Reviews by Narya
Summary:

2009 MEFA Third Place Winner in the Adventure Category. 

Brandon wakes up in the middle of a forest in another world. Is it a dream? Or is he stuck in an unfamiliar place where his life might no longer matter? Please read and review!


Categories: Book-verse Characters: Arwen, Balrog, Bill the Pony, Celeborn, Galadriel, Orcs/Uruk-Hai, Original Character, Sauron, The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, General, Humor
Warnings: Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 50612 Read Count: 34806
Published: Jan 24 2009 Updated: Jul 08 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 22: The Voice Reviewer: Narya Signed
Ohh, so Brandon's beginning to feel the pull of the Ring...a lovely bit of writing there :-)

It was with a smile on his lips and a full stomach that Brandon fell asleep, leaning against the mighty trunk of a tree he'd never seen. His dreams that night were ones of magic and bliss, of golden stars in the pale clouds, of flying, and singing himself into the Nimrodel and down to the sea.

He could not have known that the darkness was stirring as he slept.


I love the contrast between those two paragraphs! Well done.

I'll send you an email about this and Moria soon.

Author's Response: Thank you! I like this chapter best out of the ones I've written so far! I can't wait for your email!
Date: May 12 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Not in Kansas Anymore... Reviewer: Narya Signed
Best chapter yet, I think; my heart's still pounding! Detailed feedback coming up very soon via email.

Author's Response: Okay, thanks!
Date: Apr 14 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Not in Kansas Anymore... Reviewer: Narya Signed
Another lovely chapter - like Dune, I was really moved by the descriptions of the Fellowship'd grief, and I think you ended on the perfect note, hopeful but not too chirpy. This is turning into a truly engrossing story; keep it up!

PS Sorry I haven't emailed about this one yet; I'll send you longer message in a day or so, but at the moment I'm in the middle of writing a history essay - oh, joy... :p take care and speak soon.

Author's Response:

Thanks! This chapter was so tough to write. I was so concentrated on Moria that I didn't really plan what I was going to do next! I was worried about sounding chirpy, your review has brought me a lot of relief.

Good luck with your history essay, I'm sure you'll do well!

I'll have some new chapters up soon. The swine flu has hit my town, and school has been cancelled until next week. 

Date: Apr 30 2009
Title: Chapter 23: Into the Eaves of Gold Reviewer: Narya Signed
Excellent again! For a second I thought you were going to deviate from the books and have the Orcs find them when Brandon kicked that twig - my heart was in my mouth :-) keep going!

Author's Response:

I did almost deviate from the books by having Brandon fall into the Celebrant. However, Moriah listened to my plot ideas and told me to give poor Brandon a break. So I did. I had it all written out but my internet crashed, and Moriah dissuaded me from re-writing it. I'm glad this version was good though! Thanks for the review!

*Mini Plot Spoiler* I may deviate from the books a litte further into the story

 

Date: May 14 2009
Title: Chapter 30: To the Other Shore Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, gosh...the tension builds like a thunderstorm in this chapter!! The next one's going to be an A-grade heartbreaker, isn't it? Poor Brandon :-( the internal monologue you give him is really moving and extremely realistic.

Something that jumped out at me was Brandon noticing that the stars and moon are the same as back home. I thought this was a lovely touch - an example of the details you weave into this story that set it so far above the majority of Tenth Walkers.

Author's Response:

I posted Ch. thirty-one not too long ago...it just might be an A-grade heartbreaker, I think whether it is or not will ulitimately be up to you :-). I'm glad you liked the monologue, I was afraid it was too over-the-top!

Ah, so you liked that little detail! Yay! Thanks for the review!

Date: Jul 07 2009
Summary: Another LotR-Civil War, Crossover! Sergeant Henry and his three best cavalrymen: Josh, Tom, and Mac are sent to Middle Earth not only to protect the realm of Arnor, but all of Middle Earth! If you are Members, please review, I want to know what you think! Chapter 6 is up!
Categories: Book-verse, Movie-verse Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 11959 Read Count: 5930
Published: Jan 28 2009 Updated: Feb 21 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Ambush Reviewer: Narya Signed
Good start! You built up the tension really well when they were near the enemy, and their camaraderie when they realised what had happened was poignantly written. One thing - I think you meant "murmur" not "mummer" when Gandalf's casting his spell, and (sorry) I find it a bit too convenient that he can suddenly bestow all the skills they need upon them; I think it'd be more interesting to watch them learn tracking, archery etc. without supernatural interference. But maybe that's just me.

