Hi there! I thought I would return the favor and read your story. I like this and I think it has a lot of potential. There are just a couple things I wanted to critique. First of all, I have to agree with Ash Night. Having Haldir and Airion proclaim their feelings so quickly does seem rushed. Now let me explain why. Their personalities are at two different ends of the spectrum. Haldir is confident, arrogant, strong, a guy that knows what he wants and is not afraid to go for it. Airion is the complete opposite of that, almost like a puppy that flinches every time someone raises their hand to him. That’s not to say that he can’t or won’t change. But it’s hard to see Haldir, who is so cocksure (pardon the pun, lol) interested in someone with such self-doubt like Airion. I think you could have had them hold off and let something develop between them, giving Airion time to find his confidence and maybe even help Haldir not be so aloof. Just something to think of for next time. I completely understand how easy it is to rush a story. I’ve done it many times myself. And when love and new romance is involved with characters who scream in your ear to let them get to the good parts, it’s difficult to control them. Don’t let those characters bully you, lol. You’re the author.
That being said, and I truly hope you take this as constructive criticism, I have to say, you have some really good descriptive terms throughout the whole piece so far. I like your word choices, very well put together. Your sentence structure is very well done. And your dialog between characters is authentic. This is really good for a first fic and you have a lot of potential. It’s an enjoyable read, smooth and nothing halting. I can tell that you really enjoyed writing this piece and that is so important. I’d like to see more from you and I hope you keep it up. The best thing any of us can to is to write, write, write and have fun. Never take yourself too seriously (which I don’t think you do). So good job and I hope you’re working on another chapter. I’d like to see where things go from here.
Author's Response: Oh, no worries! I definitely take this as constructive... You're right, I just became so excited with the story that I felt like I had to rush right into things... I do hope that, in the future, I can avoid this. I'm just so darn impatient, especially with my first story, that I refused to control myself. I'm definitely not the best writer, nor do I aspire to be, for it's really just a hobby I do to relieve frustrations of the world of reality. Thus, I've got a lot to learn. But I really do appreciate the time that you've taken to tell me all this, and I hope to have material that's more realistically written in the future. :) Anyway, thank you for all the compliments! Once again, I'm honored that you took the time to read my small fic. I'm glad that I have potential, and I'll do my best to produce more entertaining stories! As for now, I am working on the next chapter, but it will take a little longer because of some college work I have to complete.
You should have waited abit until Haldir confront him. Make them abit distance. But its good, keep posting please!
Author's Response: Yes, I understand where you're coming from. I will admit that I rushed the plot a bit with my eagerness, but I couldn't bring myself to revise it, ha. But I will definitely learn to pace myself more, and don't worry, this story hasn't ended yet! But thank you for the advice and comment. :)
Great story for first time writer. I hope you're not like me though leaving too much time between updates, looking forward to the rest already.
Well done, its great so far and great structure and grammar. looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! I hope that I won't spend too much time between chapters, haha. I'll try to get them up as fast as possible!