Hey, Not bad so far. I don't know any of these other characters but they fight pretty good. I have one suggestion, can you not make such big spaces between sentences. That is all I ask
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Sorry about that, its just that I wanted to give a feel of suspense as people were reading this, to make it feel like they were reading the movie right in front of their eyes.
Hey not bad, Im not good at writing reviews so bear with me plz. I like your stories because you put a little bit of a twist in each of them. not bad.
Dunedain Ranger of the North
P.S. i have two new chapters up so they are ready
Author's Response: There’s no wrong way to write a review! : ) I do appreciate it all feedback. *shrugs* I like to put twists on things; uh… sometimes I think they annoy people, but I’m glad you like it. -Kitt
Aw, dang it! Now I am stuck here!, Dune growls as he is led to a cell.
Dune: (Turns to Dae with a look of shock mixed with sadness) Why? (All he said before turning away to be pushed into the cell)
In Dune's camp...
Alex: (Walk's up to Shawn) Dune has been captured, since you were the first character he made, you are now in charge.
Shawn: (sighs) I can't believe Dune was betrayed by a friend! (He hears footsteps behind him and turns to see Dune the mouse walking into camp with a sack on his shoulders) You got Jacks rum?
Dune the mouse: (Smirks) Aye! That I did mate!
Shawn: (smiles) good place then in the powder igloo, I have a good idea how to use them.
What could Shawn and the other character's of Dune's be planning? what could be the use for Jack's rum? I don't know, its up to Dae!
Back at igloo...
Jack: (Enters his room and opens his chest, and sees his bottles are gone, he moans and looks up at the ceiling) Why is the rum always gone?
Nice chapters Dae! Hmm, now you are working on team gold's side. I may be captured but I will find a way to escape and why you changed sides!
P.S: Oh I forgot, there is one more character that I forgot to put in, but I am not telling!
Author's Response: Hm, escape from me? NEVER! Mwahaha!
(Peaks out from behind a rock) Now what, yikes! (Ducks a snowball) where are those coming-SPLAT(Snowball hits Dunes face) Grrr!, I will get who ever threw that.
Author's Response: Me *waves*
Hahahahahahahahaha! (Gasps for breath) This is hilatious, umf! ( Gets a snow ball in the face) I will get you for that Merry! (Throws a snow ball back and nails Merry) Bullseye! (suddenly he gets pelted by snowballs from Fei and Dae) "Get out of the story!" cries Fei. (Dune ducks again) ok bye!(ducks behind a tree) well I guess I could watch from behind here. (Snowball nails him in the face) Or not!
(Heads to another spot to view rest of action)
Author's Response: You should join in! You'd be great. Thanks for taking my advice:))
Crap! I am not going to fight a Dark Lord! (Dune ducks back behind his tree. he then looks over a Jack sparrow) I wonder... (Ducks as another snowball nails him) Aw come on! (Runs to a new spot) This is really getting cold, I need to arm myself! ( begins to make his on snowballs) this is going to take a while!
(Dune pulls Jack into his hiding place) I will be needing your help when you wake up, Captain! (continues making snowballs)
(Dune Frowns as he watches Sparrow get frozen) Crap! well so much for that plan, but where did all the water come from! (Looks for snowballs and all are gone) Gosh dang it now I have to start over!
(Dune sighs) well so much for my big plan, Time for me to leave this story. (Picks up a book and mutters a spell, a light appears and Dune is gone) Merry looks over behind the rock "Now what was that?"
Good Job on the story Dae, I was trying to get you in the end but hey, my partner in crime got frozen! Keep up the good work! You may see me at the end.
Revenge shall be mine!
(A light flashes and Dune reappears) What I couldn't stay awya! (Peaks out from behind his rock and gasps!) What the? What the heck is going on?(Shakes his head and looks at the contraption he has brought with him) this had better work!
(Dune grins when he sees them appear in his field of vision) Revenge is mine! Now it is my turn. (Arms catapult that he had gotten from Narnia, Prince Caspian) This should work!(Dune Grunts as he pushes huge snow balls into place) Ok now it is time for me to begin!
(Dune turns to Shawn, Alex, Fletcher, Morion, Scratt, Henry, Tom, Josh and Mac) All right men! get the catapult ready. (Shawn, Fletcher, Alex, Morion and Scratt nod) and get the two cannon's armed with the snow cannonballs! (Henry salutes and so does Josh, Tom and Mac) "Aye sir they will be ready!" (Dune nods) All right then get to it! Dismissed!
Note to Dae: can't really add a chapter right now so I give you control of me and my character's. Do anything with them, but do not, I repeat do not, make them act like girls! (mock scowls and then laughs) Be right back need to add a new chapter to A slave no More!
Author's Response: *Rubs hands together* Okay . . . . Actually, I'll wait for Kitt to update the next chapter and I'll add on from there. This should be interesting . . . Fear me!
Good chapter! I was wondering when a new one was going to be added! Just remember Dae that me and my men are still waiting on the sidelines ready to jump in with our catapult and two cannons! Keep up the good work!
(Letter sent personally to Dae by wolf, and no you can't hold Mith as a prisoner!)
