This story was very good. I love a happy ending. I liked the way things turned out too. Denethor being a good father. Boromier still alive! And Eomer married to a more than a modern commoner. Although I see nothing common about her. She was a gift to Middle Earth and was glad the Valar had already seen that. And you know what who cares about what the other site did. Always remember you were here first and your story ia an a original because you wrote it your way. This is fantasy after all and you can write it any way you want! Very good job, and hope to see the seque. Email me if you do at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hey there! I've been a-readin' your story, and being a bit of a writer myself, I thought I'd offer my two cents. I hope you don't take offense at what I say- some cannot distinguish between criticism and bashing, and I mean not to bash you, but to help.
First of all, I loved the premise of the story. Being in the child care industry myself, I found the idea of hyperactive children from our time running around in Middle Earth hilarious.
However, it sort of felt like the idea was underdeveloped. No ideas in particular come to mind of how you could have done this, but I felt sort of felt like there could have been more. Perhaps more torture of the Fellowship? Ianno.
Another idea that sort of felt a little underdeveloped was the arrival of Natasha's sisters. You didn't really take this to the places it could have gone- her sisters could have helped to define Natasha's character better, and while they had started this process, it felt like it was unfinished. The whole bit with the sisters felt really abrupt.
On the love story with Eomer- I applaud you! Very few people venture past the typical love interests in LOTR, so this was a very refreshing turn. I loved it. =)
Also, the friendship with Eowyn was well done. Eowyn was wonderful in bringing out the good and bad in Natasha, saving her from Mary Sue-dom.
However, I didn't understand why Borimir and his father were not dead in this story. Now, I loved Boromir's character in LOTR, and you did a good job with the character, but I didn't quite understand why he was alive. Was it because Natasha's presence had caused a riff in the time line? Why didn't Natasha ever question his alive-ness if she was familiar with the story?
As for the overall writing of the story- you can write a good story, but it sort of lacked description. It seemed to read almost as a first person news report of what had happened.
Now, that's not necessarily bad- look at The Phantom of the Opera. The original book was written in this fashion, and look at all that came from it!
But, when one writes like this, it's harder for the reader to become emotionally involved.
I loved your story, so please, keep up the good work! =)
ok first Boromir DIES! if your going to do a story like this try and keep to wat Tolkien wrote as close as you can.... im sorry im really obsessed with LOTR and everything Tolkien and can get kind of fanatical about it but still Boromir DIES! at Rauros Falls second the story is actually quite good...
Now, that was what I call a memorable story. Keep it up! Brilliant work! x
Well, certainly a new twist on the whole "falling-into-ME" plot. Be curious to see if you can keep it different still and not fall into the many cliches of that particular plot. And I don't quite see the Fellowship allowing children to come along beyond Lothlorien. Would take quite a lot of resources and the lands were not exactly safe. Spelling and grammar is all right. A plus ;)