Reviews For The Dark Elf
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Title: Chapter 16 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
A very different ending then i would have expected. i actually thought Solaris would die froma broken heart. i'll wait for the continuation.
iggybaby
Date: Jan 31 2007 07:17 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 15 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
i can hear a drumroll! Action!
iggybaby
Date: Jan 31 2007 07:11 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
They will never make it. unless you have something pulled up your sleeve...*stares into space*
iggybaby
Date: Jan 31 2007 07:09 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Poor solaris. she does not know what is to happen to Boromir.
iggybaby
Date: Jan 31 2007 07:06 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
What a shocking past. i can't type on this keyboard! it's broken!
iggybaby
Date: Jan 25 2007 08:48 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
okay. i noticed that a few of your paragraphs where in present tense, while others were in past tense. i myself get confused with these tenses so what i sugest is get a friend orfamily member who knows their stuff or get a beta-reader. It's great so far! but will solaris continue with the fellowship?
iggybaby
Date: Jan 25 2007 08:41 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Just a little constructive help here. some of your sentences are to long. don't be afraid of separating them and creating more. other than that everything's fine! i love it!
iggybaby
Date: Jan 25 2007 08:33 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
where is solaris? did she get hurt and not make it out?
iggybaby
Date: Jan 25 2007 08:29 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Go, go, go! Run as your very lives depend on it!
iggybaby
Date: Jan 10 2007 08:41 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Aragorn has to let go of his anger! grr!
iggybaby
Date: Jan 10 2007 08:37 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
somehow, it seems that solaris can ... forsee what might happen? either that or it's just me.
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 09:32 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
you portray the feelings and actions of a severely misjudged female warrior really well. wow, that was a lot of big words i used.
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 09:24 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
No one takes the advice of a female. i Hate it! Grrr. good job.
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 09:20 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Yay! go hobbits!
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 09:16 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Why? i'm confused. maybe the next chapter will explain things more clearly...
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 09:04 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: iggybaby Signed
Interesting. you've got me hanging.
iggybaby
Date: Dec 10 2006 07:03 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
I don't like that you're making Aragorn the bad guy here. Also, you're upsetting the power balance in Middle-Earth. Solaris is too powerful, she doesn't fit in with the story. You should tone down a little on the descriptions of how 'lethal' she is with her many weapons.
Date: Dec 10 2006 07:10 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
Yeah...again, you need to be more original. You don't have to recount the movie to us in such detail, you should try and have more of your own original ideas rather than a regurgitation of the film script. You could really have just skimmed over this section of the story, if you weren't going to change anything in it.
Date: Dec 10 2006 07:06 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
'Give the gold to the poorest person in Gondor. That is what I would want.'
Ack. Now she's selfless and kind on top of everything else.

If you must make them think she's weak because she's a woman, at least make them gentlemanly. They would be polite and courteous to her, not discriminatory and rude.

Sorry, but Solaris is completely wrong about the gap of Rohan. Saruman would never have been so lax as to stop watching it, even if they were already half-way across the mountain. Remember, he has more than enough forces to watch every route across the mountains, and he wouldn't take such unnecessary risks when he doesn't have to. To be honest, that argument just makes her sound a little foolish.

There seems to be very little new content in this chapter. We've all seen the movie, I don't think anybody needs it retold to them.

As I've said though, your writing style is fairly good if you discount a few grammar errors.
Date: Dec 10 2006 03:49 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
All the chauvinism is getting on my nerves a little. Again, it's a typical Sue thing, having to battle prejudice against her gender. There may have been some subtle sexism in Tolkien's writings, but nothing nearly so blatant. It doesn't really work in Middle-Earth.

Elrond would not just forgive Solaris' threat to Gimli. Her conduct was completely inappropriate in the council setting, and she should have at the very least been reprimanded for it.

