Yikes! That looks kind of intimidating. It's funny, though. Just some suggestions, use quotation marks and other punctuation so the reader doesn't have to think too hard to figure out what you mean. And also, check your spelling, okay? There are a lot of words that are mispelled over and over again. Otherwise, very good story. I think the Mary-Sue-ish-ness should come back to bite her, if you know what I mean.
Author's Response: The bad grammar, improper formatting, lack of quotations, and poor spelling are intentional, just so you know.