[Reviews - 117] Printer
Summary: The members of the Fellowship must learn to deal with one of the worst aspects of being famous...fanmail..written by the horror of horrors, fangirls.
Rated: PG-13
Categories: Book-verse Characters: Aragorn
Genres: None
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Challenges: Hilarious stories!!!
Challenges: Hilarious stories!!!
Series: None
Chapters: 50 Completed: Yes
Word count: 35811 Read: 61141
Published: Apr 12 2011 Updated: Jul 24 2011

1. Fanmail and the chaos it causes by Melda [Reviews - 19] (517 words)
None of the characters are mine,no money shall ever be made off of this. The only thing that I lay claim to is the plot.

2. The Sword and the Sue by Melda [Reviews - 5] (561 words)
Not mine. NO money. Ever. The plot is the only thing I own.

3. Surrounded by Sues by Melda [Reviews - 3] (448 words)
Nothing is mine except the plot! No money is made off of this fic.

4. A Leap Of Faith (and a few hops) by Melda [Reviews - 5] (571 words)
*super heavy sigh* Nothing belongs to me *Tiny Tear*. I've decided that rather than trying to abduct Gimli, I'd prefer to observe him in his natural environment.

Anyway, I don't make money off of this.

5. Uhh....We're not in Middle-Earth anymore Mr.Elf by Melda [Reviews - 3] (600 words)
Strange...I sense a disturbance in the force..is that me staking claim on Tolkien's work?

Nope. That's just my brother's socks growing mold under his bed. *Shudder* No wonder there was a disturbance.

If you haven't guessed already, I don't own anything that the genius otherwise known as Tolkien created and neither do I own Mr.Dahl's book or Mr.Burton's movie.

Nor do I own Johnny Depp.

I think I've covered all the basics except for the fact that I don't make any money whatsoever off of this.

6. Hey..has anyone seen Gandalf? by Melda [Reviews - 4] (875 words)
*Pouting* Even Johnny Depp has refused to come to me! *Tiny tear*...sad day :(

Well, I guess nothing belongs to me. At all. Sorry. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Same goes for money.

7. Within the Chocolate Room...a.k.a. The Incredibly Short Chapter by Melda [Reviews - 2] (231 words)
Okay, before I get the disclaimer out of the way. I'm going to let of those who didn't get the incredibly corny joke I made in the last chapter.

Anyone who has watched the original Willy Wonka movie knows that Gene Wilder played as Wonka. So when Willy says his line at the end of the last chapter, it's just a shout out to one of my fave actors.

So...nothing is mine. No money. There. Everything is taken care of. Shall we boogie?

8. An incident one would prefer to forget by Melda [Reviews - 1] (778 words)
I'm on a LotR high. Just watched all three movies in a row two times. It was hypnotic! Gimli *swoon*...sorry. Fangirl moment.

Anyway, on to the disclaimer!
I do not own in any way, shape, or form the awesomocity that is Professor Tolkien's work of genius. Also I don't own Mr.Dahl's masterpiece.

9. Off to the Mine! (My Mine, mine!) by Melda [Reviews - 2] (604 words)
Nothing is mine!

(well, 'cept the plot, anywhosenwoggle *yes, you read that right, it really does say anywhosenwoggle.

10. Return of the Sues by Melda [Reviews - 1] (475 words)
Nothing is mine. Woe is me! *Bawling eyes out*

11. Off to another Canon by Melda [Reviews - 0] (296 words)
Nothing is mine!

12. Of couse the Elf would make friends with the Whomping Willow! by Melda [Reviews - 3] (730 words)
Nothing is mine.

I'd like to take the time to thank all of the kind people who have reviewed me...thank you!

Now, on with the show..er...I mean...fanfiction.

13. An unexpected tag-along by Melda [Reviews - 2] (751 words)
Nothing is mine. J.K.Rowling, Mr.Dahl, and Professor Tolkien own the characters. I, however, own the plot.