Other than that, nice work - your writing gets better all the time.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I am glad you liked it, please keep reading! Dune
Date: Feb 22 2009
The Ottyssey by Kitt Otter Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 57]
Summary: After a freak accident involving a tongue and a voltmeter, I find myself facedown in Arda dirt in the body of a water-weasel. With nothing better to do, I take on the burden of making the Fellowship’s lives miserable.
Categories: Book-verse Characters: Aragorn, Bill the Pony, Boromir, Frodo, Galdor, Gandalf / Olorin, Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Sauron, Ulmo
Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: None
Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 33766 Read Count: 16572
Published: Jan 28 2009 Updated: Nov 16 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 4: Make It So Reviewer: Narya Signed
LMAO!!

My dazed grin vanished. “Inconceivable!”

A Princess Bride reference? Or sheer coincidence?

“I’m sorry Strider, but they were just a pack of birds…”

Oh, if only he knew...

For a moment I thought this was turning into a Star Trek crossover, which would have been interesting...and poor Bill! Hope he gets back OK. Well done again, Kitt!

Author's Response: Bill'll be alright. It may not be obvious at first, but I wouldn't want anything to happen him. Oh, yes, Princess Bride! I love that movie. :D Not quite Star Trek crossover. I just sat down to write the chapter after watching some old episodes and... well, that's what came out. Thanks for the review, Narya!
Date: May 12 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Raise Hands: Who Else Has Days Like This? Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh cute! Nice work; I love otters, and Frodo's temper tantrum was funny :)

Author's Response: Yay! More otter lovers exist in the world! Glad you liked it. That will not be Frodo's first tantrum, I'm afraid... : D -Kitt
Date: Feb 05 2009
Title: Chapter 2: Important Stuff Happens Here Reviewer: Narya Signed
This is a cute story you have going..."Kleenex of Nienna"...lol! I love this challenge, it's produced some fab fics.
Date: May 09 2009
Title: Chapter 3: I Hate Camping Reviewer: Narya Signed
*Gasps* she bailed!? Hehe I like this story a lot, Kitt; Frodo's OOC-ness is funny, though his treatment of Sam did make me feel slightly sad. Another thing I enjoyed was your take on the Council of Elrond and glossing over most of what happened - I do get tired of reading the entire "strangers from distant lands, friends of old" scenario over and over. Having Odi's perspective added another comic dimension.

Is this the end, or is there more to come?

PS those elf cookies sound good, if there are any going spare... ;-)

Author's Response: Yeah, I still feel bad about Sam. But we ain't seen the last of him. (shh). The Council has been done from every concievable angle... yet one thing that does not get old about it is, uh, Legolas. (teehee) Thanks for your comments, Narya! They've made my morning. :) And yes, cookies!!! *tosses over five bulky sacks*
Date: May 09 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Raise Hands: Who Else Has Days Like This? Reviewer: Narya Signed
Another hilarious chapter..."locker room-reeking lake" and "Manwë’s Blowdryer!" made me laugh out loud. And Gandalf's pretty irresponsible, giving alcohol to an innocent little otter! ;-) Also loved Odi's reaction to Gollum, and oh my life, that last line..."I think I left it in Rivendell"...LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Nice work again, Kitt!

PS - about your email...nope, I did not do it on purpose, but I have read JE recently so I think it must have just lodged in my subconscious.

Author's Response: Gollum is freaky. But in an already creepy Moria he’s super-freaky. Yes, I think Gandalf may have thought twice with the alcohol… yet Odi’s not the MOST innocent otter. :D When trying to think of a nasty, oily stench, locker room was first. To make it more potent, I guess I could have tagged on MEN'S... Thanks!!!
Date: May 16 2009
Title: Chapter 8: Nobody Knows de Trouble I Seen Reviewer: Narya Signed
Woot, update! Funny as ever, Kitt; I love Odi's internal monologues, and the little plot tweaks you make :-) keep going, please!

Author's Response: The monologues are so much fun, though Odi hasn’t much of a choice but to talk to herself. I think it’s better that way – the plot would be skewed all the more if she could tell them what was on her mind. :D Thanks, Narya!
Date: Jul 02 2009
Daddy by meerkatalex Rated: G [Reviews - 3]
Summary: Everyone says that blood is thicker than water, but water's one of the strongest substances on earth.
Categories: Off Topic Characters: None
Genres: General, Other
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 81 Read Count: 1232
Published: Jan 31 2009 Updated: Jan 31 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Gorgeous. Just lovely.

One of my cousins is adopted, but we all see her as much a part of the family as any of the rest of us. She has no wish to get to know her "real" parents - guess blood isn't always thicker than water.

