Categories: Movie-verse, Crossovers, Other Movies Characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Jareth (Labyrinth), Original Character, The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Parody
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Chapters: 42 Completed: Yes
Word count: 37497 Read: 29622
Published: Aug 09 2011 Updated: Nov 04 2012
1. Nothing bad EVER happens on a pirate ship! by Melda [Reviews - 12] (779 words)
"Hello again! Man, it's great to be back and at the head of the second You've Got Fanmail."
Snape; WHY WON'T YOU DIE! AVADA KEDAVERA!
*Spell goes right through without any effect* "Your spells are no match for my awesomesauce FANFIC AUTHOR RAY!" *Brings out huge ray-gun* 'Say 'ello to my li'le frien'!"
Snape; Mommy! *He sucks his thumb while I laugh and tape it. Then I post it all over Youtube*
*Looks up from computer screen and smiles* "I own nothing!"
2. We're going to The Picture Show! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1070 words)
"Hello, peoples! How are you enjoying being reunited with Marie and the gang?"
Hatter; It's great! *Sips tea from random teacup he found somewhere*
"I wasn't asking you, Hatter. I was asking the audience."
Hatter; What do you mean?
"I'm talking about all the people that read about you and Marie and everyone else."
Hatter; *Glances around with a paranoid expression and whispers* You mean we're being watched?
*Slaps forehead* "That's not what I-"
Hatter; *Runs past Snape in a frenzy* STOP LOOKING AT ME!
Snape; *Frowns* What's wrong with the lunatic?
*Sighs* "I don't own anything, thank goodness."
3. Time Warped Minds by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1139 words)
*In sing song voice* "Looks like someone's got a crush on Snape!" *Ducks size 12 boot*
Snape; Say something about him one more time and I swear, I'll dunk you in the Bog of Stench!
"Isn't that what Jareth is supposed to do?"
Jareth; Yeah, who do you think you are, stealing my thunder!
Snape; I am Severus Tobias Snape and I will shove my wand up both of your asses if one more word is spoken about-
Dr.Frank N Furter; OHHH Handsome! Where are you?
*Jareth and I giggle* "I don't own anything. Sadly."
4. It's Fine Dining With The Best! by Melda [Reviews - 2] (406 words)
Hello, again everybody!
Snape: WHAT! Damnit! I had sincerly hoped you'd abandoned this worthless piece of crap! *Glares viciously*
Gimli: *Bonks Snape hard on the knee with the blunt end of his axe* She'd never abandon Marie!
Snape: *Limps out* You dashed my hopes! I hate you all and someday I WILL destroy you!
Jareth: *Pats me on the back* Don't listen to him, we're all glad you're back. He just doesn't want to admit it.
*Smiles brilliantly* Thanks. Now, my dear readers, I want you to know that I in now way whatsoever own anything in my story besides the plot and my lovely Marie, even if she is missing-in-action. Oh, and my dear readers, I'd like to ask you all about your opinion on a mysterious subject...WHERE IN THE WORLD DOES JACK SPARROW GET HIS RUM?! Seriously, it's like he makes appear out of thin air...maybe he does. Maybe Jack's a closet magician. Maybe he's got a pocket alcohol teleportor. I want to hear your guesses!
5. Close Encounters of the Headless Kind by Melda [Reviews - 1] (610 words)
I decided that I'd upload another chapter just to be safe in case I wouldn't be able to get on for another few days.
Snape: *Sarcastically* You plan for everything, don't you?
I didn't plan for you to be such an asshole.
Snape: Oh, why thank you!
*Shakes head* I own nothing, especially not the smartass over there.
6. One head is better than none by Melda [Reviews - 2] (582 words)
Hmmm. I guess I'm back on schedule with my updates, which is good thing.
Snape: Not for me!
Shut up. Anyway, I think the updates will start to become regular now that everything has settled down. You know, it's odd, this chapter. The idea came to me because I am to be cast in a production of Sleepy Hollow-
Hatter: That's neat.
Hatter! How nice to see you here! I haven't seen much anyone else here in the Chapter notes except for Snape.
Hatter: That's because he shut up everyone in the basement so that he could degrade you without interruption.
Snape: WHY DID YOU TELL HER THAT! NOW SHE'LL GO AND LET THE REST OF THOSE ANNOYING BUGGERS OUT!!
.....The Chapter Notes have a basement?
