It is true that some do not seem to apprechiate OC's but that is a personal choice. Personally I like OC's, I write using an OFC and I do not really care if a character is OC or canon as even a canon character can be written of in a very very poorly, well written, abseloutely any character can be intresting. I really like your style of your writing as I have read some of your other work and I feel you have a nice flow on the words and a mature voice when it comes to your writing and it lends a very nice sense of authenticity to your work. No, It was certainly not a "Goodness me!" kind of moment, lol, just one of those times that just cries for a solid curse I would think. I am intrigued about this challenge, does each 'Prompt' have to be covered in one ongoing story or can each prompt be a story into itself, I think it is quite good you are going to write an entire story around it as that is quite a challenge but I am curious and I don't quite understand.
Author's Response: The challenge summary doesn't actually say whether it should be one story or lots of disconnected ones, so I just assumed it didn't matter; this is just the approach that appealed to me. You're absolutely right to say it's quite a challenge, though, I'm a little worried about some of the prompts! They don't have to be taken in order either; Chaotic Demon says to just have fun, and I'm taking her at her word. Thanks for all your lovely comments about my work - nice to know it's appreciated!
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I really like this story and I think the idea of using the prompt's to create a story around is abseloutely brilliant as every chapter you add a little more and I think the depth that you give to your character's is just wonderful and reminds me why I love reading about OC's so much, well, well written ones at least which it is definately established yours are. Poor little Haddan, I understand his disappointment well as it took me years to get over the fact that I had a younger brother and not the younger sister I had wanted and that he was it, no more siblings but the last little part was very sweet and worked with the prompt very nicely,
Author's Response: Thank you Anywyn! It's funny you should say that, actually; this chapter was partly inspired by mine and my older brother's attitudes to our new baby sister when we were 5 and 6 respectively. We used to be constantly asking our parents "When will the baby go home?" and didn't quite realise that it wasn't that simple! Glad you enjoyed it, anyway; thanks for the review.
Another beatifullly written and touching chapter. It is always such a treat to see this story updated as I have seriously grown so attached to each of your OC's as they are so wonderfully unique and I am throughly looking forward to being able to follow the story as they grow older and how the dynamics will change between them but for now they are really incredibly dear.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you Anwyn! I'm glad you like the characters; this story never seems to get as many hits as Trapped when I update, and I do wonder if it's to do with it being centred almost entirely around OCs (although having said that, Trapped is very OC-heavy too :s ). Anyway, yes the dynamics of the group will change as they get older; these guys are going to go through a heck of a lot before very long! I feel bad, I love them as kids, they're so innocent - with the exception of Leofwyne, who has already has some awful experiences. Ah well, no story without conflict ;-) thank you very much for your review.
What a fascinating yet heartbreaking chapter, well done! The exchange between the woman was perfectly terse and very natural, I could definately sense Aedre's fear and I felt very conflincted about her character in that I feel pity for her yet also I cannot believe she would abadon her son and yes I understand she is afraid but at the same time she is drowning and even when she is offered a hand out she would not take it. Ah, curse that fierce Rohirrim pride!
Very much looking forward to more of this story!
Author's Response: "Curse that fierce Rohirrim pride"...well, there's plenty more of it to come! Glad you still like it; apologies for the long hiatus, I'll try and keep up the momentum from now on :) thanks for taking the time to read and review!
Oooh, you are a morning person eh? I am your oppsite then, I love writing late at night, which I suppose could also be considered early morning depending how you see things, lol. My muse has never dragged me out of bed to write, though in fairness she has never tried, I guess she knows that even while she is very strong willed and persistant I can be far more stubborn!
I wasn't aware there was a longest running story list actually, you really do learn something new everyday! How does one find it?
I feel your pain about forking out the extra cash to buy the LOTR movies and then they dropped...drastically. When the extended editions came out on DVD I rushed out to buy them and spent about $50 candian each with taxes and now I grate my teeth when I am at HMV and see them for $19.99, It does not matter, I couldn't have waited this long to get my hands on them anyways.
This was an amusing piece, thank you for sharing it with us.