14. Sourpusses First ! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (239 words)
Nothing is mine

15. Dance Lessons from the Goblin King by Melda [Reviews - 3] (1896 words)
I do not own Jareth, the Fellowship, Willy Wonka, or Severus Snape. Those all belong to the following directors and/or authors
Jim Henson
Professor Tolkien
J.K. Rowling

Enjoy my plot!

16. Of Captains and Innuendos by Melda [Reviews - 3] (318 words)
Nothing is mine

17. Plop, plop, fiz, fiz, Oh what a relief it is! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1049 words)
Must I repeat myself?
I don't own anything, even the deliciosity that is *Captain* Jack Sparrow.

18. It's a mad world after all by Melda [Reviews - 1] (564 words)
Nothing in this fic belongs to me, except for the plot. The characters belong to the following authors and/or directors
*Professor Tolkien

19. Of Cabbages and Kings by Melda [Reviews - 1] (850 words)
"Hey guys. It's me Melda. I don't-"

"Downal wit th' bluddy begh hid!"



"I'm trying to write a disclaimer."

"Really? That's interesting, you know, I've never interrupted a disclaimer before. There was this one time with Mally that I interrupted her and she pricked me with a hatpin...*big, electric green puppy-dog eyes* you won't prick me with a hatpin, will you?"

*Rubs temple* "No, Tarrant."

"That's good. Melda?"

*sighs* "Yes?"

"Do you have any idea how a raven is like a writing desk?"

"Ummmm..*thinks* because both of them will always have a flat note?"

"Really? I didn't know."



"You forgot to finish your disclaimer.*Shakes finger* Naughty girl."

*Bangs head against the nearest available table.* "I own nothing."

20. Commando Kilts! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1108 words)
Okie-dokie, folks! This is my disclaimer.

[Pleasent,female computerized voice]

Please understand that none of the following characters are in any way the property of *Melda* and that the only thing that said author *Melda* owns is the plot.
Have a nice day.

[End computerized voice]

21. Oh, the humanity! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (538 words)
The characters belong to their respective creators. Marie is my property, though, and I refuse to share her with anyone but a particularly handsome Dwarf.

22. One Hell of a good time by Melda [Reviews - 2] (452 words)
Nothing is mine, I swear!

23. A Painful Realization by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1223 words)
Nothing is mine. Not even our lovely Dwarf, Mr.Gloinsson.

24. A Step into the Unknown by Melda [Reviews - 0] (492 words)
I own nothing. However, dear reader, before you take this step into the unknown, I would like to make it clear that some extremely funny things are going to happen in the next few chapters, so you might want to brace yourselves for one heck of a ride.

25. Oh, no! It's the REAL WORLD! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (661 words)
The characters all belong to their respective creators. The plot and OC belong to me.

26. One Really Awkward Chapter by Melda [Reviews - 3] (749 words)
Nothing is mine!

27. A Dilemma, A Debate, And Yet Another Catchy Tune! by Melda [Reviews - 3] (1029 words)
Once again, dear readers, I must remind you that I own nothing. However, I must also insist that I am in no way responsible for you laughing yourself to death....

28. The Adamses by Melda [Reviews - 4] (357 words)
I own nothing!

29. Promises and Playtime; Hangman Anyone? by Melda [Reviews - 4] (1093 words)
I own nothing! Marie and the plot are the only exceptions.
Enjoy! :)

30. Card Games and Inconsequential Destinations by Melda [Reviews - 2] (1098 words)
None of the characters that I have mentioned in this story are mine except for Marie. She's mine along with the plot. Gimli has expressed that he is extremely attached to Middle-Earth and asked me to quit soliciting him to move to Reality. I will not relent in my persuit, however and Reality shall be populated by Dwarves in the future if I have anything to say about it! :)

31. The Powers That Be by Melda [Reviews - 2] (360 words)
I own none of the characters except my OC. Gimli and Marie are currently picking out drapes...why a Dwarf would need drapes when he lives underground is a mystery yet to be solved...would anyone like to attempt to crack that nut?

32. A Bit of Strangeness makes the world go round...then vomit from motion sickness. by Melda [Reviews - 3] (1009 words)
I own none of the characters except for my OC-

"And boy is she a hot one, Oh, yeah, baby! I'd like to do a bit of slap and tickle with her, if you know what I'm sayin'!"

