Reviews For Another love story
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Reviewer: Farawein Signed [Report This]
Date: 30/06/11 - 06:46 am Title: The Council

thank you, that will help me alot

Reviewer: Spiced Wine Signed [Report This]
Date: 30/06/11 - 04:08 am Title: The Council

Hi, Farawine. You had a problem with characters? You need to go into edit your story, where you see the categories, character and warnings.
Go to characters. Scroll through the list and select for instance, Legolas by clicking on his name. If you want more characters, keep scrolling down, but also keep one finger on the Control key on your keyboard - this allows you to select more than one character name. There is an option for 'Original Character' you can choose for OC's

Email me if any problems, though I in the the UK, so I won't be around til the morning.

Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/06/11 - 08:23 am Title: The Beginning of The End

Have you ever read a story in told in the second person? The "You" point of view. "You walked down the street to buy the morning paper."
As opposed to the more common first and third person point of views "I walked down the street to buy a morning paper." "He walked down the street to buy a morning paper."
Because very little is written in the second person, it's sort of awkward and weird... maybe a little disconcerting... I always find it hard to read and less smooth. Something about it makes is difficult for me to connect with the characters.
That's sort of how I feel about writing in the present tense. Not many do it. Not many can do it and do it well, just like not many can write in the second person and do it well.
Does that make any better sense?
Good for you to being open to suggestion. You'll become a better writer that way!!

Reviewer: Spiced Wine Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/06/11 - 10:45 am Title: The Beginning of The End

Yes, this is much better than the previous version. This genre is not my cup of tea, so I can't properly review it as a *fan* would; all I will say us good luck, keep practicing, and keep reading (good) books and (good) fanfiction, seeing how talented authors write; that's really the best advice any-one can give a writer: read, read, read. You will find yourself almost learning by osmosis.

Oh, you may wish to use an accurate Elven name generator for authenticity. The best one is the Sindarin Name Frame, by Darth Fingon..

Take care. Happy writing.

Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/06/11 - 10:26 am Title: The Beginning of The End

This is far far better than the first posting. You actually write really good prose. The opening paragraph is exactly what the reader needs. That being said, write more prose. Just go on rambling about stuff here and there. What the room looks like, the shapes of their bodies, smells, touch. That kind of thing. senses help set the scene. There's a gazillion things you could say. Especially in het romance, women like to know what the man looks like. How he walks, talks, sounds. He's a male, he should act like one.
There's still alot of pronoun verb action sentences, although they're not as glaring as the previous posting. Try looking at things from outside the box. Like this sentence: He anticipates her response.
Instead try saying, He waited anxiously, awaiting her response. or Breathless, he waited for her to respond. or His heart beat a thunderous tatoo in his chest, blood pounding behind eyes and temples, inside his ears, but her response was not what he'd anticipated. Alsela's head snapped up from its place resting in the hollow of his shoulder, blue slanted cat-like eyes huge in disbelief.
Something like that. That tell the reader a ton!
Like I said before, you're going to write this however you want to write this but I personally think this needs to be written in past tense and not present tense. You are technically the storyteller, reiterating the story of these two back to the audience. These events have already happened. It's kind of like reading something told in the second person "you" as opposed to "I" or "He, She, They." It makes the read much less smooth and slightly uncomfortable.
I definately see who's point of view this chapter is coming from, so that's a good thing!
A few puctuation, spelling, capitalization whatevers, but in the grand scheme of things, those are minor. Plot, pacing, description, characterization, prose and dialouge are much more more important. Be aware of it, but don't let the grammer nazis irk you over it.
Keep writing! You'll always keep learning and always keep getting better!

Author's Response: thank you so much for elaborating on that one line. It gave me some good ideas for my other chapters I've already written. but also, could you elaborate on the "you" and "i" or "he,she they" thing, i dont quite get what you were trying to say.

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