Reviews For A Slave no More
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: meerkatalex Signed [Report This]
Date: 21/04/09 - 12:11 pm Title: Chapter 7: Goblins! Run!

Interesting and compelling chapter! Scratt's sniffing certainly added tension to the scene and you have Gimli's lines in perfect character! Well done, I shall read more soon! -

meerkatalex

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, sorry that I haven't been on here as of late! I've been busy! So, when are you going to be updating your story? (laughs) just want to know! Dune

Reviewer: callerofcrows Signed [Report This]
Date: 21/02/09 - 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 3: Prophesy

It's pretty good! I like the sound of the 'Dark Rangers'...very mysterious.

Author's Response: Glad you like the story so far! Please keep reviewing! Dune

Reviewer: callerofcrows Signed [Report This]
Date: 21/02/09 - 02:33 pm Title: Chapter 2: Scrag

I like Scrag a lot. He has a good goblin name, too. You described him so well that I saw him clearly in my mind! Awesome job!

Reviewer: callerofcrows Signed [Report This]
Date: 20/02/09 - 01:34 pm Title: Chapter 1: Big John

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I got chills reading this. Dune, you're a GENIUS!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I was trying to go for a different way for someone to appear in Middle Earth. Thanks for the review! Dune

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 14/02/09 - 07:44 pm Title: Chapter 7: Goblins! Run!

I like the chapter's title. Very explicit!
A goblin with tears in his eyes - almost an oxymoron, but the image is a beautiful one.
So Scratt was able to stand up to his kind again! You know, I think it would be interesting if he could have a long interview with another goblin in a later chapter, like a discussion of orcish philosophy. (Wow, orcs + philosophy is weird.) : D
-Kitt

Author's Response: Glad you liked it Kitt, Thanks for the Review! I just Might do that! Dune

Reviewer: meerkatalex Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/02/09 - 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 7: Goblins! Run!

This is very interesting! I wonder what will be Mors' and Scratt's reactions when Gandalf falls. Good going, DROTN! This is still as good as ever, I especially like the fighting scenes! :-)

meerkatalex

Author's Response: Thanks! I am glad that you like it. I still think i am too jumpy when it comes to writing fighting sequences! Thanks for the encouragement and keep up the good work on your stories! Dune

Reviewer: meerkatalex Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/02/09 - 01:47 pm Title: Chapter 4: The Council

"he is without a doubt, the oddest goblin I have ever met, but also the loyalist one as well" This is so true, and something that Legolas would definatly say - by the way, I do like Scratt and Mor, they make a great pair. Have you noticed the resemblence between Mor's name and the accursed name of Mordor? Erlack. I love the beginning of the story too - not one I have read starts with a hanging and ends up in the person being hanged being given a second chance of life, especially in Middle-Earth. Overall, well done! I shall read more soon! -

meerkatalex

Author's Response: Thank you, I am glad you liked it! Dune

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/02/09 - 02:17 am Title: Chapter 6: Moria

Scratt’s sniffing added a lot of tension to the scene. If that had been in the movie, I'd have been biting my nails; even just the approaching ripples in the lake could not compare to Scratt's certain knowledge of danger.
Oh, that’s very practical! It had crossed my mind that in a battle Scratt might by accident loose a limb from Anduril or Glamdring. Yes, most goblins would avoid like poison a dwarvishly adorned helm. Wait a minute, goblins like poison, so they’d avoid it like… flowers! Better comparison.
“Nay, Scratt, I still despise you, I just think better of you now than before” – Now that’s the Gimli I love! Gruff to the core, never frankly reveals his emotions.
That’s good they’ve learned something about Scratt’s sense of smell… but will they learn to make use of it before it is too late? The next chapter, I expect, will be tense, with the goblins and all. *eager grin*
-Kitt

Author's Response: Just wait and see! wait and see! Dune

Reviewer: Origo Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/02/09 - 02:15 pm Title: Chapter 1: Big John

cool concept. there is one or two things you could change around, but other then that its really good :)

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it! Dune

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 30/01/09 - 12:23 am Title: Chapter 5: Caradhras

Yeah, odd, so Scratt doesn't feel the ring's power at all? Just before he mentioned it I was thinking about it.
Scratt is right to teach Frodo some swordsmanship!
Hehe, friction between the Dwarf and Goblin. I'm dreading too his next meeting with his kind. It sounds as though it will be Not Pretty.
*nods* I bet Morion would be cold after being born and raised in the warm South.
-Kitt : )

Author's Response: I had to add some tension in the story. So, um, sorry to nag, but when are you going to place your second chapter. (Smiles weakly) hey I said I was sorry about nagging ok! Hey thanks for encouraging Ar-feiniel, to do the challenge. I will try to keep updating my stories when I find the time, so please keep looking! Thanks, Dune

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 25/01/09 - 10:46 pm Title: Chapter 4: The Council