'You have my bow and all the skills I possess'. Sheesh, couldn't she just offer her bow and leave it at that? The rest of the Fellowship only ever offered their bow, or axe, or whatever other weapon they could wield. You shouldn't try to make her seem more powerful than any of them.
Date: Dec 10 2006 03:42 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
Legolas' name is not 'Legolas Greenleaf', and he would never introduce himself as such. 'Greenleaf' is what his name means in Elvish. If you must give him a surname, use 'Thranduilion', which means 'son of Thranduil'. That's probably how he would have been referred to anyway.

The plotline seems to be jumping around a little bit. The argument between Legolas and Boromir was very OOC, and I don't see why so far all the males seem attracted to Solaris.

Why is it suddenly Aragorn and Arwen again? Unless I'm much mistaken, in the previous chapter you had Thranduil saying something about Legolas and Arwen.

Merry would not have kissed Solaris' hand in greeting. He's a Hobbit, and he hasn't been brought up to act like that. That sort of chivalrous behaviour wasn't a part of their culture.

That last little bit didn't make much sense either. Still, maybe you are going to explain it in future chapters. It just makes no sense at the moment.

I cannot think for the life of my why anybody would want Solaris to sing at the council. They've got much more important things to be discussing. I'm afraid the whole singing thing is typical Mary-Sue behaviour.

Again, sorry if this review sounds rude. I'm really only trying to be helpful. For what it's worth you do seem to have quite a nice writing style, so your work could turn out quite good. If I thought this story was hopeless I wouldn't be spending my time writing concrit for it, so if anything take it as a compliment ;)
Date: Dec 10 2006 03:35 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: ArwenUndomiel Signed
Ok, this isn't a flame. It's just constructive criticism, so please don't take offense.

Firstly, while your spelling seems to be mostly ok, there are a number of sentences that don't make clear sense. Your grammar could use some help to. I recommend that you get a beta reader who could help you sort out those problems.

Secondly, Elves do not have red hair. There's simply no way around it. They can have dark, blonde or even silver hair, but never red.

Solaris is simply not an appropriate name for an elleth. It means nothing in Elvish.

The whole branding thing is completely un-Elven. The Elves would never do that, even if they were some underground group like your assassins. It really isn't plausible. Oh, and the rangers were the remnants of the Dunedain, not some group that any person of any race can join. An Elf can't belong to the rangers, though some (like the sons of Elrond) may aid them in their missions.

So far, Solaris is a complete Mary-Sue. She's very unusual-looking (see my previous comment about red hair) and extremely powerful. She stands out from her race in that she's been permitted to join a group that only accepts males. Anyway, if it had been such a controversial issue to let a woman join their group, it would have taken a lot longer for them to decide. She wouldn't simply be given the brand just like that.

By the way, the notion of a group of assassins in Middle-Earth seems a little absurd. I don't think Tolkien ever mentioned anything about some elite group that were somehow better than all the powerful warriors and Elf-lords he created. Basically what it is doing is giving this girl something over all the Fellowship. Never mind that they (excluding the hobbits) are all fearsome warriors, Solaris is an assassin! It really doesn't work for me.

The Nazgul were sent out from Mordor to hunt down the ring. They are extremely unlikely to be gallivanting off around the country chasing assassins. And even if they did, the results of their attack would be fatal. They wouldn't just leave Solaris alive.

Legolas sounded like a little kid off for his first day at school, in the parting scene. And what's all that about Arwen loving him? Um, Arwen is in love with Aragorn.

I don't know much Elvish either, but your stuff doesn't sound at all like what I know of Elvish. I'm not really in a position to say, but it sounds like the translator you're using may be false. I could be wrong there, though.

Again, please don't take this as a flame. It isn't intended to be rude or cruel, I'm only trying to point out what I perceive to be errors in the story.

One final thing; you shouldn't post an entire story all at once, as far less people are likely to take the time to read it. Much better to submit it one chapter at a time, even if you've got it all written. And your summary isn't particularly eye-catching at this stage. I'd recommend changing it a little to make it sound more interesting.
Date: Dec 10 2006 03:19 am [Report This]
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