It's already been pointed out about the grammar, so I won't get Into that other than praising you for doing as well as you did writing in a non-native tongue! I would suggest putting in paragraph. Each time a new person talks or the idea changes a new paragraph should be started. It makes it look better, flow better, and easier to read. I think so far though you have a good base for this story and I'd be interested in seeing where it goes!
This story is very interesting from the start. I like the w ay you wrote the beginning.
Might I suggest that you put spaces more often between your paragraphs.
But anyway. like Luvbukz suggested, find a beta, there are some really awesome people out there (try and seek out EnchantessM)
Anyway. Your ideas are really good, and it's very entertaining to read. :)
I hope this helped.
Please don't think that I meant it in a bad way. I read your bio and that's how I know that English is not your first language. You are clearly a very intelligent person and I actually admire the fact that you are able to write as well as you do in a language that is not native to you. I only suggested it because I see that your story has alot of potential and having a "beta" I think its called could really help. It does take more time but its worth it in the end. Maybe you could even approach someone on this site if they're not too busy with their own stuff that could be great. Hope my review was helpful :) keep writing.
Author's Response: Thanks, Going to see if I can find one. I don't take that in the bad way. I like when people give me this knid of reviews, sens then i can know what i need to fix or do better.
I must admit in at the start I thought you OC seemed to be on the outside of the story just going along but now I see she'll be more central to the story. Thats good.
I've noticed your spelling and grammar needs some work. Since English is not your first language, why don't you get someone to proof read your stuff and correct mistakes. There are many capable people on this site alone. That should improve the reading experience :)
I don't enjoy reading about rape or slash so I'm going to give this story a skip but wel done and thanks for sharing your writing.
Author's Response: I know my grammar isn't the bets, and no English it not my first language. I can't find anyone that have the time to fix it. Thanks that you took your time to read this story.
I like how you started. The Wizard approaching the woman in the clearing, conversation and beginning of a quest that will likely turn to be harder and longer than imagined. It was a good introduction (reminiscant of the Shannara stories, to me anyway) . It really grabbed my attention so well done. Ok I'm gonna read your next chapters will review again.