Thought-provoking and skilfully written; well done.
Date: Feb 20 2010
Summary: Mark, a 19 year old from our time, finds a strange website that brings him to Middle Earth. He wakes up in the body of a wolf pup and is found by Gimli, who takes him in. Little does he know he will go on the adventure of his new life. Chapter 7 is up! Please review!!
Categories: Book-verse, Movie-verse Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 9966 Read Count: 7108
Published: Feb 04 2009 Updated: Feb 20 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Council of Elrond Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh this is nice :) you've portrayed the relationship between Gimli and Mith very well; I guess you're a dog lover too? Anyway it's very touching. Mith reminds me of my Grandma's old dog, an Alaskan malamute called Kai...he was great, he used to leap on my bed first thing on a morning too...sorry, I'm digressing!

It's an intriguing idea - I might have go at this challenge at some point. It makes a change to have a four-legged tenth walker!

I'm off to check out your other fics...I like the civil war too, but I haven't had a lot of time to read recently, what with exams and all.

I hope to read more about Mith soon!

Author's Response: You will, believe me I will probably add the next chapter later tonight! Thanks for reading! Dune
Date: Feb 05 2009
Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Gates of Moria Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oooh can't wait to see Mith fighting the Watcher in the Water! Nice chapter; I like the relationship Mith is developing with Sam.

Author's Response: Thank you! You don't know how long I have been waiting for a review today, for this story and for Riders of Arnor! Sam was sad after loosing bill so of course Mith would try to comfort him and Sam would love him because, Sam loves animals. Thanks again for the review! Dune
Date: Feb 21 2009
Summary: Alex finds himself in Middle-Earth, but isn't exactly... Human?! Response to the challenge 'Animal Transformations' by Dunedain ranger of the North.
Categories: Movie-verse Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Fantasy, General, Humor
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), Violence
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 1322 Read Count: 3718
Published: Feb 05 2009 Updated: Feb 16 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Short, sweet and most intriguing...so far it reminds me a little bit of "Official Fanfiction University" by Camilla Sandman (if you haven't read it then I highly recommend it!), but if Alex has turned into some kind of animal then clearly this story is going in a different direction to that one.

Your structure is really good - the contrasting sentence lengths add impact - but I'd double check your spelling next time, there are a couple of typos here. For example, "resembalence" should be "resemblance." I'm not being deliberately picky...it's just that you can clearly write well, and I think it's a shame not to make the story as good as it possibly can be!

I'll keep my eye on this; I really like the idea, I might even have a shot at the challenge myself next time I get chance.

Happy writing.

PS - DROTN is right, Alex is a very cool name :D

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing - I've enjoyed writing this story so far, and no worries about pointing out the spelling mistake - I worry about grammar and spelling too much, but at the moment my wordpad is down so I'm having to type on notepad, which has no spellcheck. I have read Camilla Sandman's university story, and it's one of the best original stories I've read, ever. I hadn't got that in mind when I started writing this, I just wanted to rise to the challenge because it sounded so cool. Do have a shot at the challenge, as I've said, it's really good, and I hope that you enjoyed reading. Thank you for the review! meerkatalex
Date: Feb 05 2009
Summary: For anybody else who has ever felt that they need to hide their fanfic habit. Rated PG for one instance of bad language.
Categories: Off Topic Characters: None
Genres: Essay
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10094 Read Count: 15874
Published: Feb 08 2009 Updated: Oct 14 2010 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Sian's view (xFanarix) Reviewer: Narya Signed
Writing is creative. It's almost magical.

Too true. All these responses have made me feel very proud of writing - both fanfic and original fiction. It's a privilege to write. I'm feeling less guilty about it by the minute. Thank you very much for adding your point of view; I always like to hear what you think!
Date: Feb 09 2009
Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Narya Signed
I'm so glad you chipped into this! :D

With fanfic, gratification is instant: You “publish” your storie with the click of a mouse, and literally within hours, you will see the hit count on your story, and begin to see the reviews come in.

And you can experiment: drabbles, dribbles, poems, ficlets and vignettes and character studies; strange POVs; AUs; long and rambling WIPs which you can begin to publish long before you even know yourself where they are going! There’s no market for any of that in the conventional publication world.



I never really thought of it that way before, but it's true - it's great knowing that whatever you publish, it's almost certain to be read and reviewed. I especially sympathise with the "long and rambling WIPs" bit; my two main fics are both WIPs and I'm having a great time just letting them take off in the direction they want to go in, as well as getting unbiased and helpful feedback along the way.

Because there is never enough canon.

Because there are always alternate universes to explore.

Because there is always hurt that needs comforting.

Because there is always the chance to see your ‘ship come in.

Because we love the characters and the world and the story, and we never want it to end.



I love that. And it's so very, very true.

Thanks for adding your thoughts!
Date: Mar 10 2009
Summary: Braun, a Minotaur of Middle Earth, has been summoned to help choose the fate of the world. Will he follow the rest of his kind and fight for Sauron or will he fight for the side of good! Sort of a crossover with Narnia! Please review! Chapter 3 is up!
Categories: Movie-verse, Crossovers Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 4155 Read Count: 3582
Published: Feb 12 2009 Updated: Feb 15 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Prologue Reviewer: Narya Signed
Intriguing stuff, Dune - I like your idea. You've built up the suspense well in this opening, and you write really clearly. The only thing I'd suggest would be inserting a double line space between each paragraph; it'll make it easier on the eye.