Snape: This space is like the Room of Requirement. Anything you need, it's here.
Well, I need a disclaimer.
[The fanfiction author 'Melda', does not own any of the copyrighted characters and/or settings portrayed in her storys. However, certain aspects that she has projected (a.k.a. the plot and character 'Marie') into a certain circumstance is her own and let it now be stated that no one shall attempt to recreate it in any way without Meld's expressed permission.]
*Beams* Wow. That was a little long-winded-
Snape: *Sighs* Legal technicalities always are.
-But it was still pretty cool.
Hatter: I'm going to go and make myself some tea.
Wait, shouldn't you let everyone out first?
Hatter: They'll be fine until I'm done. Marie's got it all under control.
*Shakes head* Haven't you learned anything? You should never let Marie be in control of /anything/.
Hatter: *Giggles* I know! That's why she's in charge.
Snape: He has no idea what he has unleashed.
Neither have I, unfortunatly. And I created her!
7. Ocean or not an Ocean...Hobbit feet or not Hobbit feet...that is the question! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (608 words)
Aragorn: It's great to finally be out of the basement!
Hellboy: Yeah. *Sneakily* Hey, we should get back at Snape for locking us in there.
Jack: Bu' how? Bloke knows bloody everything!
Willy: We could lock him in with Hatter and Marie. That'd really drive him insane!
Jareth: *Deviously* No, we should lock him in with *he gives them an evil look and they nodd, catching on quickly*
In Unison: Frank! *They all run off in search of Frank and Snape*
I own nothing and take no part whatsoever in the torture that these characters put each other through.
8. The Key to everything lies within the chamber pot by Melda [Reviews - 2] (849 words)
Snape: I can't believe you did that to me. It was the ultimate humiliation!
Well, maybe if you were a bit nicer to me, I wouldn't force you to do all the dirty work...no pun intended..
Snape: I despise you.
*Smiles* I love you, too, buddy. I also own nothing.
Snape: Including a brain!
9. Noted Insanity by Melda [Reviews - 1] (553 words)
Snape: *Walks by whistling* Good evening, Melda.
*taken aback* Uhmm..hi.
Snape: Would you mind if I asked to borrow a match?
*Searches pockets* Sure, what do you want it for?
Snape: Oh, nothing of any importance. *Walks away whistling*
Willy:*Walks in* Hi, Melda.
It's nice to see that you're out of the basement, Willy.
Willy: Yeah. Hey, I heard Snape cursing you again.
He does that a lot. What about it?
Willy: He said something about a third installment...?
Yes, I *am* planning another one. However, I refuse to reveal anything about it just yet.
Willy: Oh? Well, I hope you plan on memorizing it.
Willy: Because he's plotting to set the manuscript on fire.
......DAMMIT! *Starts chasing after Snape* Give me back that match! *Runs out of Chapter Notes*
Willy: *fixes his collar and smiles* I suppose that I should do the disclaimer since our beloved Melda is *Cough* busy...*Far off, Snape screams and Willy glances over his shoulder, alarmed*...anyway..Melda does not own me or anything else besides Marie and the plot. *Bows and exits*
10. Something Wicked This Way Comes.... by Melda [Reviews - 1] (742 words)
*Looks around and sees no one* I guess I'm on my own today....wait! *Listens intently* What is that sound?
Oh...it's called silence..
...Huh, it's kind of lonely up here without anybody to talk to. Not to mention boring. I wonder where everyone went. Snape probably managed to lock them up again or something, but he would be here if he had.
Where /is/ everyone?
*Sighs* I own nothing except for Marie and the plot. *Walks away* I guess nobody came because nobody cared...
11. The Apocolyptic consequences of the demise of Fandom by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1361 words)
Snape: *Grumbles* Hello, my dear.
Why are you being so nice?
Snape: I'm depressed. I'm only kind when I'm depressed.
Oh...why are you depressed?
Snape: I tried to lock up those ibeci-I mean, /lovely people/ back up in the basement again. However, I managed to trap myself in as well!
So that's why you were gone last chapter! *Grins* I wondered what had happened to you all. So how did you get out?
Snape: Hatter picked the lock with a hatpin. Then he made us all buy him tea as reward. I SPENT FIFTY SICKLES ON A FRICKIN' TEA SHIPMENT! IT WASN'T EVEN EARL GRAY FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!
