I notice that you've increased the amount of speech as opposed to non-speech. I applaud the fact that I'm not confused by who's speaking... hope you don't forego too much more descriptive detail, though. I enjoy snippets of detail and I think you do it well -- how the characters are standing, sitting, how the light plays, what's the temperature... little things.
Author's Response: You should hear me and my mom talk about it. My real name is Laura. It gets a little confusing!
Thank you so much for your feedback. I tried to include more detail in the next chapter, but it has made it much longer. I hope you don't mind. ;-)