Author's Response: I'm not really inclined to get up at those early hours. It's part of the price (?) I pay for being retired and not getting up to an alarm clock each morning. I usually get up when I wake up. Sometimes it's during the wee hours. Sometimes it's well after sunup. I tend to go to bed at varied hours too, so that's a factor. It's impossible for me to lie abed once I wake up. My mind starts to work immediately. On the morning in question, Arwen started bugging me to work on my stories.
You can find the longest running stories by clicking on "Top Tens".
The fact that the LotR videos dropped in price worked to my advantage. I bought three sets for friends of mine when Astro Video closed their warehouse. I bought two sets new for about $15 each and one set used but in "like new" condition for $6. Last year I noticed that Target was selling the theatrical releases on DVD for $6 each.
Thanks for your review and comments.
I like this story as I understand Arwen's grumpiness all to well as Winter certainly does not bring out to the best in me, I am definately more of a spring/summer/autumn kind of gal, I look forward to reading the next chapter! :)
Author's Response: I hate the short days of winter too. December, January and the first half of February are the worst for me. It seemed to me that since Arwen had spent most of her long life where the weather was idyllic (Rivendell and Lothlorien) she would be most unaccustomed to Gondorian winters. By mid-February, she would surely be most impatient for spring's arrival. What a disappointment it would seem to her, I reasoned, if the weather got especially foul a month before the Vernal Equinox.
Thanks for reviewing. The concluding chapter will appear soon.
This was an abseloutely delightful story! It was beatifully written and I think you really managed to capture Erestor and his interaction with Gwirith quite well. An excellent read! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words, Anwyn! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and 'beautifully written' was an especially nice compliment to give an ESL-writer. :-) Originally, it was intended to stay very light-hearted, but Gwirith brought out new sides of Erestor, which added some nuances to the story. Good to hear you appreciated them, too.
This is extremely well worded and abseloutely thought provoking. This seems to be a round robin and I am throughly tempted to add onto this but for now I will say this. I am, for lack of a better term, a closet Fanfic writer. I may tell my friends that I write, and yes, that I write fanfic but if they ask to see something I have written I am a master at changing the subject quickly so that they forget about it. I can't say why I am like this, I only know that I am. One case that occured a few weeks ago is when someone I had met online through a dating site had goggled my hotmail account which had lead him to my account on here and my intial reaction was shock and then dread as I really didn't want this guy I was going on a date with reading anything I had written. I realize it is strange to be so secretative yet turn around and post my work on a site where it is readily accessible to abseloutely anyone who wants to read it.
Now as far as being a 'Geek' I have, as well as many of my friends, we have always called ourselves geeks quite proudly. We go to Cons, we go to Cons dressed up as our favorite characters and do not feel ashamed of such things. We are not strange people who have no life outside of our fandom, I am a Nurse and my good friend who always accompanies to these cons, in costume also no less, is a Teacher. We are both educated professionals who busy careers who do take the time to indulge our intrests in books and whatnot when the time allows. We are not the sterotypical forty-something living in our parents basement with no job playing World of Warcraft and posting on message boards all day long.
I have always be encouraged to write, when I was in shcool it was one of the few things I felt I was good at doing and so I have always enjoyed creatively writing. While I never pursued a career in writing it is still something I do for my own enjoyment though when I see as you mentioned Paolini or even worse, Stephanie Meyers, who are people who have found unbridled success with their published works for reasons that are utterly beyond my understanding, I must shake my head at such books. In fairness I have tried to read both series but could not, as in my opinion neither would pass for even half descent fanfiction.
My first bit of writing, I do freely admit that I was handling a mary sue, pure and simple. Though as you quoted xFanarix as saying that Mary Sues are just a phase as I did reach a point where I wanted to become better and while I kept some of the concept of the original female character I had created I changed her until I was happy I had widdled out the sueness which happens to many new writers.
Tolkien did create a world big enough for other stories aside from his own to also excist though unfortunately sometimes we do have stories of a girl falling into Middle Earth to meet Legolas and marry him but those have become a dime or dozen and feels like too many people to push themselves through a door at the same time. Middle Earth is a beatiful and intresting place, I can't help but feel that a writer is seriously cutting themself short when they want to focous on being the best, and being the prettiest....and falling in love with Legolas.