I own nothing. :D
12. Our destination is Perilous by Melda [Reviews - 1] (1501 words)
Ichabod: Hi! I'm standing in for Melda today because she seems to have caught a particularly nasty cold.
Snape: Not so nasty that she can't write, apparantly.
Ichabod: Yes, well. I think she's a perfectly lovely person to keep on writing through her illness. She doesn't want to let her readers down.
Snape: I'm taking her some Pepper-Up potion.
Ichabod: I thought you didn't like her?
Snape: I don't, however I have learned that it is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar, so I am being nice to her in the hopes that she will end this madness.
Ichabod: Whatever you say...*clears throat* Anyway, none of us belong to Melda. She only owns the plot and Marie. Thank you and enjoy the chapter. *Leaves*
13. Drag me to Hellsing by Melda [Reviews - 2] (960 words)
*Cough* Hello everyone.
Snowclaw: Are you feeling alright, Melda?
No, still under the weather, Snowy.
Snowclaw: Didn't Snape take you a Pepper-Up potion?
Yes, and my ears are still smoking. However, my cold seems to be a very stubborn one.
Snowclaw: Well, I wish you the best.
*Sniff* Thanks, Snowy. By the way, everyone, I own nothing except Marie, Ellie, and the plot.
14. Judas Priest! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (857 words)
Mr.Bucket: *Tuts in an admonishing tone* Melda! I'm surprised at you! The language in this chapter is not acceptable.
Sorry, I guess I should warn them, shouldn't I?
Snape: Why bother? You haven't warned them before.
Oh, shut up.
Snape: So /he/ gets to scold you, but not I? Discrimination, says I!
Shut the hell up, says I.
Mr.Bucket: Quiet, both of you. You're acting like a couple of children.
Well, I'm a child at heart. :D Anyway, folks, I don't own anything except for my two OCs and the plot.
15. Welcome to the Madness, Mr.Anderson by Melda [Reviews - 1] (842 words)
Ellie: Melda, I am blaming you for Alucard's unnatural attraction to me.
Well, I didn't think Frank and Snape should have all the fun, that's all.
Snape: YES! Finally, someone has a share in my misery!
Ellie: *Sweetly* Oooooh, Fraaaaank! *Frank appears and tackles Snape.*
Snape: I shall have my revenge! ALUUUUUCAAAAARRRRD! *Alucard appears and swoops down upon Ellie*
I own nothing except my OCs and the plot. :D
16. Never Join Alucard's Club by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1209 words)
Alucard: You will give in to my desires!
Alucard: I command you!
Alucard: Please? *Pleading look*
Oh..*Sigh* alright. I'll make Snape buy you a Blood-flavored lollipop from Honeydukes'.
Alucard: *Licks lips* Yum.
I own nothing except my OCs and the plot. :D
17. Introducing.... the Conglomoration Of Criminal Knaves by Melda [Reviews - 0] (506 words)
Austin: I really dig this chapter. Yeah, baby!
Really? What is that you like so much?
Austin: I enjoyed the pervy conversations. *Snickers*
Austin: That's really why I'm here, you see. You're humor has been bloody dry right up until now, but now that we're at some juicy parts...*Stops and laughs at 'juicy parts'*..anyway, this chapter just makes me glad I hung in there.
*Facepalm* I'm not even going to bother responding to that.
Alucard: Would you like me eat him?
NO! *Steps in between the two of them.* No! Because-
Willy: -That would be cannibalism, my dear vampire, and that is frowned upon in most societies!
Once again a *Facepalm*! I own nothing except for my OCs and my plot.
18. Teen Titans GO!....what? Go where? by Melda [Reviews - 0] (685 words)
Jack: 'Ello, luv.
Jack: The sky, hopefully. *Glances upward* But one can never be too sure. That's why I bought insurance from that Chicken Noodle guy.
You mean Chicken Little?
Jack: Yeah! Tha's i'! 'E sold me insurance tha' would compensa'e me if I were ever ter have a bi' o' sky fall on me head.
Um...you know that's impossible for the sky to fall, right?
Jack: Wha' are you gettin' a'?
You were just double-crossed by a fast-talking chicken.
Jack: *Sighs and grumbles* I knew i'! Never trust a guy wit feathers.
