“Will you ever become king of Gondor?” he asked drawing his sword he felt a change in the atmosphere.
Maybe like this?
“Will you ever become king of Gondor?” Andras asked, but suddenly felt a change in the atmosphere, and quickly drew is sword.
The only reason I mention this is because I had to reread it several times to understand it. I know I absolutely hate it when people critique me, but I think your story would be one of the best I have read if it had more adjectives and was not so fast paced. I love the plot, as I said earlier. I like the foreboding sense you give the words, kind of like waiting for the string to snap. So...
The Good News:
-Nice edge to the words
-Nice humor and dialogue.
The Constructive News:
-Maybe a little more adjectives might give your stories some more length. Aim for around 2000-3000 words when you write a chapter.
Instead of : "'Well that was interesting.” He commented calming down his horse “Calm down Galador, you’ll be fine.” Rubbing the stallion’s neck.'"
“Well that was interesting,” he commented as he attempted to calm down his horse “Calm down Galador, you’ll be fine,” he whispered, rubbing the stallion’s neck.
Just to go along with the length thing... :)
Remember I absolutely positively hate it when people critique me. I'm only trying to be constructive. I've switched accounts on here quite a few times on here, my originial was 'Alatariel' and my friend's was 'Alatariel Narmolanya'.
(Just by our names, you can see why we were friends.)
If you look at some of her reviews on 'This I Vow," a reviewer absolutely flamed her. Each and every single time. I was REALLY mad and was about to email the reviewer and inform them just how I felt about that sort of review.
After all the reviews, and everything was said and done, guess what?
Alatariel Narmolanya won the Flame of Anor awards. For 'This I Vow.'
If you did look at the reviews, I just want you to know I'm not trying to be like that. I HATE that person now for it, and won't even read their stories. Please don't consider me to just be being rude here. In fact, read my stories on my old account. Then read the ones on this account. See the difference?
Also, please critique me on this account. Please. I hate it, but no-one has been giving me constructive reviews and I need to know what I can fix.
Heh... fairly long review there. :) Don't take anything personally that i said, please. And most of all, good luck in the realms of fanfiction!!!
The Good News: I love the plot, and the descriptions of the characters. I think that's my favorite part of your writing so far... especially the blood brother part at the end.
The Constructive News: A few grammatical and punctual errors. Can I beta for you maybe?
Overall: I love it! Some punctuation makes it a bit hard to read, however. Please update soon!
Hi, this isn’t really a review, but I don’t think the “Contact Author” thingy works, so I’m posting it here, so I KNOW you’ll see it.
Basically I’m going to be posting my new story soon, and one of my characters has the same name as yours (Andras) I wanted to know if you’re ok with this, or do I need to change my character’s name?
Author's Response: I don't care. He changes between the main three Andras, Ares and well you'll find the other name later.