Take care - Narya

Author's Response: Thanks for the tip, I will get right on that! Glad you read and liked this story! Dune
Date: Feb 12 2009
Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1: Attacked in the Dark Reviewer: Narya Signed
Nice job; your writing's improving all the time, and Braun engages the reader's sympathy successfully.

Nitpick: when Merry, Pippin and Sam follow Strider and Frodo up the stairs, I think you need a more dramatic word than "walk" to describe their entrance into the room. "Sprint," maybe, or "hurtle." You wouldn't just "walk" if your friend's life was in danger!

I like it though; I think this is an interesting and original idea. On to the next chapter!
Date: Feb 18 2009
Second Chance by Narya Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 145]
Summary: When fifteen-year-old Anna loses her sister in a freak horseriding accident, she has no way of knowing that Izzy has been given another chance to live and love. However, the afterlife works in mysterious ways; soon Anna is plagued by dreams that link her to a young woman from an age long, long forgotten, and to a blue-eyed foal that she has a nagging feeling she should recognise...

A response to Dunedain Ranger of the North's "Animal Transformations" challenge. Rated PG-13 for character death, emotional content and some mild language.
Categories: Book-verse, Movie-verse, Crossovers Characters: Original Character
Genres: Angst, Drama, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Warnings: Character Death
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: Second Chance
Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 64189 Read Count: 32014
Published: Feb 12 2009 Updated: Apr 16 2010 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 8: Dinner and a Discovery Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oooops - typo in my response to Spiced Wine's review. "Unwillingly" was supposed to read "willingly." Temporary brain meltdown :p anyway this was the only way to correct it without deleting the review - and I don't want to do that :-)
Date: Jun 29 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Prologue Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, typo in my response to Tinara's review - should read "made me realise." Sorry! :)
Date: Feb 01 2010
Summary: Orlando Bloom is going away to New Zealand to act as Legolas Greenleaf. There Legolas in the movie has a girlfriend and her name is Hannah Walker.
Categories: Actor Fics Characters: Original Character, Orlando Bloom
Genres: Angst, General, Humor, Other, Romance, Tragedy
Warnings: Character Death
Series: None
Chapters: 15 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 15016 Read Count: 10304
Published: Feb 19 2009 Updated: Mar 03 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
OK, I've noticed you've been posting this story for a while and haven't received any reviews, so I thought I'd leave you some feedback. Your OC, Hannah, is nicely written - she comes across as fun and likeable yet naïve, and you've captured her bond with Billy well (I'd like to see a bit of backstory with these two, some sort of explanation as to how they know each other so well). However, in giving her purple eyes and a tragic past, you're walking a very fine tightrope in terms of Mary-Suedom (if you're not familiar with what this means, follow this link: Some of it won't apply to your character, since you're writing an actor fic, but it should give you a fair idea of what a Mary-Sue is). Also, your grammar needs some work; you keep switching between tenses, and occasionally you use words that don't make sense in context, e.g. I think when you're describing how Orlando "symphonised" with Hannah, you really mean "sympathised." I'd advise you to look for a beta reader; there's a thread on the home page of this site you can check, and also it might be worth searching for one at fanfiction.net as that site has a wider reader base and therefore more registered betas.

I'm not being deliberately harsh; I think you've got potential, but there are issues you need to work on. I'd be interested to see how you develop as a writer.

Take care,
Narya

Author's Response: I have no intended of copyrighting any ter people work. Like Hannah with purple eyes and a tragic past. i have has this ida for a long time. i am writing it jst for fun and something to do. and i just felt like writing.
Date: Feb 21 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Sorry, the link I posted in my last review didn't work. Try copy pasting this into your browser: http://alswaiter.codedaemon.com/LOTR/lotrlt.htm

Author's Response: i am sorry this may seem very mary sue.. i like to write more or less all the detail and not just going to the main parts. really just want to write a classic scenario. i thank you dearlyfor your advice and i will tak it in. but i believe if people don't really wan to read just clik away. i am notbeing harash to your advice. i like it. and i appreciate it. if you could, any more hints appreciated.
Date: Feb 21 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
I agree with xFanarix's comments below; nobody has flamed you, it just doesn't happen on this site. Don't, however, give up - though by all means take chapters down for re-editing, this is excellent practice. The more you write, the more you will improve. Good luck.

Author's Response: thank you for the advice. I willbe re editing and so forth. And I am going to let everyone know that my first language is english. I can't look at the computer screen and type at the same time.
Date: Feb 23 2009