I own nothing except my OCs and the plot. :D
19. Yes..there is a place like that. HEAVEN! by Melda [Reviews - 0] (841 words)
My dear readers, I must inform you that I did not willingly write this chapter. I was forced by my biggest fan and bff, Elena, to write this. Seriously.
Alucard: She couldn't have truly forced you.
Elena-Actually, I did. I forced her to withdraw from all contacts and then threatened and tortured her with the sight of pink until she gave in.
Alucard: You're evil. *Grins* I like you.
I own nothing except the plot and my OCs. And absolutely no Meldas were harmed during the making of this chapter...at least..not fatally.
20. Wham! Bam! Punch! Onomatpoeia! Random slow-mo Fighting sequence! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (738 words)
Once again, my hand was forced.
E-You will love me in the end.
Alucard: Has anyone seen Ellie? I think she's hiding from me again...
*Sarcasm* And why do you think she'd want to do that? You practically rape her in all but the true sense of the word in every chapter. I can't imagine why she doesn't want to hang around you.
Alucard: I will win her love! And then she won't my perviness!
Good luck with that. Anyway, I don't own anything except for the plot and my OCs. :)
21. Marie, myself, and I by Melda [Reviews - 2] (992 words)
As you might have guess, this chapter is all about Marie.
Marie: Finally! I can lay claim to an entire chapter!
Well, it wasn't my idea.
Marie; Wait, what?
*Glances over at Elena, who is watching with an evil grin on her face, a whip in hand.* The slave driver over there was curious about your exploits.
Marie: *Waves* Hi, Slave driver! Thanks for the chapter!
*Facepalm* as Elena grins and waves happily back.
Marie: *Looks at me* It was only polite to thank her for the chapter.
Somebody save me!
Snape: I'm here to rescue you! *Is dressed in fabulous medieval armor, complete with a helmet. The helmet's visor slids down and hits him in the nose.* Ow! *Growls* Nobody is allowed to torment Melda into oblivion except for me! *Shows a piece of paper* I have a patent on it!
E-But I am her forceful Muse. If it weren't for me, nobody would ever get another chapter until Melda was naturally inspired. I artificially inspire her. *bows* And to all of the You've Got Fanmail fans, you're welcome. I will continue to bribe, manipulate, and torture your beloved Melda into writing more chapters. *Chuckles evily* Five per day, if she doesn't drop dead of pink exposure.
But you wouldn't go that far! *Pleadingly* I mean, if I were dead, you wouldn't get any more chapters!
E- Just hurry up and get the chapter posted already. Or I will force you to look at more pink! *Laughs evilly for several seconds* And then I would take you to a park and force you to watch the squirrels! And I would then make you babysit children! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I own nothing except my OCs and the plot. *Tiny Tear* Somebody save me, please?
22. Perilous encounters by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1268 words)
I'm posting this because I don't have a death wish. Nor do I want to fight off squirrels like I did in D.C.
E-Just post the twenty-third chapter and I might give you some food.
Now she is starving me!
Alucard: Go E-!
._. I feel so /very/ loved. I own nothing besides my OCs and the plot.
23. Sibling Rivalry by Melda [Reviews - 0] (781 words)
I am now up to having to write three more chapters tonight. I believe E- wants me to die of exhaustion.
E- No, because then there would be no more fanfiction
Oh, that's so kind of you.
E-You know I love you.
You have a strange way of showing it. *Wipes sweat from brow*. Especially since you enjoy torturing me so much.
E-Just don't forget to tell them what's mine.
*Sigh* Alex and Alyssa are the sole property of E-, despite the fact that she has allowed me to play with them for a little while.
E-Thank you, now for the disclaimer.
I own nothing except for my OCs and the plot.
24. Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who has the fairest hair of all? by Melda [Reviews - 0] (467 words)
Only two more chapters to go before I am FREE!
Why do you have to be so pessimistic?
E-I have my reasons.
Because it annoys me?
E-My reasons must have been too obvious. I've got to work on being more mysterious.
I own nothing except for my OCs and the plot.
25. BEHOLD! And we bring unto you a great joy! MARIE IS FOUND! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (904 words)
Argh. My brain hurts.
E-That is no excuse. Back to work!
You are a tyrannical dictator!
E-I never said I wasn't.
I own nothing except my OCs and the plot.
26. She said EEEEEEKKKKKKKK! by Melda [Reviews - 0] (843 words)
This is it for tonight.
E-But there will be four more to do tomorrow.
