Well, I really like your story ^^ , but I've got one remark: I think it's Thranduil in place of Tharanduil... I think I'm right, but when I'm not, you can tell me, oké?
Author's Response: Ummmm... O!! I see what you mean! I truly have no idea. Maybe we should set up a debate! No, jk, I'll look at the book thanks!
Eh? There's a big huge space at the end of the chapter.. .it might just be a software bug. Anyway, I like it, although I feel you could go without the parentheses. It makes it more fun if we only half-know what the vampire's thinking. And I sent you an email telling you how to use HTML coding for italics.
Author's Response: thanx! yeah, that must have been a little (or big) typo
Some points of improvement: I'd personally italicize the elvish, put space between paragraphs (already mentioned), check capitalization, and if you don't already I find reading through mine out loud seems to work really well. Go ahead and try that.
But great work so far! I can't wait to see more.
Author's Response: hey, good pointers, but i was wondering if you could tell me how to italisize? you can email me. thanx!
Oh, I love the topic! Thuringwethil and the vampires of Arda do not get enough attention.
I won't quibble about your use of modern language and contractions in elf speech, but have you considered putting more white space between your paragraphs? I find it increases online readability anyway.
Author's Response: that might be a good idea, i think. I'll try it!