Love is such a strange and fickle thing. What is it about another person that makes you like them? How is it despite their faults you can feel such a connection? I may be young and know very little of love but what I can see around me, yet I have always been called perceptive, often times advanced for my age. There are so many relationships around me to observe, to learn from; so many incidents and happenings to laugh and cry over, not necessarily in that order.
I have made it a point since I was but a babe to watch my parents. Though the basic outline remains the same, the individual words and actions of each moment open so many new roads of travel. To others, it may seem that my parents disagree on everything, and they may wonder how it is that they married in the first place, but to me, knowing the inside story, their relationship is something beautiful.
My father, without fail, leaves the day following my begetting day. He leaves to take vengeance against a race of creatures originally bred from hate, the creatures that almost destroyed my parent’s lives. First my mother was captured, and my grandmother, whom I have never known. Though both were rescued in the end, the resulting scars do not heal easily, and as such has brought about much contention among the family.
My grandmother left these shores, but my mother remained for the love of my father. This alone proves that despite their differences they were meant for each other. I should think that I and my five brothers would be proof that they love each other, yet I still face taunts from others that think otherwise.
As a child I had an uncanny dream sense, though it has long since faded from my mind. I was told that it had been a gift from the Valar, but was not permanent, and this proved true, but while I had it, it gave everyone much insight to the ways of things that we needed to know. It was during this time that I was given knowledge I share now that I did not then.
All is as was meant, in its way. Free will can change many things, but basically the future is the same. I saw my parents sail together, so I know it is meant that they remain together. I saw many things in my dreams, including my own marriage to one very dear to me. As I was only five at the time I don’t think he believed me serious, but I was and still am.
I often come upon him while he broods or contemplates his life. I know there are times he misses what he once had, his life in Gondolin. He misses his family that he once had, his brothers and parents. He certainly misses the friendships he made then and lost in the ultimate and foreseen fall of the fair replica of Tirion on Túna.
He is in a contemplative mood now, I can see, as he stands upon the bridge above me. I am behind the falls, in my special place but I can see him standing there. He comes here often…many do, for the sight is beautiful, particularly at night. He has a secretive, partially sad smile on his lips, and the hand holding his wineglass spins the glass slowly, the liquid inside forming a small whirlpool. I cannot see the pool, but this action is one I have seen many times up close. He often does this.
Would that I knew even a fraction of his thoughts and feelings and I could begin to tell you but a mere shadow of who he is, of what he is like. I think tonight, this warm midsummer night, he is thinking of Gondolin. He knows, as do I, that it is not yet his time to return to the far shores in the West, but it does not stop the longing I can feel emanating from him.
I love this ellon with my full being. That one vision of our marriage is one that I have held close all these years. I am a mere 250 years today, for it is my begetting day, and he is ancient but I love him anyway. Less than two ennin I have lived, and though I am an adult a child I am considered still. I fear, sometimes, that he still sees me as the child he carried on his shoulders and taught how to swim.
In the many ages he has been here on Middle-earth he has never married. His death may have interrupted whatever plans he had, but in the thousands of years since his return from the Halls of Mandos he has never married, nor have I seen him give such hope to any elleth in my years. If he loves, it is secret and he shares it with no one.
There are times I wonder if he can possibly know of my love, if he suspects my devotion. Perhaps my constant presence gives me away. But even as a child, I was always there. He was my self-appointed keeper, my teacher, my friend. I once looked to him as my hero, but now I want so much more. Whether or not he is aware of this, my love does not change.
Emel a fëa, vín manadh naud go an-uirHeart and soul, our fate is bound together for eternity