{Throws mug at unwanted intrusion} "YES, I *DO* know what you're sayin, Austin....NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FUDGING DISCLAIMER!"
{Clears throat uncomfortably} Continue on to the story please..pay no attention to the craziness that goes on above that solid line...

33. Questioning Perfection by Melda [Reviews - 1] (656 words)
I own nothing! None of the characters of the beloved genius Professor Tolkien belongs to me, nor do any other characters except my OC.

34. Like I Care by Melda [Reviews - 4] (536 words)
Nothing is mine! Oh, and I must warn you peoples. A bit of Gimli smoochin' in this chapter.

35. What Happened When Marie Found Edward's Electric Guitar by Melda [Reviews - 2] (1051 words)
I own nothing

I'm leaving tommorrow. *sighs*

Marie; We'll miss you!

Tarrant; Fairfarren, Melda. *He bows deeply*

Snape; Good riddence, your brand of humor is atrocious.


Snape; Just saying. I mean, just look at what you just wrote, that was comedy at it's worst.

"Don't make me end you! I could kill you off with a tap of my keyboard keys!"

Snape; I've very scared. Look how terrified I am *Yawns*.

"I hate you."

Snape;If you did, I wouldn't be here.

"Yes I do. Next chapter, you are getting a beating."

Snape; I think I can handle anything you throw at me.

"Oh, really?" *Grins evilly*

Peoples, with me, expect the unexpected, especially with this and the next chapter.

36. For the love of Todd! by Melda [Reviews - 3] (675 words)
Hey peoples! It's been a little while, hasn't it? Well, I finally got a bit of time to post these. I was filling up time by writing this chapter and a chapter each on some of my other stories out on paper in Learning Lab (its a study hall of sorts) because I didn't have my laptop. Now I have sweet, sweet internet access! Yippeeee!

Snape; Oh on..she's back. Why couldn't she stay away?!

Marie; You just don't like anyone, do you?

Snape; Not particularly. I can barely stand conversing with you.

Gimli; You'd better watch what you say to her!

Snape; *Smirks* And what were you planning on doing to me? You left your axe back in Hellboy's canon.

*Hellboy enters with sandwich*; Did someone say my name?

Snape;Can we please end this? I'm sure the readers are getting tired of this disclaimer that has somehow turned into a free-for-all.

"I own nothing."

Snape; That's better. One chapter closer to being done with this mess.

37. A black endless place outside of space and time and other such nonsense by Melda [Reviews - 3] (694 words)
Hey, peoples! Long time and no see, right?

Snape;*groans* She's back *again*!

Dumbledore; Now, now, Severus, the girl has done very well so far. I quite enjoy my part in her story, is it impossible for you to do the same?

Snape; I do enjoy some things...*smirks*

Dumbledore; *beams and eyes twinkle* That's a good start, now what parts did you like?

Snape; The parts where I was particularly vicious.

Dumbledore; ....

"You're mean, you know that?"

Snape; And you are a swot who takes classes during the summer.

"I hate you."

Snape; I have yet to hear any real malice in that statement.


Dumbledore; Children, play nicely.

Snape; I'm forty-effing-two, old man! I'm not a child!

"You're acting like one."

Snape; Shut up and write the damn disclaimer already before you get accused of plagarism and get us all in knee-deep dragon dung.

"I own nothing."

38. A Trip to Florida...but not to DisneyWorld...WELCOME TO SUBURBIA! by Melda [Reviews - 2] (431 words)
Hello again!

Snape; It's back. *Sighs*

Marie; You seem so excited about it.

Snape; I was hoping she'd get lost or something. Maybe even crash her computer..just something to get her out of my hair!

"You mean that greasy, straggly stuff that hangs in your face all day?"

Snape; Touche

I own nothing. :)

39. That was NOT supposed to happen! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (392 words)
Snape; Why does she insist on confusing everyone?

Marie; What are you complaining about now?

Snape; Have you read the newest update?

