Again, good writing but it was way too short. Try combining chapters if they are not over 2,000 words. Or at least 1,000.
If the chapter is too short it will seem more like just one paragraph.
Also, each chapter should be significant to reader. Try adding a little more meat to the bones of this story, flesh out the chapters more and make the reader excited for the next chapter to come out as soon as possible.
I hope my advice helps. :)
You wright extremely well! However, the format of your story is...bad. You need to break up the paragraphs, and when someone says something start a new line. Its never a good idea to but two people talking on the same line.
People are immediately put of to stories that look text heavy, so if you work on the format of this story I'm sure you'll get more reviews. :)