E-Don't get sassy with me.
I'll be as sassy as I want!
E-Don't make me force you to watch Breaking Dawn Part 2!
NO!!!! I'll be good, I swear! *Sucks thumb*
*Wearily* I own nothing except for my OCs and the plot.
27. BOWFLEX! by Melda [Reviews - 0] (752 words)
I love the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny!
E-I showed it to you.
Yes, I know.
E-Gimli tried to save you, you know.
Really?! That's so sweet! No wonder Marie married him!
E-He sent out a message to the Dwarven High Council that would bring a legion of armored dwarves to your aid.
E-Well, there was a bit of a problem with that because the Dwarfs have *snicker* obvious limitations when it comes to /High/ Councils. Anyway, they ended up raiding IHOP.
E- It was bloody affair. There were chocolate-chip pancakes everywhere, syrup covered the floor, and, I'm told, someone spilled their orange juice.
I own nothing except for a few pancakes, my plot, and my OCs.
E-Perhaps the Dwarves should have invested in a GPS. Maybe then they wouldn't end up at random restaurants.
28. It's the Canon Cops man! by Melda [Reviews - 0] (720 words)
E-Melda, might I take the time to say that I love your work?
And that is supposed to make up for all of the torture you've put me through?
E-Actually, I was rather hoping it would.
I own nothing except for my OCs and the plot.
29. Revelations 29 by Melda [Reviews - 0] (725 words)
E-Well, I suppose I can let you slide for the time being because of your drama practice.
E-I'm not as tyrannical as I may seem.
I own nothing except my OCs and my plot. :D
30. Angst, Angst and More angst by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1106 words)
E-What are you hmm'ing about?
E-TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE HMMMMM'ING ABOUT RIGHT NOW!
You really want to know?
I was doing it to annoy you.
I own nothing except for the plot and my OCs. :)
31. Demon Pox, Star Wars and other dreadfully uncomfortable things by Melda [Reviews - 1] (655 words)
It wasn't my idea. It was from those books you lent me the other week.
E-Sometimes I wonder why I introduce you to more canons. You're the biggest fangirl I've ever met.
But If I weren't a fangirl, you wouldn't get Fanmail.
E-True, very true. Please, continue being a fangirly nuscience.
Always. :D I own nothing, not even demon pox, except for the plot and my OCs.
32. Goodbye, I don't know why you say Hello, Goodbye, Goodbye.. by Melda [Reviews - 0] (853 words)
Hello, everyone. I was only going to write two chapters tonight, but I was urged to write a bonus chapter by E-. And this time it was without a threat attached! I think she's getting better...
Snape:I think she should start threatening you to stop writing these ridiculous chapters.
You haven't been here in a while.
Snape: I was...busy.
Uh-huh...busy with what?
Snape: I..caught...Demon Pox..
Snape: You heard me. I've broke out in great red spots and they keep itching like crazy- *Sees me laughing* What?!
Those are Fan Pox! It means that you are currently being obsessed over.
Snape: How do I get rid of them?
Snape: I WANT A BINKY! *Looks at arms* They went away!
Home remedies work best :) I own nothing except for my plot and my OCs.
33. World War Spaghetti by Melda [Reviews - 0] (651 words)
E- Everyone told me to tell you that they're too busy to appear in the chapter notes at this time.
E-Apparently, Alex's on/off boyfriend Fuji found out about Frank and..well..it wasn't pretty.
Oh, my gosh, what happened?!
E-Hair was pulled, make-up was smeared, clothes were ripped, picture a fight between two teenage girls and then times that by flying fishnets and high-heels being sharpened into spears.
E-That's why they're still busy.
I don't own anything except for my OCs and the plot!
34. Bringing a Spork to a Spaghetti Fight by Melda [Reviews - 0] (695 words)
I own nothing!
Chuck Norris: BOWFLEX!
What are you doing here? You had your chapter already!
Chuck: Bow, Bow, flex, flex, bow.
I can't understand muscleman talk, could I please get an interpreter in here?!
*Arnold Schwarzenegger comes into play* He said that he will TERMINATE YOU! *Glances down at notes* No, wait..that's not it...*Glances at Chuck, who rolls his eyes* Repeat that please?
Chuck: *Slowly* Bow, Bow, flex, flex, bow.
Arnold: *shrugs* It does not make any sense.
*Facepalm* Can we get someone else, please?
