Ah man! just when it was getting good! Where can I go to find this story on another website? Like I said, I LOVE this story. So Update this baby and I will keep reviewing until there is no more of this story. Just please UPDATE THIS STORY!!!
Noldo has given you some good advice here, however I think the nitpicking is a little excessive for a predominantly movie based fic.
I think its okay to "fill in the blanks" yourself so to speak when one is going by the movies. If you try to write a movie fic while relying on book verse to back you up, a lot of things are not going to match up anyway, especially attributing dialogue to the correct speaker.
"Frodo, come and help an old man." was actually a line spoken by Gandalf in the extended edition of The Fellowship of the Ring.
I understand wanting to stay true to canon, especially in book verse, but this site allows for book and movie fics even if they are independent of one another
I think a good solution here would be for me to create two seperate categories, one for book verse and one for movie verse.
I look forward to another chapter of this story and more work from Noldo as well.
I like this story personally and actually it was Legolas who shouted "Crebain from Dunland!"!in the movies.
The point about Asfaloth and Glorfindel, not Arwen, coming to the aid of Aragorn and the Hobbits is true in book verse, but I see you're going more by the movies here.
You can borrow things from the books, yes, but if you are doing a predominantly movie based fic then I see no problem with using movie plot.
In that case, it makes more sense to have Arwen rescue Frodo.
Guys leave her the HELL alone! she is GOING BY THE MOVIES! EVER THOUGHT OF THAT!?! NO! Sis keep on posting don't listen to these looseres! your story is WONDERFUL! and I hope my Story; Never Gone isn't like yours but anyway, keep on posting!
Correct me if I am wrong but from what I've read, the female elves were actually quite powerful in their own right. Though Tolkien doesn't dwell too much on that subject in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it's really detailed in The Silmarillion. I understand what you mean about the author having the ultimate right to do whatever in the stories they write. *However*, changing the history of the Moriquendi Elves isn't particularly successful unless one knows the history of the Elves backwards and forwards.
Once again, magnificent errors. Both grammatical and otherwise.
There is no 'city' in Lothlorien, strictly speaking, neither are there rooms. She would have in fact been on a wide flet (or talan) up a tree. If they liked her, it would be a nice flet; that's about it really.
The past tense of 'sine' is 'shone', not 'shined'.
I cannot express my feelings about what you have done with Haldir's character. The Marchwarden of Lorien is probably trusted by Celeborn and Galadriel. It is very unlikely that he is a...womanizer. We have not seen much of him in the books, but what we have seen does not seem to indicate in any way that he would behave in that manner.
I don't understand you. One minute, Gandalf is one of the Istari in your story, the next, he's asking for help for an 'old man'.
The only time Gandalf ever said he was 'old' was at Edoras (book and movie) - and that was partly in jest, and partly because getting the staff into the hall was instrumental for his plans. Certainly not because he limped.
Arwen is never called 'Evenstar', firstly, except in lore. Call her 'Undomiel' if you must.
She also did not rescue Frodo at the Ford - technically speaking, it was Asfaloth the Horse who saved him, but it was Glorfindel who came to the aid of Aragorn and the hobbits, stuck out in the wilderness. You've also downplayed Aragorn's role quite significantly.
Seeing as you've merely lifting lines from the movie for most of this chapter, couldn't you attribute them to the right speaker? It was Aragorn who warned them about the crebain, whether you're reading the book or watching the movie.
So suddenly she's 'Avari' now?
I have finally gleaned that the previous chapter was set some time before the WotR. In that case, Theodred would be too young to be a Ranger, anyway, so my accusation still stands.
Aragorn was never told to attend Elrond's council in this manner. He did leave his travails, true, but that was because he was asked by Gandalf to find Frodo and Sam, and aid them.
Also, Legolas wasn't told 'I want you to attend this Council'. As a matter of fact, Aragorn had brought Gollum to Mirkwood a few months previously; he had escaped, and Legolas was the bearer of bad news. He did not come as 'Mirkwood's Prince'.