Once more, this essay is abseloutely masterfully written and I don't think it is possible for me to agree with it more but you have certainly given me a couple of things to muse over.
Author's Response: Wow, that's one heck of a review! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, and for adding to the round robin. I've also always loved writing, and like you said in your essay, I find it hard to share it with people - the way I see it, when you write, you're putting the most secret, hidden parts of yourself down on paper or a monitor, and if somebody says they don't like it then it somehow feels like a personal insult. And as for the whole "geek" thing...I've had a horror of the word ever since I was picked on in Primary school for supposedly being one. When the term's applied to me now, I really try to take it as a compliment, but I struggle to do so. However much people tell me those taunting me were just jealous, I can't help but feel it's a derogatory remark, and I feel like an embarassed little kid all over again. Ah well. Maybe one day I'll start to wear my identity as "geek" as proudly as I'm starting to wear that of "writer." Thank you once again for taking the time to reply; it's always a pleasure to read your reviews!
Goodness, what an abseloutely fascinating point you have made!
Honestly, I am really in the impressed with the way you drove the argument home, bravo!
Also, your English Teacher sounds amazing and I think everyone has at least one teacher that left such an amazing affect on their students though mine was a Biologhy teacher, she still inspired me a great deal though :)
Author's Response: Oh she was amazing alright...I was lucky to have a few teachers that made that impression on me :-) thanks for the review!
I see this animal transformation challenge is becoming quite a popular one and I would like to offer some advice for your story if I may. First of all you have choosen to write your story in the first person perspective and that is a very tricky thing to do even for very experienced characters. Personally I always find first person stories trickier to read than one based in the third person perspective but that is my personal preference. Just a few small things, In the first paragraph you have listed the price of the college in the numerical sense ($18,000) instead of writing out 'Eighteen thousand dollars' That kind of cuts up the sentance becuase sometimes when you are writing you have to also pretend you are saying out loud so preferably you would write the value as putting the amount in numbers is kind of like stopping and say dollar sign one eight zero zero...Just a small thing really but it does make a difference in how the story flows. There are also a few grammatical mistakes such as
Yes she'll a very good sled dog.
I presume you meant to say 'Yes, she'll make a very good sled dog someday' Something along those lines. I do not want to press the beta reader aspect as I do not have a beta myself which is someone who checks over your story for any errors but before you add another chapter read through what you have written a couple of times which is what I always do, though that is not to say I catch all of my mistakes but I do usually get the bigger ones out of the way.
You have an intriguing first chapter which certainly does draw in the reader but I would recommend finding someone who can be a second set of eyes to look over the next few parts of your story as I do think it has potential but there are some spelling and grammatical errors which do disrupt the flow of reading it at times.
I am looking forward to seeing more of this story as I am intrigued by it :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for you review! It helps me a lot! I honestly didn't think I'd get a review so quickly. And I am pretty new at this, thank you again!!
I have find the animal transformations challenge extremely intriguing and I really love the way you have run with the idea as this is so beatifully written that I am very glad you are continuing on with it. The way you wrote of the foal's birth was so magical and I am really looking forward to seeing where you take this story as it is beatifully written.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you, Anwyn! I did get slightly worried about the foal's birth, since I'm not a "horsey" person myself, so I had to do my research, and I'm glad you think I've got it right. I'll try and update soon, but as you know I have several stories on the go at once! Thank you for your lovely review.
This chapter was gut wrenching in its honesty. What really leapt out at me was the description of the plump girl with the dark hair crying at one moment when it was right to do so and then playing silly games with her guy the next.
I have seen this many times before where someone cries and cries when it is 'right' to do so and then the next moment they are fine again and I can't help but feel they are doing it for show though grief also hits people at different times and it is the smaller things that leap at you and make you want to break down.
Another wonderful chapter, I must say I am looking foward to returning to Middle Earth in this story again but it is just as important for the reader to see how Anna is holding up.
Author's Response: When I had the original idea, this was going to be completely set in Middle-earth bar the opening two chapters, but I got attached to Anna as a character and didn't just want to leave her hanging there in her grief! It was only supposed to be short, as well - three or four chapters maximum! So much for that... :-) thank you so much for reviewing, we will be back to Middle-earth in the next chapter!
