"She had in her eyes, it seemed, the secrets to the entire world and everything in it. It was like the sun, the moon, the stars and the earth all came under that gaze."
oh minor note..don't mean any disrespect cause frankly I think you're very good but it's "conversation"
That's all I've got to say that's negative
Author's Response: Oh no thanks, the more people that correct my spelling the better! :)
the elves already like ermm..dont know how to put this...captured her..well not captured but...
Author's Response: They havn't captured her, she just thinks that she's in some sort of deep trouble. Elves are good, they're just intense.
You have caught my interest! I'm looking forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Thanks, thats what I like to hear! The reason why I havn't written too much is because I've been on training weekends for the TA, so i'm abit busy. I will do some more soon though, especially now people want me to. :)
you should skip lines though.. it makes it easier to read..
is this going to be a normal story like the girl is original..(i kill mary-sues for a living) or is she going to be crazy?
i guess not..
but please continue!
can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: I don't skip lines, I assume that if you've learnt to read, you've done it from books. Which don't skip lines. Yes, my character is pretty average. As it's in first person there may be some subconsious self insersion. Thank you for your comments, and yes, please do continue reading. (I've skipped the lines just this once.)