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Author's Chapter Notes:
"Hello again! Man, it's great to be back and at the head of the second You've Got Fanmail."

Snape; WHY WON'T YOU DIE! AVADA KEDAVERA!

*Spell goes right through without any effect* "Your spells are no match for my awesomesauce FANFIC AUTHOR RAY!" *Brings out huge ray-gun* 'Say 'ello to my li'le frien'!"

Snape; Mommy! *He sucks his thumb while I laugh and tape it. Then I post it all over Youtube*

*Looks up from computer screen and smiles* "I own nothing!"
"When will we land?" Asked Gandalf desperately. He was turning an unattractive green and leaning heavily on the railing. "Why? For Eru's sake, why did I forget my seasickness pills back in Middle-Earth?!" He moaned. "At least it can't get any worse. Nothing bad *ever* happens on a pirate ship."

Jack Sparrow slapped him on the back. "'Ey!Cheer up, mate! We'll be thar in abou'.." He took a gander at the horizon. "I'd say, three 'ours."

Marie bounded up to them, Gimli was deep in discussion with Legolas about the new type of chainmail he'd been perfecting. So she'd decided to take up with Gandalf because he obviously wasn't feeling well. "You know," She said after a bit of thought. "I'd always heard that ginger was good for settling stomachs. Maybe Willy has something like that down in the galley."

"Good idea, Marie. That is, if I can keep from vomiting my innerds onto the deck, then I'm sure it will work." Just as he said that, the whole ship gave a particularly brutal rock and the poor Maia was thrown off of his feet. His fall caused Marie, who'd been trying to help him to the galley, to fall backward. At the same time, his staff hit the deck beside her and a dark, swirling portal developed underneath her. And so Marie, with the stun of the fall still upon her, did not have the sense of mind to scramble away and therefore fell headfirst into it.

"No!" Gandalf reached his arm out to the portal, but it was too late. And it had already begun to close. Jack helped the wizard up with wide eyes. "She's gone!" Shouted Gandalf to the others, who had heard the commotion and come up to see what was the matter.

"Who's gone? What the hell are you talking about, you old fool?" Snape poked his head out of the hole in the deck that led to the galley.

"Marie!" Gandalf pointed to the portal that was now just the size of his fist and growing smaller by the minute. "The ship tipped just now. We both lost our balance and my staff went flying. It landed and made a portal that she fell into!"

"We've got to find her!" Jareth said worriedly. "She could have ended up anywhere."

"There's not a moment to loose!" Gandalf shouted, forgetting the terrible state of his stomach. "We're going to have to search for her in every Canon that we pass through." He grabbed his staff and slammed it hard onto the deck, right where the other portal had appeared.

Legolas put his arm around Gimli, whose face was contorted in pain. "We'll find her, mellon." The Elf quietly assured.

Gimli pressed his calloused hand to his face. "If we don't..Dwarves take a mate for life. My heart will always belong to her, wherever she is."

"You're waxing poetic on me, Master Dwarf." He jested back, hoping to comfort and console.

A hard throat-clearing got their attention. They looked up to see Severus Snape standing in front of them. His eyes were hard as bits of flint. "We will find her, Mister Gloinsson. And if our ruddy useless companions give up, then you and I will fucking look until we drop dead of exhastion. I promise you this, and though my word is..questionable to you, I make it a point to keep my promises."

Gimli grasped the pale, spidery hand that Severus had held out. "We've got an agreement then. As long as you don't brandish no more sticks at meself and the Elf, you've got yourself a deal."

Snape smirked. "Done."
()()()()()
Meanwhile...

Marie groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. The first thing that she saw was a beard. "GIMLI!" She cried out and hugged the figure leaning over her.

But then she realized that the person she was holding was too tall to be her beloved Dwarven spouse. Not only was he too tall, but his voice was all wrong. It had an Indian accent and it felt like he was wearing a turban. "I'm afraid I'm not who you think you are, Madam." Chuckled the man.

"Who are you and..where am I?" She asked, her eyes growing wide with surprise. She quickly let go of the stranger and scooted back.

A door on the opposite end of the room. "We could ask you the same question." Said an older gentlemen. At his side was a beautiful woman dressed from head to toe in black, a youthful American guy with blond hair, another English gent, and..this was the strangest of all.. a levitating hat and coat.

And then Marie blacked out again.
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