You will proably get tired of me saying this pretty much every review but I would not say it if I did not mean it but I freaking LOVE this story. Just when I think it could not pssibly get any more intriguing you somehow managed to kick it up another notch!
Though something leapt out at me, only a small thing but you mentioned that Brego was a gelding. It never really occured to me wether or not the Rohirrim would geld their horses but it certainly made sense that they would as it does change a horses temperment and makes them more docile and easier to work with...except for Brego of course ;)
Beomia is growing into quite an intresting character and I like how you are using Brego as a character of sorts as for a Horse he really does have abit of a rough story even if that is all the work of movie verse I liked him as he was portrayed be a georgeous stallion who does high level dressage and I believe Viggo Mortensen ended up buying him after filming was done. There, abit of useless trivia for you, LOL.
Beomia/Anna got off rather lightly with just a bruise, a kick that hard could have resulted in a crushed clavicle though that is perfectly intriguing!
As always, looking forward to more! :)
Author's Response: Hi Anwyn! Thank you so much :-) as I'm sure you know, no writer ever gets tired of hearing their work is appreciated - I write it for my own enjoyment, but if others like it too then that's just the icing on the cake! The reason I made Brego a gelding was because of an article I read somewhere on the internet not too long ago. It complained about how the heroes of fantasy stories always seemed to go charging around on their noble stallions, when in reality (according to the article) any sensible hero would geld their horses as it makes them more temperamentally reliable. I'm not a horsey person so I've been trying to read around about them, and I took the author of the article at their word - I don't think Theodred would have taken any unnecessary risks with his horse. The reason Brego is so wild now isn't because he's a gelding or stallion, it's because of how traumatised he was by the war. And as for the bruise thing...I think I can safely leave Anna with a bruise since she's almost getting the "echoes" of what happens to Beomia, but do you think I need to injure Beomia a bit more severely!? Thanks for reviewing, as ever :-)
That was abseloutely beatifully written, I am awe of how you were able to write so much but with so few words.
Author's Response: Anwyn, thank you for your comments. This piece was originally written for an early version of Chapter 12 of "Journey of Sorrow." After several rewrites, the section no longer seemed to fit, so instead of losing what I had written, I decided to convert it into a drabble. Thanks for reading. :)
Fanari has already given some truly excellent suggestions for this story but I thought I would chime in and give some of my own.
Now, looking at your first two chapters they are of considerable length and that to me says that you haev a dedication to this story and are eager to tell it, I must say I really like seeing that however there are some aspects to your main character which I am afraid make her a Mary Sue. Truly I hate saying that unless it is your intention for your character to be one but I understand as I also have an OFC it is a perilous path to walk sometimes to not fall into sue-ness.
Your main character Mira is very modern in her behavior as one thing writing a female in middle earth, a mortal one I should say is that they would have behaved very differently and be held to very different standards. Your character Mira would proably not stand to inherit her Fathers land it would go to a male heir and providing there was not one in the picture a close male relation.
Also twenty five would be considered quite past the age a woman should be married in that age as woman would have been considered grown much younger, again, I am addressing mortals only as in the Elven culture matters would have been very different regarding ages and wedding tradidtions. Now a woman would want to be married and her father would only find a suitor befitting of her station wether she be a Noblewoman or Princess, Marriages were NOT made for love but for political reasons and to unite families. It did not mean a couple could not be happy together but they often did not choice each other.
Mira's attitude toward her father would not be considered very becoming of a Noblewoman such as storming out and slamming the door in his face etc, as this comes off as more the behaviors of a spoiled modern day teenager than a noblewoman in her middle twenties.
I do not give them a chance because I want something that their stares wont give me their all lust full pigs I want true love..."
Again her behavior here speaking about truly love strikes me as quite out of place as women would have wanted Husbands who were wealthy and influential and would not have worried so much about 'True Love' in fact that phrase alone seems too modern.
