Ohhh, blackmail! Treachery and treason! Ah-well, you want reviews, so here they are.
First of all, do you have someone editing this? I am a real addict to grammer, spelling, and such, therefore my story(s) are perfectly spelled and so forth, (my reviews are in need, though:), but are lacking in plot and those finer elements. ;)
Anyway, I would be happy to beta for you and so forth, if you would like. However, I am realtivly new to computers(our old one, *rude verb*!),so I am still learning.
I think your moving to fast in the storyline, but all my fav storys are as least 2000 pages long (I read fast as you can guess:). The deaths happen too quickly.
"I love you very much, goodbye!", were her last words.
Maybe (You can hit me w/ a brick AFTER I'm done :) would sound better thusly:
"I love you very... much!", she gasped as her sight began to fade, "Goodbye...my sweet." Her last words were a mere whisper, breathed with her final breath, and all her love.
Okay, so I'm a drama-ist, but it is more real to the reader.
So, is this long enough? I can continue if you want.
Author's Response: HAHA