Yes. This is how it should look :)
Fanfic writing is no different to writing original fiction; it's just presented with a different layout online -- we use more paragraphs and double-space between narrators, just to make it easier on the eye. If you pick up a novel and look, then read a fic on here, you can easily see the differences.
I was not trying to put you off writing; I just wanted to mention how you could get more readers, because if people see a block of text they often think 'Ouch, my eyes!'
I glanced at your fic, but I can't read it because it is a huge block of text without any sentence or paragraph breaks.
It will be easier for people to read if you break it up. Reading on a monitor is much harder on the eyes than reading a book, and there is a certain layout fanfic writers use to make it easier on their readers.
For instance, this is what your layout should look like.
Talina ran ahead
"Come on Legolas. Father wants to see us."
Legolas ran behind.
"Sister, this will just be another endless lecture on how he wants grandchildren. No need to hurry."
Talina laughed. "Oh but it's so much fun for him to hear his ideas on who he thinks our heartmates are."
Legolas laughed and then they both slowed down as the reached the palace. Suddenly Talina sensed the presence of another with her father.
"Brother, there is someone with him. A young someone. He feels...different." The gaurds (guards.) at the palace gates bowed to the siblings.
"My prince, you are not needed yet. You may go to your quirters.(quarters.)
Good lukc, and take care.
Author's Response: I'm sorry. I guess I'm not very good at this fanfic writing. I did try but I've never been very good at doing those things