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Fei’s Arena

PRELUDE:

Fei: *Walks to the middle of the Pelenor Fields and faces Minas Tirith. Waves staff and says: I call upon the youth of the world to assemble in four minutes from now in Gondor, Middle-Earth. *
Fei: *Closes eyes and opens them again to see Legolas*
Legolas: No! Not another arena! I’m still recovering from the last. *Points to blue hair*
Fei: Hey! That’s not my fault! How was I supposed to know Figwit Fans came to these arenas…
Legolas: *Points to axe-wound in back of head*
Fei: Or Haldir Fans…
Legolas: *Points to kisses on face*
Fei: Or LotR fan girls…
Legolas: *Points to ripped clothing*
Fei: Ok, that one was I…
Legolas: If you pouf in any fan girls this time…*Looks around* Do you hear that?
Fei: *Points to something behind Legolas* Uh…I don’t think I should tell you what’s…
Legolas: *Turns around and see a huge mob of LotR fan girls running towards him*
OH SH-
Fei: Hey! No foul language!
Legolas: SHITAKI MUSHROOMS!
Pippin: MUSHROOMS?! WHERE?!
*Pippin and other three Hobbits begin to look franticly around*
Fei: *smiles wickedly* Hey Hobbits! Legolas has mushrooms!
Legolas: No I-
Fei: *Poufs mushrooms into Legolas’ hand*
Legolas: DOH!
*Four Hobbits run to stampede Legolas*
Legolas: AHH! NO! BACK…FIENDS!
*Four Hobbits knock Legolas to ground and all reach for mushrooms*
Fei: *Rolls around laughing*
Legolas: Help! Where are fan girls when you need them?!
Fei: *Wipes tear from eye* Now that’s knee slapping good fun! *Sigh*
*Fei raises staff and poufs Toad and Toadette in a few feet from Legolas and the Hobbits*
Pippin *rears his head to look at them* MUSHROOMS!!!
*Toad and Toadette look up at huge creatures running towards them*
Both: *Run away screaming HELP!*
*Three other Hobbits get up and run after Pippin and the Shroomates*
Legolas: *Gets up* I’d say, ‘Thank you’ but you started it.
Fei: Nah, it’s totally cool. I know you’d do the same for me.
Legolas: Actually…*Hears screaming in background*
*Both look over to see fan girls still running towards them*
Legolas: OH-
Fei: We talked about this…
Legolas: Oh right! Uh…CIRDAN’S BEARD!
Fei: Thank you.
Legolas: *Begins running away but shouts over his shoulder, No problem! *
Fei: * Looks around and finds Figwit standing not 10 feet away holding a sign that reads: Legolas this way. *
Fei: You?! You started the mob?
Figwit: *Grins and nods*
Fei: *Shocked* But why?
Figwit: You know, this all started when I was a young elfling. I had this stuffed bear named Mr. Fluffy…
*Boromir walks up and looks at Figwit. Looks at Figwit from head to toe*
Boromir: Hey, have we met before? ‘Cause of we had, I would have…*Tries to reach out and grab Figwit’s arm*
Fei: *Eyes widen and slaps Boromir’s hand away* NO! DON’T TOUCH HIM! HE’S MINE!
Boromir: Oh really? *Hugs Figwit*
Fei: Grr…I told you not to TOUCH HIM!
Boromir: *Strokes Figwit’s hair*
Fei: MUST. CONTROL. ANGER. *Eyes begin to turn bright green*
Boromir: *Smiles wickedly*
Fei: *Turns into The Hulk* DON’T GET THE HULK ANGRY! YOU WON’T LIKE HIM WHEN HE’S ANGRY!
Figwit: Uh…I thought you name was Ar-feiniel and…um…you’re a girl…
Fei: RAWR! *Runs over to Boromir and tackles him* AR-FEINIEL SMASH!
Boromir: EEP!
*Aragorn walks up to Figwit and folds arms across his chest*
Aragorn: *Watching Fight* Uh…so do you think we should help him or something?
Figwit: Nah, he can handle himself.
Aragorn: *Eyes widen when he sees Fei chasing Boromir with a chainsaw* Right…
Fei: NEVER MESS WITH THE GREEN, MAN!!
Aragorn: *Looks around to see Legolas walking up to him and Figwit with a black eye, blue and red Mohawk, torn clothes, and a million kiss marks on his face.*
Legolas: Aragorn! Long time no see, man. How’s it goin’; Arwen doin’ fine?
Aragorn: Just great…what happened to you?
Legolas: *Sigh* the usual. *Runs hand through Mohawk*
Aragorn: Mortal girls?
Legolas: Yea, you know…I’ve been thinking about getting a tan, dying my hair brown, cutting it short, growing a mustache and some stubble and calling myself ‘Orlando Bloom’.
*Aragorn and Figwit exchange a confused look*
Awkward silence…
Hear Boromir screaming ‘Bloody Mary’ and the sound of a chainsaw cutting something in the background…
*Figwit and Aragorn turn back to Legolas*
Aragorn: Ew…why would you do that?
Chapter End Notes:
Apologies if this offends anyone in any way. Please tell me if I hurt anyone's feelings, etc.
Sorry, if I took anyone's joke or idea. I'm bored and I have a headache so I need something random and funny. If you like it I'll continue with my random fun. Thanks :)
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