This is a wonderful prologue and 100% truth. Excellent way to begin your story.
Author's Response: Why thank you; your opinion always means a lot to me!
I really don't like stories written in the first person but you've executed this well.
Just one thing- we all know he's British so try not to turn him into a cliche. The word "bloody" is already severely overused. If you want to throw in the occasional Brit slang word, that's fine. But try going with something like "bollocks" instead. A bit less obvious, that one.
Re-read your lst sentence, I think you omitted some words.
Author's Response: I\'ll take a look at that first sentence but if I remember correctly, it\'s broken up like that on purpose. Kind of done as a stream of thought more than a coherent sentence. And about the bloody thing, you\'re right, I need something less obvious. Plus it\'d be nice to have some more slang at my disposal. Do you happen to know where I could find some?
I'm afraid I have to give you a negative review for your story. Quite honestly, your spelling, formatting and lack of punctuation make it almost impossible to read.
Its one thing to have a couple of errors throughout your work but virtually every line of this story is fraught with errors. Please correct this and use proper spelling, capitalization, punctuation and formatting for the sake of your readers. If you need help with this, I'd be glad to either send you links to some guides or help you find a beta reader.
Author's Response: hey, this was my frist story and i'm only 13 but i will try harder next time. pippinrocks
What a fantastic story! You write with such natural talent and grace and I think the plot of this piece is unique and beautiful. I must say, I'm proud to have it on my site.
Author's Response: Why, thank you! I\"m very pleased you enjoyed it so much, and also pleased to be on the site! I hope you read the rest of my tales as I post them. G.A.