I liked this. Your style of writing is very precise, full of detail.
I like the the light mood of the text, it gives it a very relaxed mood.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the first chapter of my little humor fic. I haven't updated it in awhile because I've been working on my other story, "Every Day", but when I get an inspiration I promise I'll take this one all the way. This is my first individual attempt at humor- otherwise, I play off of my friend Ar-feiniel in our random Round Robin, "Guards of Himring vs. Killer Tooks". Lots of fun! Thanks for reading and reviewing- I love reviews! -Traveller
Umm... I feel really bad for Frodo and Merry. They have no idea what they are getting themselves into. Can't wait for you to add more!
Author's Response: Yeah, they really don't. Hehehe...
This has the promise of being very cute and funny!
I don't think the modern tone is inappropriate in humor, in fact it's similar to the humorous tone a couple of my favorite writers use in their hobbity stories.
It's also wise to explain the workings of your AU at the beginning. And thanks for the mention of my age chari!
You certainly haven't overdone it! It's a very good attempt and an accomplished one at that for humor and first person! I really like it, honest I do! I especially love the way you've managed to still describe the Hobbits with making the plot flow evenly. These lines made me smile:
"I look at him for a moment like he’s got two heads. But then I see that familiar mischievous expression in his blue eyes, the one he always gets when he’s thought of some new ingenious plan or prank. I’m told it’s a trait of the Brandybuck family, like auburn hair and emerald eyes in Tooks or obnoxiousness in Sackville-Bagginses."
It made me laugh; because that's just how I think of the Sackville-Bagginses and Tooks - of course, the Tooks are cuter and more mischievious, and overall just more cute in every aspect! They can be cunning and sly whilst having obvious charm that is impossible to ignore! Anyway, back to the story...
The last three sentences shows that some trouble is definately going to come up; especially since it's Fair and Goldie that poor Frodo and Merry have to look after. Say, do you think there are such things as dates and double-dates in Hobbiton? It's a good idea to think about all the places you couold go... Woods, streams, the green Dragon - all the spectacular places that we don't have in England and the whole world. Nowadays it's the cinema and a good movie... I think I prefere the Hobbit's way of dating. *Chuckles*.
So yes, this is a very good start to a promising story; I'll keep tuned and hopefully review some more of your stories in the near future as I'm signing of! ;-) See you and plot bunnies for you! From -
Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you like it! Yeah, I like the line about the Brandybucks, Tooks, and Sackville-Bagginses, too. Tooks are definitely the most awesome Hobbit family- I wonder if they're all as cute and charming as Pippin! Hehe, Goldie and Fair, devious apart, but together, oh brother... Ok, I don't know if the "woods, streams, the Green Dragon" lines was intended to be funny, but it certainly made me laugh! It's like, nature, nature, BEER! Lol. Yeah, walking in the woods sounds like a great date- it would bring out the biologist in me. :) I have stories about that- I went to a summer program for Field Biology and Ecology and had the most crazy, misanthropic, yet oddly lovable professor ever. Maybe I'll translate him into a Hobbit OC- I'm already dreaming up possibilities! Ah ha! So you do live in England, then? Am I a good guesser or what? :) Not stalking, promise! :) Anyhow, I'm glad you like the story so far! Plot bunnies right back! -Traveller
Uh oh! I sense trouble! Love the story;i chuckled a few times.
Author's Response: Oh, yes, trouble is most definitely on the way, to the woes of poor Frodo and Merry! I'm glad you're liking the story- I'll try to post more soon! Thanks for the review! -Traveller