Brava! I love it! Very well written, and although Eomer isn't quite my favorite character I couldn't help but like this story a lot. I also liked how you didn't use names at all and yet we still get to know the two of them very well. I look forward to your future installments.
Some points of improvement: I'd personally italicize the elvish, put space between paragraphs (already mentioned), check capitalization, and if you don't already I find reading through mine out loud seems to work really well. Go ahead and try that.
But great work so far! I can't wait to see more.
Author's Response: hey, good pointers, but i was wondering if you could tell me how to italisize? you can email me. thanx!
Eh? There's a big huge space at the end of the chapter.. .it might just be a software bug. Anyway, I like it, although I feel you could go without the parentheses. It makes it more fun if we only half-know what the vampire's thinking. And I sent you an email telling you how to use HTML coding for italics.
Author's Response: thanx! yeah, that must have been a little (or big) typo
Oh snap! I love reading these stories, they're really amusing. And they're really realistic. Keep it up!
ROFL! It was utterly hilarious!
I had to read it in an English accent for full effect.
Author's Response: Thankee! *giggle* I had just been watching Monty Python before writing it so...:) Thankee for the review! :)