It is diffficult writing a female character in Middle Earth, espically a modern one at that and trust me I understand as I have spent years working at and I am still learning and developing the character. It seem's like you are really pushing to make your character different by having her be free spirited and rather mouthy and rebellious and that she does archery and fights with swords but 99% of the Fic I read with an Original Female Character (OFC) as the lead have a character very similar and you need to really work at making a character who feels like they belong in Middle Earth and then fan out from there.
Women wouldn't have been permitted to ride out alone at will as even in the fourth age Gondor could not be considered completely safe especially for Noblewomen who could be kidnapped and held for randsom and countless other thing but not only do you have your character riding out into the forest alone you have her sneaking off to do archery and carrying a weapon when Women in Middle Earth except perhaps for those of Rohan who were taught to fight ONLY as a very last defense if the men were not around to help them but otherwise it would not be something Noble Women would have a hand in.
Gimli son of Gloin, an annoying friend of Legolas's but no matter what species the dwarf may be
I am not sure why but Dwarfs, Gimli specifically, always get the short stick in Fanfic and for no reason you have referred to Gimli as rather rudely, Why? I ask becuase no where in the books does it refer to the Dwarves as the Jesters, well, again, only Gimli, they became in the movie. Now I am not a huge fan of Dwarves but I feel they deserve respect all the same and I stumbled over that line.
She was young, the age of 25 and wanted by nearly every un married man in the city.
Again, twenty five would not be considered young depending on the expected life span, I am not sure what that was for women in Gondor but it was said that Rohirrim often lived well into their eighties so I imagine Gondor would be on par if not slightly higher than that.
It is another warning sign of a sue when the character is lusted after by everyone and you make several references to her being lusted after by every male she meets. It is also intresting as you mentioned it was only unmarried men that wanted her, married men are still able to feel lust and there were in more of a posistion where they could have an affair and not have anything said of it.
People flatter her by saying she had the beauty of a female elf, but she would always deny it, she wasn't vain at the slightest, and felt awkward when people complemented her beauty because she was more bothered about peoples personality then looks,most of the time anyway.She had a slim figure and fit physique. Her breasts were at a guess a good hand ful maybe more so. In height she was around, 5"6.
Couple things there, firstly as Fanari has already pointed out you would not confuse a female mortal for an Elleth, period. There is simply no comparing the two, that is like comparing an apple to a pineapple and by 'people' that is very broad and I don't think many mortals would have seen an Elf by this time in the fourth age and so I strongly doubt they woud have anything to compare Mira too.
Well I generally enjoy a description of a character so that I can built a mental image in my mind giving her built as atheletic/slim/chubby seems unneeded in a story such as giving her height as 5'6, That kind of a detail would be better suited for a character sheet as it disrupts the flow of the story and a woman in Middle Earth would not know her height in feet in inches though I am sure there were different units of measurement it is not an important detail and could easily be scrapped and the very same goes for describing your characters breast sized, It is utterly unneeded as really the reader does not want to know that and it is completely ackward really.
Those are just some suggestions regarding your character and I hope you find them useful and also you do have quite a few grammar errors that I noticed without looking too hard for them as they are quite obivious so if you have a word processor you may want to run your story though there before posting (Mine points out grammatical errors for me as well as spelling errors) You would benefit from a Beta reader who is a person who reads the story and picks out any mistakes in Grammar and the like.
Hope this has helped you, All the best.
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice, I know I am not the best at this, and maybe should of thought this through, I guess I should change my character a bit, but I think I might have to take a break and study this a lot more before I edit it completly. I wanted and age when she at leasts looks the same age as Legolas and maybe I might change the whole story. This is my first one I have put a lot of dedication to so I will keep your advice in mind for when I come back to this.Thanks Anarne.
This is beatifully written but also sad as I am certain that nearly all females reading this can relate to knowing a man, and adoring him but knowing it could not be more than a thought.
But never would they challenge you, for you are a formidable lord, whose sharp wit and caustic tongue are unmatched even in the face of their arrogance.
That is abseloutely excellent, I have always envisoned Maitimo to be a deep thinker yet at the same time not one to back away from a challenge.