*Jackie Chan appears beside Arnold and Chuck. He listens intently to what Chuck has to say* He says that he was called here because you needed him.
But I /don't/ need him!
Jackie: Oh, but you do. You needed him to make this a humorous disclaimer.
...I will not contest that. *Smiles* Thank you. You all may leave now.
*Jackie and Chuck disappear, but Arnold stays for a second longer* I'LL BE BACK!
*Sigh* I'm sure you will.
35. Sporks Are Put to Better Use in This Chapter by Melda [Reviews - 1] (479 words)
Snape: Melda is busy at the moment.
Marie: She's attempting to keep her goldfish from murdering each other.
Alex: Er...no..Marie. Where did you hear that?
Marie: From Chuck Norris.
Snape: You can understand that...that..*makes face*..I really have no insult for Mr.Norris.
Marie: Well, it wasn't though him directly...
Alex: Did Arnold translate.
Marie: Yes, why?
*Alex and Snape share a look, shake their heads, then Alex clears his throat* I believe I'm speaking for Melda when I say that she neither owns me (That credit goes to the great and magnificent E-) nor Professor Snape here *points at Snape* nor any other of the characters besides poor Miss Marie Radcliffe-Gloinsson *Marie waves* and the plot.
36. We Support Safe Innuendos! by Melda [Reviews - 1] (746 words)
Hey, everybody! I know I haven't updated in a while, but blame it on my faulty computer.
Snape: No, by all means, blame it on her.
Shut up. No one asked for your two knuts. *Giggles* If you even have knuts at all...
Snape: *growls* Just get on with what you were saying, woman.
Anyway, as I was saying before I was so /rudely/ interrupted. I would like to issue a request from a few of my loyal readers. Now, I have long been wanting a picture of the YGF crowd, but I cannot draw even a recognizable stick-figure. So I would like to ask for some art from those of you who, unlike me, /can/ draw. You may draw it anyway you like, but I would prefer if it had most of the main cast in it (i.e. Marie, Gimli and the Fellowship). I will give the artist or artists recognition, a designated place for their artwork in the next chapter or chapters of YGF2 as well as an additional bonus prize of a short story about whatever LotR thing they have in mind. You may reach me via email which I will provide for those who express interest in their comments ;)
Snape: You're wasting your time. No one wants to bother with drawing something for your stupid story.
Yet another motivation, my dear readers. Prove him wrong!
Snape: If you do not end this soon, then I will end YOU!
I own nothing.
37. Simbarella, Simbarella, dressed in yella, went upstairs to maul a fella by Melda [Reviews - 1] (913 words)
Patience is a virtue, my dear.
E-So is pacifism. *Punches me hard in the arm* Am I supposed to care?
Ow. That hurt! *Pouty face* Don't make me sic Simbarella on you!
Marie: Um..Simbarella isn't up to sic-ing right now. She's taking a nap.
*Sigh* Such is my life. I don't own anything.
38. There is belieber-ing afoot! by Melda [Reviews - 0] (2480 words)
I know it has been a few weeks, but I haven't given this up for lost!
Snape: Oh woe is me!
Shut up. Anyway, the fic is once again winding itself down and you'll have to forgive me for the angst in this chapter. I assure you that the next one will be more lighthearted.
Snape: DON'T FORGIVE HER. PELT HER WITH DUNGBOMBS!
You aren't funny.
Snape: E- thinks I am. Look at her. *Points* She's laughing her bum off.
Yes, well, E-'s opinion in the chapter notes does not filter on into the readers.
Snape: She reads this, too.
I know. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT HAS TO SPREAD!
Snape: Who knows? Maybe it's a contact disease? Sort of like Demon Pox?
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DEMON POX! And I own nothing. :)
40. Crimson Assholes and Crimson Chins by Melda [Reviews - 0] (791 words)
Snape: I would NEVER act in such an undignified manner. I am furious that you would think so! *under his breath* Dunderhead.
Oh, don't be such a sourpuss, sourpuss. You know you missed me! You said so last chapter!
Hatter: Oh, there you are again, naughty! *shakes finger* You left us hanging for a long and very awkward time!
Marie: You hurt our feelings! *brings out a hankie and a tiny violin*
I didn't know you could play!
Marie: *Shouts* That's what you get when you're away! You miss stuff! Like my first violin lesson! *Continues playing, but breaks a string* Or like Frank catching Snape in the bathroom!