Seriously loved this chapter - for one because I love Bilbo. He reacted to Scratt precisely the way I thought he should - polite and talkative.
Actually, the whole chapter was full of interesting encounters. I was surprised by Legolas' ease into accepting Scratt. I suspected Aragorn would have known them, though, since he gets around.
One spelling correction: Arwen instead of Arwin.
Can't blame Boromir's attitude to the Dark Rangers. He had been fighting orcs and Haradrim his entire life. What a shock for him to see them in Rivendell!
-Kitt

Author's Response: Thanks for the correction, I will change it. And I am glad you liked it. Oh and by the way I have set out a challenge! I hope you will do it! Category: Book-verse, Movie-verse Characters: The Fellowship. Please tell others about this challenge! And thanks again for being a loyal reviewer, I have dedicated this story to all of my loyal reviewers! D.R.O.T.N.

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/01/09 - 05:05 pm Title: Chapter 3: Prophesy

You’re right; I was shocked!
What I like most is the parallel between Scratt and John’s lives – both once slaves, both “different” from the rest of those who are “good”.
I do like Scratt; he makes me somehow cheerful like in Redwall, when one the rats or ferrets turns out to be nice.
I have a suggestion: instead of right away explaining he is good, first let him seem as gritty any other goblin. That’ll add suspense. The reader will not know that Scratt is any different till he sees Scratt is actually trying to help John, then the reader will judge for himself that Scratt is good and wonder why… Then that’s when the flashback would come in.
Gandalf’s gift’s were cool. Will the goblin speech come in handy? Elrond’s reaction to his guests was to be expected but still I was shocked by his - understandable – outrage. Seems even Elrond can still learn something: do not be too quick to judge!
-Kitt : )

Author's Response: I am glad you like Scratt. And yes the goblin speech will be useful, because Mor will then be able to understand what any goblin says. Scratt will play a big role somewhere in the story, I have a good idea, but I don't want to spill the beans, so to speak! i will try to update my other stories soon, so please keep reading! D.R.O.T.N. P.S.: I really like your name, Kitt Otter, did you get that name from Redwall?

Reviewer: Kitt Otter Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/01/09 - 01:49 am Title: Chapter 1: Big John

*claps* Wow, another LotR-Civil War era crossover! It's one of the most original ideas I've seen and I'm not kidding.
Swing Low Sweet Chariot is my favorite of the oh... those songs had a special name... Spirituals, I think. Well, I can almost imagine the chariot swinging down for him; that was a perfect fitting-in, an unespected answer to their prayers.
Aha, I see an experiment with dialect! That adds depth, though it's hard sometimes to keep it consistent. And yours was; that's good. : )
I'm very curious about what Big John's purpose will be in Middle-earth.
Since it's the weekend *throws balloons* I'll be able to get to the next chapters soon.
-Kitt : )

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, just wait till you get to the other Chapters, you will be in for the shock of your life! I hope you like them! D.R.O.T.N.

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/01/09 - 04:00 pm Title: Chapter 1: Big John

That's a new twist on some-one falling into Middle-earth, and I like the idea. Aragorn had traveled into the Harad, so he may have seen people of African appearance, depending on how far south he went. ( Haradwaith is supposed to be a proto-Africa, if, as Tolkien said, Middle-earth is the same as modern Earth, but about 6-9,000 years ago. )

The Men of the Darkness followed and supposedly worshiped Sauron, ( If you read the Battle of the Pelennor, Tolkien describes black warriors, although in the film they seemed more Arab in appearance, and if they were from northern Harad, they would be )

I wonder will Aragorn assume he is a spy ( unlikely, as Big John would stand out too much )

I think you show talent. A beta could smooth out some of your sentences, as some are very short and choppy which makes the reading staccato, like this:
Evans ordered another man to run and get the rope
The sky began to darken as a thunderstorm drifted in front of the sun
Thunder rumbled when the man brought the rope and tied it into a noose
The wind began to pick up and lightning flashed across the sky

If you wrote.

Evans ordered another man to run and get the rope, and the sky began to darken as a thunderstorm drifted in front of the sun.
As the man knotted the rope into a noose, thunder rumbled and the wind began to pick up. Lightning flashed across the sky.


That would make for a smoother read, but that comes practice and a good beta. Keep reading good fanfic authors, people like Nieriel Raina, Linda Hoyland and
Thundera Tiger. These are all experienced and talented writers whose stories involve friendship/action-adventure, and by reading authors like that you absorb sentence structure and wording automatically. Keep writing and keep reading, as you have some genuinely interesting ideas.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review and Information, This is my third Fan Fiction that I am working on and I really need some help on how to word somethings. Thanks for the tips I will try to do better at writing my stories. If you liked this one why don't you read my other two stories The Second Ranger and Soldiers From Another Time. please let me know what you think about them, but just to let you know they are written in the same way as this one so please be honest, I won't be angry! Thanks again, D.R.O.T.N. (Dunedain Ranger of the North)

You must login (register) to review.