I really liked your story. The plot is great and I love the character voice. I think that you need to have more action in you scenes. There is a lot of talking and more talking... and more talking. Don't get me wrong. Talking is nothing bad. You just need some action in there. It is very rarely that people just stand around and talk. People move and gesture and go about and interupt echother and studder and all kinds of things like that. Add a little more action and I think this can be a great story
Author's Response: I guess this really depends on a matter of tastes when regarding action within the story. I took a very conscious consideration as to when and where my story took place while writing and so made the artistic decision in focusing on the speech.
To take it into context, this story really focused on Eomer's and Grima's interaction with each other leading up to Eomer's arrest. Much of this interaction ensues in the Rohan courts, where Eomer's normal methods of handling situations are frowned upon, and so he must play on Grima's playing field where he must rely on speech to get his point across. In fact, when Eomer did take some physical action, he was actually in trouble for it!
Therefore I put much more emphasis on what was said as opposed to what they were doing, so to have their words have more impact, as this was clearly a battle of wits. To have too many misplaced actions would have compromised this story I felt, or else compromised the true characters of Eomer or Grima, as too many hand gestures can also be seen as a sign of clumsiness, or too many interruptions a sign of rudeness and inconsideration, something Eomer did not want or need as Grima truly did have the upper hand throughout this tale. At least that is what I think when I picture they type of court that would have been held in my inner mind. One must also consider that Eomer is a soldier above a diplomat, and soldiers are not often prone to making very many wild gestures. Grima himself may be a diplomat however he lets his smooth words do most of the talking for him I perceive.
So there is method to my madness. *g* I never wrote this with the intention of making it an 'action' story. I really meant for it to stand with the likes of 'The Council of Elrond' or 'The Voice of Saruman' (though not as well executed but I try) as a tale where words override the action; where there is "a lot of talking, and more talking... and more talking." *heh*
This really was a story full of pure, hopeless, never-ending, pointless political ranting one finds so often in royal courts.
Having said all this (and I am sorry at how I get carried away when I explain myself) thank you for the constructive criticism! ^^ It was well appreciated though perhaps a piece of advice I did not pay heed to for my own reasons. I am glad you enjoyed my story and I promise you, I have other short stories that are much more engaging 'action wise' than this one was. They will get posted here in time and you can pass judgment on them when they are. *nods*
Reviews For Do Not Trust to Hope...
Title: Do Not Trust to Hope... Reviewer: Tintila Isilmi Signed
Date: 16/04/05 - 11:49 pm [Report This]