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Reviewer: Anwyn Signed [Report This]
Date: 17/04/08 - 12:02 am Title: Prologue: Blessing and Dishonor

Hi there, I came across this story as it flashed up as a story of the moment and so I gave a read. To be fair I read the story first before glimpsing at the reviews and I have to say I empathisize with your comment about anyone writing an OFC is automatically assumed a sue until proven otherwise as my stories move around an OFC as well. I am not one to join the sue witch hunt but I would like offer some constructive critism just of a few things that stuck out to me reading this through. Firstly, I am just curious if this is part of a series of stories becuase I just jumped right into this story and did not investigate further than that, but I was confused by the relationship between Aragorn, Elrond and your OFC, Ithilin. Firstly Aragorn calls her "Little Sister" which I suppose is a way of endearment or a pet name or what not, and then Ithilin calls Elrond "Ada" which of course, Father. Personally I find it slightly breaks the trail of thought when a sentance is entirely in english with one or two elven phrases thrown in and I know Ada means father of course, but it seems it is the only elven term some people know, not you personally! But just in general I find it strange, Its just thrown in there becuase its simple to remeber or one not, I personally would rather see the entire sentance be in Elvish rather just one Elven word randomly thrown in, though that is just a personal observation and its only very small. Now, I can see you have made effort to *not* make your OFC a sue and I applaude that and it will be difficult as this is a Legomance which I usually don't even bother reviewing to be honest but this was well written, and the OFC he loves is Elven so that gives you more points as I cannot figure out the Legolas x Mortal Woman equation. The part with the birth was well written, while I personally have never had any children lets just say I have seen enough to make me believe that is quite excruiating and Ithilin's pain through it was realistic, in that she did not faint or swoon (A sue trait where they are as delicate as china one moment and out fighting orcs the next) but she was in pain and exhausted, very understanable. Though without knowing much of your character you have already established a strong connection with her and three prominant canon characters in that they love and want to protect her, I don't want to say its sue-ish but it is a trait of a sue that a female is well loved and has everyone clambering over themselves to be near her and protect her, I don't think Ithilin is quite there but nearly but this is only a first chapter in your story. The biggest issue I have with sues personally is that they are always too ready too steal the spotlight, and I have always found the characters that kind of work outside the grander scheme of things a great deal more intresting becuase there is so much more free room into write. Or even worse is if "Oh, no, Legolas can't follow the fellowship becuase he is mooning over some pretty Elleth..." I applogize if my thoughts are all over the place but I am just writing as things come to me. Though I have a question as this wasn't very clear in the story, but you mentioned Legolas left his tunic nine months before the start of the story, Was there an significance in this? Any reason why he would leave his tunic of all things? I have a vison of a shirtless Legolas riding back to Mirkwood, but hey, I am not complaining ;) Also, about "Nine Months" I read somewhere that Elven women carry their baby for 12 months unlike mortal women who carry for 9, Did Legolas leave knowing Ithilin was already 3 months pregnant? That came to me as I was reading this. I am generally not a fan of Evil!Thandruil in fic either, I feel that the poor Elven King generally gets dealt a bad hand in most stories in that he is either just stern and emotionally distant or just downright cruel without reason and in this fic he is the latter and it never really touches on the *why* he feels compelled to make his son have sex with a woman, excuse me, elleth, he clearly does not love and if it is to beget children that rather goes against the Customs of the Eldar as children were seen as gifts and were only conceived if the woman was fertile, which was not a constant thing but it was rather more mystical than say a mortal man and woman, definately more comlex. Also regarding the drug, It would have to be incredibly potent to affect an Elf so strongly for they are affected much differently then men, and if Legolas was forced to take it say everyday for nine months it would surely begin to loose its potency at some point, but that is just a general rule for pretty much anything that affects the body as the body slowly "learns" and gets around such things. Anyways, I will stop rambling on though I do hope some of what I have said may help you, as this story does have a great deal of potential. Take care :)

Reviewer: spanishgoddess86 Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/12/04 - 01:28 am Title: Prologue: Blessing and Dishonor

oh...poor Legols, He should be able to love who he wants and be with who he wants, but he can't because he's royality. Hopefully though everyone will see that it doesn't matter about rank or what not as long as love in the key. Anyway please udpate soon, I wish to know what going to happen next. By the way I went looking for more of this fic due to the fact that I've notice alot of authors just put a chapter or two up first. Anyway I was wondering if you were going to update at fanfiction.net again I've only found up to 13 and was wondering if there was more. Anyway good job and I hope 2 see either a update here or on fanfiction.net soon.

Author's Response: I have been swamped recently and the inspiration fairy decided she was going to abandon me at the last minute for my Beta. I have chapter 14 through to the end in the works and will post them as I am able. I will put up all chapters where ever this is posted. In the meantime I have quite a few others that you might care to paruse. Be fair warned though, You might find some OOC especially with Boromir in some of my darker pieces(I need a whipping boy and Aragorn just doesn't fit the profile).

Reviewer: Tathrin Signed [Report This]
Date: 30/10/04 - 04:54 am Title: Prologue: Blessing and Dishonor

Um, interesting. I'm not really a fan of Evil!Thranduil and the numerous arranged-marriage fics that seem to spring from that, or of Mary Sues (and this brief encounter with Ithi makes me think she is one, although I could be wrong) but this was well-written. The intro was especially beautiful. I liked the emotions and interactions between the two while the baby was being born, that was very nice. So, while it's not exactly the type of story I generally like, it was nicely done, and I did enjoy the reading (although much less after Thranduil's apperance I have to admit). But anyway, it was good writing--and here's your review! ;)

Author's Response: Thanks, Tathrin. I have gotten really frustrated the last few weeks. I don't hold with the theory that Thranduil is a bad father but that was just how he decided to be written for this series of stories. If you do get further into this Be warned that Boromir could be considered slightly OOC in his reaction to Ithilin. While not intended to be a Mary-Sue, in the LOTR universe it seems that any story that has an OFC that falls in love with a canon character is one.

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