Yay! I've started at last.
Oooh, more complications. Seven invisible giant evil beasts? (More yay.)
All the descriptions of the cold made me happy it is June here.
Hmm, I wonder if Walendithas will have any luck in persuading Belneiros?
Author's Response: yay :) Walendithas might have a hard time.. then again, he might not.. we will just have to see :) thanks for the review :D
Origo. Your stories are great. I always enjoy them. I do have trouble pronouncing the names haha but I did when I first read LOTR s too.
Author's Response: lol.. youll get use to them.. just say them how you think they should sound :)
You asked me to review, so here I am. :)
Your stories are very fast paced, which makes them easy to read. I think more description of the thoughts and feelings of the protagonists would flesh it out a little - and give readers time to catch their breaths a little. In long stories, you usually find times of action interspersed with quieter times. These are often used to concentrate on the characters, to tell more about their characters, how they feel, thus making people interested in them.
You have a tremendous amount of dialogue. Dialogue is important, but I would cut some out, myself, or intersperse it with description.
Also, you may get more readers if you separate each line of dialogue with a space...
'Like this.' she said.
' Like what?' He asked.
'Watch me, I'll show you,' she smiled.
...because reading on a monitor is much harder on the eye than reading in a book. And when the chapter looks almost like one block of text, it can be offputting - it can give people a headache.
I think your strength is in action and dialogue, now you need to concentrate on a little *padding* by writing feelings and descriptions.
Hope that helps!
Author's Response: Thanks :) i have Dreams and Flash backs to more peaceful times.. i normally just copy and paste it.. i dont think about separating the dialogue.. keep on reviewing :D