Lincoln: Hello there and who might you be?
Dune: (stands up and salutes) "Dunedain Ranger at your service Mr. President! Big fan of the Civil War sir!"
Lincoln: (laughs) at ease soldier! So you like the Civil War eh?
Dune: (Nods) Yes Mr. President, Pro-union all the way!
Lincoln: (Bends over and whispers in Dunes ear) I like your spirit boy, you make a fine soldier, carry on! (Walks away from Dune's camp)
(Shawn and Max walk over and look after the tall man)
Shawn: was that who I think it was?
Dune: yep Abraham Lincoln, president during the Civil War.
(Dune, Shawn and Max walk back to their tents, not even noticing as a certain Pirate spies on them.)
Jack Sparrow: (Rubs his chin) Now thats interesting!
Good chapter very suspenseful! Now it is my turn!
Don't fear, Dune and his men are here! (laughs) I have been wanting to say that for a while!
Hey Dae, I have updated my Bio, let me know what you think! (I put some of my favorite quotes at the bottom)
Author's Response: Nice quotes. I've only heard of one of them before:)) So, you like Jurassic Park? Awesome movies! I love them all. My favorite part in the third one is when the people get into the labs and in the background you see the raptor run by. *Shivers* I'm trying to write stories. A little hard because one series I'm going to post is called The Unknown Daughter of Feanor. The other series is Daewen which is my story in Middle-earth. Enough about me! Snowball fights are great aren't they? Namarie.
yes Dae, I like snowballs especially when they aren't coming at me, YIPES!(ducks a snowball) must learn to keep my mouth shut! So, do you want me to do the signal or do you want to do it? If I do it, I plan on having another charcter of mine sneak in and rescue you(Hint: he was mentioned in a New friend joins the Battle, he is also from my Redwall Fanfiction) I will let you decide its your story, even though its a round robin!
Dune: (peeks from around a tree and sees Jack Sparrow sneaking through the woods) HEY, JACK SPARROW!
Jack: (Spins around) That's captain Jack Sp-SMACK(Snowball in the mouth)
Dune: that's what you get for messing with one of my friends!
Jack: (Struggles to get back to his feet, spiting out snow) Where are ye Dune? I know you are there! Oof!
Dune: (Jumps onto his back) Give up captain! I need you to tell me where Dae is, NOW!
Jack: And why should I tell you mate? Unless, if you have fee-(dune covers his mouth)
Dune: don't you even start that speech, blah blah, eunich! I've heard it before! She is just a friend and friends protect each other, now where is she?
Jack: (growls) spoilsport, alright she is in the dungeons okay?
Dune: (smiles and gets up) thanks, oh and Jack, don't mess with my friends again, or it won't just be a snowball to the face!
Jack: (smirks) Oh, and prey tell what you plan on doing to me if I do?
Dune: (points above his head as he draws a knife) look up.
Jack: (looks up and sees a big wad of snow haning from the branches above his head) Oh bother...
Jack is covered in a pile of snow.
See, I always help my friends out and sometimes a snowball is just not enough! (laughs)
We will rescue you soon!
Author's Response: Just leave it to me right now. I have it all figured out. *wink* Hey, thanks for dumping snow on Jack. He had it coming! Hey, I put in Charlie's song from Lost and you didn't say anything! You know, You All, Everybody. Hm, I should get the next chapter out. I'm not getting a whole lot of feedback. That sucks. At least I get to hear from you. Thanks again!
I know I should have made a comment about the song, because Charlie was my favorite character on the show! I wish they hadn't killed him off. We just wanted to know because I had an idea, but hey I can change it to add later(laughs) it is more revenge against Jack. Oh I have been meaning to ask you Dae, what did you think of my pther two characters names? They are from my Redwall Fan Fiction, on Fanfiction.net, called Friends till the end! Its a good, happy/sad story. But enough about me and my stories, this story is coming along great, I was rolling on the floor laughing my ears off for how funny some of the chapters are! Keep up the good work and don't worry, just wait awhile, sooner or later there will be more reviews! Farewell!
PS: If you read my Redwall story I think you would get a kick out of the mouse Dune!
Author's Response: I like the names. I will have to check out the story. I'm glad the chapters are funny. I'm not used to writing humor. My favorite Redwall book is Rakkety Tam. Well, I definitely need to post the next chapters soon because I have something wicked planned out:)) Really, really, wicked. Not to leave you hanging, but I'm going to leave you hanging:)) Namarie!
Hmm...I wonder what is going to happen next?
Author's Response: I guess we'll find out:))
This is a note that is written in the snow of the dungeons in the igloo:
I do hope you remember that I said I would escape sooner or later, didn't I! Well if you are reading this, then I have escaped, and I am not telling you where I am going for fear that you will betray mine and your teams trust, again! Before I go, I would like to say that you still are considered my friend and that I am willing to put this behind me, so no hard feelings, unless if my freezing toes can say anything different!
Yours truly and Friend,
Dunedain Ranger of the North
P.S: look down and you should spot a tunnel underneath the straw that covers the floor, one thing I must say about your dungeons, they need solid floors not snow!
Author's Response: Ai! So dramatic! Don't you trust me? :)