Marie;Ummmmm...no. *Shrugs guiltily* I had other things to do.

Snape; *Smirk* Like Gimli?

Marie; You son of a mother-fudging snozzberry! *Picks up a pillow that has randomly appeared beside her and commences with whacking him upside his head with it*

*I walk in and raise an eyebrow at the fight* "Don't look at me!" *I motion towards Snape* "I don't own him and I'm not responsible for the bad things my OC does to him."


*Replies in sing-song voice* "I don't think so"

Snape; *takes a whack to the nose* Why the hell not?!

"Cuz you're mean." *Sticks out tongue*

Snape; You little b-

*interrupts* "Lauguage, Mister Sourpuss." *Smiles at the audience* "I own nothing at all and I promise that no profit will be made off of this. I don't even own CATS."

Marie; BONZAI! *Pounces hard on Snape*

*I walk out laughing my butt off*

40. Let's Have Another Go At This, Mr. Mistofelees! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (493 words)
Marie; *gestures towards me, while I am busy doing a happy dance* Well, go on, congradulate her! She deserves it!

Snape; *Rolls eyes* Why should I? She's only gotten a single poem published and even if she *is* elidgible for the $1,000 prize, it's not that big of a deal.

"You can shove your attitude where the sun don't shine!" *I continue doing happy dance*

Jareth; *walks in smirking* You go girl. Kudos to you.

Marie; *Beams* Sarah had it all wrong, you're not that cruel at all!

*Jareth sighes exasperated*; That's what I keep trying to tell her, but she won't believe me! *Grins slyly* Maybe She would get jelous if I took you out on a date-"

*Gimli jogs onto the scene and tackles Jareth*; MINE! MINE! MINE! *Grabs Marie and clutches her to his chest* NO ONE IS TAKING MY DARLING ANYWHERE EXCEPT ME!

Snape: *Smirks amusedly* How very primal.

Marie;*Giggles* I know! He's such a sweetheart. *Kisses Gimli on the tip of his nose* I adore him when he gets possessive.

Gimli; *puffs out his chest* A Dwarf isn't a Dwarf unless he knows how to keep his girl around. *Glares at Jareth* Or keep others away!

Marie; He said that I'm *his girl*! *Swoons dramatically*

Snape; *Gets up and heads for the door* I'm leaving, I can't take this sentiment bullshite.

*Sighs and stops dancing* "I own nothing and I make no money off of this fanfic."

41. Snape can SING?! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (817 words)
Snape; *Bellows* I DO NOT SING!

"In this fic you do."

Snape;*Splutters* It's preposterous,..it's..it's absurd!

"I always thought you had an attractive voice...for all that you use it to insult me."


*Shrugs* "I've always been fond of exceptionally deep voices."

Snape; Is that why you're so crazy about Dwarves?

*Gives him a shy look* "Maaaaybeee. There are other reasons...*Gazes out into space*..muscles for one."

Snape; *Shakes head* Never thought you would be all that choosey.

"Hey! I've got standards! *Smiles dreamily*..Dwarves just happen to meet and exceed those standards."

Snape; *Raises eyebrow* Uh-huh. You do know that you're a hopeless fangirl, right?

"Yes. *Sigh* And I don't own anything in this fic, which is sad, but it's the truth, so I'll have to deal with it."

42. Pulling curtains, renting slippers and what comes from good breeding by Melda [Reviews - 1] (566 words)
Snape; Good luck in New York, try not to get mugged.

"Oh, very clever. Do you do stand-up? Maybe that would explain why you always smell like rotten tomatos."

Snape; At least I don't go around dousing everything in perfume!

"You could at least wear some cologne once in a while. Smelling like the dungeons doesn't exactly attract a whole lot of females."

Jareth; She does have a point. That's why I always use Colgate!


Jareth; Yes?

"You do know that's a brand of toothpaste right?"

*Nods proudly* "Of course! It keeps me minty-fresh! Sarah loves the smell of peppermint."

*Shakes head wearily* "You see what I must deal with? Sometimes I think that these characters that I do not own will be the death of me. I don't even make money off them so it's not like I get compensation for their insanity!"