It was really intresting to read this from the perspective of an unknown character, one who would have quietly watched and while it is a short piece it also has a great deal of depth and emotion, an abseloutely wonderful piece.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! *sighs* so true. Maitimo always seemed like an unobtainable sort of elf. The eldest son of Feanor and brother of six of those nightmarish elves. I think he had to be formidable or they would have walked all over him. I can't imagine what dinner must have been like in that household. :O Thank you so much :D I'm really flattered you liked it. Maitimo is a joy to write.
Firstly, I must say how much I throughly enjoyed reading this.
Secondly, my childhood feels oddly empty as I was not introduced to Lord of the Rings until I was well into my teens. I know, it makes me hang my head in shame. Though looking back Lord of the Rings in its little way has always been in my life. For example when I used to ride the stables frequently tested new possible school horses and there was a pair that came called Frodo and Pippin and I thought 'What adorable names' Or there was a beatiful old horse named Baggins, Show name was Bilbo Baggins of course and Baggins was the abseloute favorite of my Grandfather who would sometimes come to watch me ride. Baggins was a very strange looking horse, handsome, but strange, he was an American Paint Horse and he was solid white with dark streaks in his tail and his only marking was a black spot that was over the one side of his head and he had blue eyes, I had to mention the blue eyes becuase of your 'Trapped' story of course! ;)
Thank you so much for sharing this, It was a truly excellent and heartwarming read.
Though one final thought
“Hard lines,” Grandma told us (a Yorkshire-ism, if anybody’s confused).
My grandfather used that expression in front of me all the time when I was younger and he was the only one I had ever heard use it and now I sometimes use it myself though I must say I never knew where it came from, I do now!
Author's Response: Yay, someone else who's heard "hard lines!" When I'm up at uni, nobody understands what I mean by it, along with one or two other phrases. I'm really glad you enjoyed the essay - I had a lovely time writing about it :-)
Hey there Karlmir, that last essay was mine but I did forget to put my name anywhere on it as I finished it at quite late as I was determined to finish it but didn't sign it anywhere XD
My goodness, I am abseloutely in awe at the moment as you have taken such a small nearly throw away scene in which I always felt was thrown in as a brief rather comedic moment to break up the rest of the movie and turned into something poignant and thought provoking about the character of Smeagol, who is always overlooked.
Your description of killing the rabbit, and please excuse the pun, was bloody good.
hear the gentle but distinct crack of delicate white bones
I could hear bones breaking as I read that, really quite chilling but a fantastic bit of writing.
Lastly, You have given me a mad craving for fried fish and chips!
Author's Response: Hi Anwyn! Thank you so much for the review :-) I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, I was hungry for fish and chips after this; luckily my flatmates left some for the rest of us to nibble on!
A couple of things...
Firstly, I see you are new to our nice little (alright, not really!) site so welcome.
Secondly, a few things in the very first paragraph really jumped out at me.
Firstly, that is a very negative and honestly horrible attitude which I can assure you will not fly here. Flaming is not permitted on this site and while I can understand you may be trying to be funny not everyone is going to look at that and find it funny, I certainly do not.
Also, everyone is entitled to their own opinion of a character and I will warn you now that this site does have slash stories which is a relationship involving two males, which at times may have one of those males as Legolas and while you absolutely do not have to read those stories of course and they will be marked, having that kind of attitude may offend people and this is a friendly place and that kind of negativity towards the opinions of others is not welcomed.
Now on to the story which I cannot say alot about because I look at it and all I see is a wall of text which makes it near impossible to read and therefore critique.
See? You can probably read it but it is difficult.
The way I have learned to do dialogue, and you do have quite abit of dialogue going on here is to give a space between each and I will take some lines from your story as an example.
“Do not bother, I shall get you new equipment. Now pack your clothes.”
“All I have is what I’m wearing.”
“I’ll get you new clothes then, just come on.”
Areli and Legolas ran back to his father. “Father, I must do some buying at the palace shop.”
“Alright, get on with it.”
When you have your dialogue so close together it is impossible to tell who is saying what.
Also, having mention of a 'Palace Shop' is really quite confusing as such thing would have never excisted as Elves I imagine would have a batering system but not a 'Shop' as that is really far too modern and sticks out terribly.
Hope this helps you.