chapter someone else appears in Middle Earth, just not as he was before (Hint: Cough-dog-ff!) All I am going to say. Thanks for letting me know you like the Civil War, I will try to use that topic in my stories more Thanks for review, D.R.O.T.N.
I'm a Civil War buff too and my stories involve mostly Men, so I'm finding this story quite interesting. In what period of Middle Earth history is this taking place?
Author's Response: This story is taking place during the war of the ring, Fellowship of the Ring. Im glad I found someone else who has the same interests Thanks for the Review! D.R.O.T.N.