As for the so-called 'prophecy', it was the foresight of Glorfindel, earlier in the Third Age. Earnur of Gondor had wanted to pursue the Witch-King; Glorfindel had restrained him, saying 'Do not! For not by the hand of man shall he fall'.
This cleverly came true, as Eowyn slew him, with the help of Merry, who also was not a man.
The 'prophecy' (as you choose to call it) was certainly not expressed in the terms you state - it was stated far more ambiguously (the fact of Eowyn was ever foreseen), heard only by a select few, and made by a Noldo from Imladris. Surely the Mirkwood Elves would not have heard of it - it was quite unknown among most others, to the best of my knowledge.
'Vial creatures'? A vial is a small glass container. Did you mean 'vile'?
There were probably several female warriors among the Dunedain. I can hardly imagine Gilraen staying at home, knitting, can you?
Also, one would hardly expect the Rangers to distrust Elves. After all, we see in the books that every chieftain's son was fostered in Rivendell for a time, right until Aragorn II. After all that, this mistrust is highly unlikely and very implausible.
'His clothes were tattered and dirty and had an ill-favored look about him.'
I don't know about you, but these are the Dunedain. They are descended from the people of Numenor, and are robably the highest race of Men in Arda. Would they really be so ill-favoured, hostile and unfriendly?
'"Moriquendi..." whispered the other men in disbelief. "She will betray us!" '
We come to the crux of it. The Moriquendi were like all other Elves - high, honourable, fair, bitterly opposed to the will of Morgoth, skilled in battle and in song, though perhaps less than the Noldor, and possibly the Vanyar. Why would the Rangers believe that she would betray them? Evil, dark Elves aren't that rampant, you know, and the Moriquendi were only called so because they ever saw Valinor, not for any especal evil of theirs.
"What news from Gondor Theodred?"
Theodred is Rohirric, and would hardly know what is going on in Gondor. Also, at this timepoint (I still can't tell when your story is set), he would either be in Rohan, riding with his eored, fighting at Helm's Deep, or dead. Certainly not serving Aragorn and the Dunedain, anyway.
'He looked much in the liked of Elrond Half-lives of Milagros.'
The only Elrond I know about is the one in Rivendell, and 'half-lives'? Whatever's that?
And where is Milagros?
Saying 'you are not worthy to be a Moriquendi' is not only grammatically wrong, but also quite absurd. I'm not sure about the Quenya grammar, but 'Moriquende', I think, would be appropriate for the singular, but the Moriquendi (I repeat myself) were not a special sect or secret cult of Elves. They were in fact the sect of the Teleri who refused to go to Aman at the summons of the Valar, and were somewhat looked down upon by the others.
I apologize, but the grammar in this story is far from perfect, especially comma usage.
Also, in 'Laws and Customs of the Eldar' (essay by Tolkien, featured in 'Morgoth's Ring'), this is what there is stated about the maturity of Elves:
'Not until the fiftieth year did the Eldar attain the stature and shape in which their lives would afterwards endure, and for some a hundred years would pass before they were full-grown.'
As you can see, for any elf at all, whether MoriquendÃƒÂ« or CalaquendÃƒÂ«, the age of attaining maturity isn't 1000 years.
'Female Elves' is not a good descriptive term. Might I suggest 'elf-maidens' instead?
As a matter of fact, the term 'Moriquendi ' encompasses quite a few different branches of the Eldar, including the Silvan Elves, SIndar, Nandor, and so on. Legolas would also be one of the Moriquendi, as, technically, was Luthien, so there really isn't a big deal about it.
Also, the Noldor had the mastery in most things, said the Silmarillion - they were the wisest kindred of the Elves, and were more skilled in battle. The Sindar had the fairer voices, but that was all.
I can see that you are not ignorant when it comes to Silmarillion facts, as, sadly, most other authors of stories featuring Legolas are, and I don't mean to offend, but if you would, please go over the things I've mentioned and see if they make any sense to you. I'm intending to be constructive, not to flame.
Author's Response: Again, it's fiction... never meant to follow in STONE what Tolkien set out. I was trying to give the Moriquendi a sense of evil, hense the 'fan fiction' part of it. But thank you for your input anyways.