43. Snape sets out on his own by Melda [Reviews - 1] (489 words)
Hello again!

Snape; Good morning.

"You're very cheerful today." *Eyes him suspiciously. "Have you been nipping at Jack's store of gin?"

Snape; Me? Consume alcohol? I could never risk the stuff, after all, alcohol loosens the tongue and being a spy, that could land me in deep boomslang shit.

"Well, why are you so happy then?"

Snape;*Rubs hands together gleefully* You've got so little time left to annoy me!

"Won't you be even a little bit sad when I finish this up?"

Snape: *thinks for a moment* I'll miss trying to make you look like a chit.

*sigh* "You'll never change."

Snape: Of course! Could you see me being all sappy and sentimental?

"If you only had a heart."

Snape: If I had a heart, I would have considered- *snaps mouth closed*

"Considered what?"

Snape: *blushes and growls* Never you mind. Just get on with the disclaimer.

"Whatever." *Smiles* "Hello, I'm Melda and the following story is brought to you by me, however, I am not the owner of many of the characters in said story. These aforementioned characters, therefore, are also not a source of profit for me as an individual. Thank you and have a nice day!"

Snape; *grumbles* Oh sure, you had to go and try to sound smart.

44. Monkeys with wings and other such things by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1551 words)
I own nothing!

Snape; *Grumble* I can't believe you did that to me.

"Shut up. At least they didn't pull out your stuffing like they did to poor Scarecrow."

Snape; You're despicable.

"Nope. I'm Melda,*holds out hand to shake* Nice to meet you."

45. Simply Doomed by Melda [Reviews - 1] (559 words)
I own nothing!

46. Gandalf says goodbye...for now by Melda [Reviews - 1] (427 words)
Marie;*Holds finger to lips* Ssh, you guys! She's coming!

*I walk in and flick on the lights*


*Blushes* "Awww..you guys." *Furrows brows in confusion.8 "Why is Snape in a party hat and blowing a party whistle?"

Snape; I lost a bet. *Blows the whistle with an irritated 'toot'*

"Ah. I see."

*Marie marches up*; This is going to be so sad when you finally finish this fanfic. *hug*

"I couldn't agree more. Though I promise that I'll round you all up for another one some other time."

*Cheers and brandishes a beer bottle* Jack; I LOVE birthdays! Drinks all around!"

*Smiles* "I unfortunately do not own any of these wily characters."

Snape; *Toot!* Thank goodness.

47. While you're waiting.... by Melda [Reviews - 1] (900 words)
Only three more chapters to go, guys!

Snape; That's a true cause for celebration! Break out the party balloons!

Marie; *Shrugs* Sorry, Sevvie, we used all of those for Melda's surprise birthday party.

"I own nothing. Not even balloons."

48. Here come the Sues (To the tune of a funeral march) by Melda [Reviews - 1] (966 words)
The chapters are counting themselves down. Only two more left, my wonderful readers and lovely reviewers! Oh, I must remind you that neither do I own Shakespeare or Tolkien or any other characters or places. The only things I own are Marie and my hilarious plot. :)

49. GURTH `NI SUES! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1434 words)
Second to last chapter people!

Gimli; I enjoyed the last part.

"I knew you would." *Beams at audience* "I own nothing!"

50. One year later.... by Melda [Reviews - 4] (652 words)
Well, folks, we've come to the end. It's been a long, amusing road for all of us. This was the longest fanfiction that I'd ever attempted and it didn't even start out that way! It was originally supposed to be a one-shot and it ended up becoming an epic adventure. It's taken a little over three months to write all of this and I have to say that I couldn't be prouder of the finished product. It probably sounds vain, but writing this was extremely easy, the only hard part was finding the time to do it!

I think it's only fair to acknowledge that I wouldn't have made it to the end if it hadn't been for the support my fellow writers have given me by reviewing. I hope that all of you who have followed my story enjoyed every silly moment of it. Humor is something everyone needs in thier lives.
Now, I'm going to say it for the very last time. I own nothing!