Snape: There is an explanation for that, I assure you. *Glares at Marie, who continues on, oblivious*
Marie: *Starting to cry* Or when I took my first steps! And my first bite of a waffle! And when I tried green eggs and ham, even though I thought I wouldn't like it!
Snape: That's enough! When you begin to mix yourself up with a Dr.Suess character and you're murdering 'The devil went down to Georgia', that is the time for the disclaimer!
Marie: *being hauled off by Gimli* FREE WILLY, YOU HEARTLESS BITCHES!
Snape: I believe she has lost the last bit of sanity she had left.
Huh, that's funny. I never realized that I made her with any kind of sanity at all.
Snape:*facepalm* Just get to the damn disclaimer, already. I have to go and install a bloody alarm system in the bathroom.
Okay, I own nothing except for the plot and Marie. I also don't make any money off of this.
41. A Snagrid Sausage Sizzling by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1217 words)
Boromir: Why hello, Miss I-never-show-up-anymore-and-never-give-any-good-parts-to-those-who-deserve-it.
Hatter: Perhaps you should leave the nicknaming to Jareth and Gollum.
Jareth: Precious is in this year!
Gollum:Yesss, yess, it issss, precious. *Gollum, gollum* Preciousss makes nice precious ssstew. Is scrumptous, yesss, yesss! *Attempts to drag poor Melda away*
Help! Frodo! SNAPE! Where is Snape when you need him? SNAPE YOU BETTER SHOW UP IN YOUR ARMOR AGAIN OR I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR NOSE AND FEED IT TO THE RABID FANGIRLS!
Snape: *rocking back and forth in a fetal position* B-but..but I love Lily! *Starts sucking thumb*
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH HIM? *Still being dragged away by Gollum*
Aragorn: *looks at Snape with pity* It seems he got hold of some bad fanfiction with the intent to destroy the authors. But..then he read some rather...unappetizing fics involving him, Hagrid, and a can of whipped cream or the like.
Snape: Why? Why? WHY? There is no such thing as Snagrid, there is no such thing as Snagrid, there IS NO SUCH THING AS SNAGRID!
IS ANYONE GOING TO HELP ME?
Boromir: Do you promise to write us in more often?
YES, YES, NOW HELP ME, SON OF GONDOR!
Boromir: As you wish, lady Melda. *Fends off Gollum*
*She lies dazed for a moment before clearing her throat and shakily reciting that famous phrase* I own nothing. *She passes out.*
42. Battle of the Sexiness (Sexy and the Fangirls know it) by Melda [Reviews - 0] (1831 words)
Hello, everyone! I'm afraid that this is the final chapter of the You've Got Fanmail sequel. However, there does seem to be a possibility of a third installment and..why isn't Snape booing or interrupting me? *glances around* And /why/ do I hear The Grouch by Greenday?
*Marie bounds into the notes with a evil grin* Oh that's just Snape. After he recovered from his discovery of Snagrid and JoBekke (Jobelle, Jobeke, etc.) Goes to Hugworts- *She casts a sympathtic look at poor Severus*
Marie: *giggles* Oh, that was a terrible fic by a fangirl. It actually made it into the Fanfiction Hall of Fame and Infamy. *Sees Melda's lost look* Oh, that's right...you've not been in there yet, have you? It's in Castle Perilous and is a very recent addition. Lucius Malfoy paid for it after he got ahold of some terrible fic about himself and Firenze the centaur. You'll get to visit it sometime soon, I believe. Ellie got you and your reviewers all free tickets to the grand opening. The grand opening will be sometime during You've Got Fanmail number three.
Back to Snape, please?
E-He's headbanging with a fangirl. Meaning that he's slamming the aforementioned fangirl's face into a table while he makes the 'rock-on' symbol with the other hand.
Isn't that a bit too violent?
Marie: *crossly* She called Gimli an ugly sidekick!
*Hisses* SHE MUST DIE! HEAD-BANG HER BRAINS OUT, SEVERUS!
Snape: Will do! *Continues smashing fangirl's face into very hard granite table.*
Anyway, this is final chapter for YGF2 and while I am sad to see it done, I have been consoled by the wise reminder of E- that there is a quote for such a time '42 is the answer to life, the universe, everything'. Now, let's get the show on the road as we remember that I own nothing besides my plot and OCs!