That's tremendously dramatic. Congratulations on posting your first fic here!
Please don't use repeated characters to make breaks in your text. It can mess up the site code. I encourage you to read Aelfwine's article on HTML tags that will work on this site.
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. I wanted you to look at it and see if that was better. I was wondering after I read the thing. So let me know. Thanks! KerowynLinderion