I am the very model of a modern Mary Sue, oh yes,
I've knowledge of old healing, which I use with great finesse,
I know the kings of Harad, but I quote facts non-historical,
From Baradur to Weathertop in order categorical.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with governments Gondorian,
I understand real Elvish, both the Quenya and the Sindarin,
About hobbitish customs I am teeming with a lot of news,
With many cheerful facts about the pipeweed which is often used. (Repeat x 3)
I'm very good at recognizing Dunidain-an signal calls,
I know to walk quite quietly and avoid the numerous pitfalls,
In short, with knowledge on old healing that I use with great finesse,
I am the very model of a modern Mary Sue, oh yes!
I know the mythic history with Elendil and Gil-Galad,
I can cook up cosmetics the finest which you've never had,
I quote the Elvish poets for the wondrous "lay of Luthien,"
But I cannot sing a note for all the gold that's in Anarion.