Well, Raleon considers himself quite the ladies' man, does he? Somehow I don't think Naru is just going to give in to him. lol.
Author's Response: Do you, now? Well. So do I. :D
I am extremely confused. The scene with Dami and Aragorn mentioned a Lord Faulk, though he never said a word in the scene. Some of the dialogue also made no sense at all. And what exactly is the cliffhanger in this chapter? I don't understand.
Author's Response: I\'ll try to fix this, Thanx for your opinion!
A very intriguing beginning, and I shall continue. You draw the reader's attention in and keep it successfully.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
naru is really interesting, I like her.
Author's Response: *grins* I tried.
I enjoy this fic a lot, your details have a good way of entertaining the reader, but something that would add even more to it would be spelling. There were 64 typos in this chapter alone, and none of them were particularly complicated words.
Author's Response: Sorry. *cringes* i have no word on this computer and haven\'t got internet on mine. I will go try to fix them.
This was good, a delicious conflict ending to the chapter. However, this one sentence makes no sense: "Naru, in quite a good mood, if she did say so herself, but all that abruptly fled when she saw what sat beside The King." You should say "Naru was in quite a good mood, if she did say so herself, but all that abruptly fled when she saw what sat beside The King."
Author's Response: Thanx!
Raleon is a real dumb guy, :P. I think Naru should just punch him. And a more proper word would be "womanizing" rather than "vandalizing".
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ve fixed alto of things in this so far!
This does not make sense: "Her grandmother was staringn at a man who had to be at least ten years older, with a stately air about and a polished teak cane in hand as he walked proudly through the courtyard. "I have to go, Damun.I think I have to sleep."
All the respnes Naru got was a distracted, "Of course, dear," before she left her grandmother to her staring."
Is Naru saying "I have to go, Damun"? or is the grandmother? Because it doesn't really make sense for her to say she has to go to sleep when she then walks out into the garden. Also, she would not say Valar. Because she opposes (or opposed) Gondor, that means she was essentially opposing the Elendili, the Faithful Ones, who followed the Valar. Those who opposed the Elendili did so because Sauron poisoned their thoughts into thinking the Valar were holding them captive in Numenor. So...yeah, she would not use Valar that way.
Author's Response: I am currently trying to find something that she would swear by, but for now it\'s just fate that she could blame.
I thought everyone except Naru, her grandmother, and a little boy died. How did Loel survive? Other than that, it was good.
Author's Response: All members of the immediate royal family died, and the extended family that was present at the castle.
Gah, why doesn't she just tell Aragorn about Raleon?
Author's Response: I believe it\'s a matter of pride.
Hmm...you might want to make the setting of this new scene a bit more specific. It really isn't good to jump in in the middle of a conversation, as I have no clue what is going on. Hope you update soon :)
Author's Response: okaay *runs off to do that*
I liked this chapter a lot, my favorite thing (the thing that was most powerful in terms of character emotion) was talking about how the hunters reminded Aragorn of the old Strider. I always thought he'd miss his life to some degree, and it gives him something to hold on to.
Also, sorry if I was somewhat harsh and snappish in the other reviews, I was just in a really pissed mood that day and...yeah. lol. ;)
Author's Response: it was no problem, really, it made me go back over every thing and change and fix a lot of things. I wanted to make Aragorn more a part of this story and hopefully i can do that. Thanx for the reviews!
Really nice =D
I like =)
hehehe I like it when people aren't rabid leggy fans, lol. good job so far.
I like how you write first person, it's not like you're swimming around in the character's inner thoughts all the time, so it's good. not like when I try to write first person, lol.
haha, my family is pretty embarrassing too...can't wait for you to continue!
you updated, yay =) I liked it, as usual.
nice again =) you are the fastest updater I have ever seen.
Author's Response: I\'ve been updating fast because it\'s the Easter holidays. Believe me when they end, the updates will come a lot slower lol. Trying to write as much as I can before I go back!
hehe that would be one funny video to watch.
Author's Response: lol yeah! There probably is a video like that out there somewhere!