Hmm. All right, where do I begin... First of all, the prospect of Legolas having siblings is an interesting one. Granted, most of the LOTR elves who have siblings make it abundantly clear very early on, but there's always the possibility that this is because their brothers and sisters are present. Since Legolas came to Rivendell alone as a diplomatic representative from Thranduil, I guess there's room for brothers. I don't believe I've seen anyone else attempt that in fanfiction before, so that's a nice fresh angle. The names, though, could use a bit of touching up. Haldof sounds like something I could easily see in LOTR- but in *Rohan*. It really sounds much more like something that the Rohirrim would name a kid- it's got too much of an old English feel to be really Elven. Tarnil isn't half bad, but Galamed... er. You might want to change that. It sounds like something you should be asking your doctor about, I"m afraid. The place-names have a bit too much of an Earthly ring, too. 'Veridis' and 'Crassus' are rather closer to Latin vocabulary words than I think you really wanted- Tolkien was a linguist, yes, but he didn't generally come down *that* close to real-world languages in his place names. It's a little distracting. Overall I think there's some nice potential here, but you might want to rework those names, like I said. You may also want to be a little less obvious about Haldof's temperament. If he's hasty and impetuous and hot-tempered, show it in his actions and words. Don't come out and say it in the narration- when you said 'Haldof grew hot. He did not like being second judged.', it seemed like you were restating the obvious. Trust your characters; if you give them the right dialogue and right reactions, people will understand what you're trying to say without having to be told.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone bother with fanfic that goes this deeply into the period between The Hobbit and LOTR before. I have to say, I'm absolutely fascinated- both by the main character and by the wealth of detail you put in. This is a lovely, leisurely piece of work, and I can't wait to see how your heroine fares next.