Congratulations on posting your first story here. It seems action-packed.
Please do two things:
*Credit any co-authors appropriately
*Please do clean up your grammar, punctuation and paragraph breaks. That will make it easier for everyone to read and get you more reviews!
Author's Response: ^^' yeah about that how bout some pointers... i kinda suck at this, i really really really need to know when to stop but i get Anxious and forget 'bout stopping... any help or pointers would be very much appretiated, and thank you for reading my post! ^^