Oh crap! that was hilarious!
I found this story to be very compelling. I actually found myself feeling anxious. You did a good job of building suspense. The love scene was well done, erotic but not raunchy, Which to me is much harder to do than just describing body parts. interseting take on the sex life of Eowyn.
Author's Response: It's been such a while since this one got a review that I almost missed it. Thank you to taking the time to read this. I know it was long and could probably have been done in chapters. This was my original idea before I wrote my first story, What Paths... I had only pictured Eowyn and Legolas. But then Faramir worked his way in and the other tale was born. Glad you liked the love scenes. I strive to make them passionate and not overly described. Don't need a sex ed lesson. Just want some lovin. lol
Boy, I'm not really sure how I feel about what Rhav springs on Leggy here at the end or how Leggy reacts to it. On the outside, i want to ring her neck. What she's done seems very selfish, like she didn't consider leggy's feelings at all... But on second look, really, isn't this sort of the way she's always behaved. Focused, borderline obsessive, bull headed, obdurate, doesn't like being told what to do or how to live her life and yes at times selfish, putting what she wants ahead of thier relationship. Now with Leggy, on the outset, i want to Gibbs head slap him and say, "Dude, she didn't even take your feelings to heart! this is a girl who says she loves you and you love a girl who does this to you?!" But again, If I step back and look, Leggy has matured and I think he understands (unlike in the past) she's going to do what she's going to do and he can either accept it or not no matter how much it might hurt him. and he obviously chooses too accept her, faults and all. Now, you have to understand, I'm a react first ask questions later, explosive temper type, so when I read that whole scene I was really upset with both of them, but after thinking about it i think I get it. (even though I may not articulate it well) And by no means is this an attack on you as a writer, so don't think that!! God knows, characters are living, breathing people and they tell you what they want to say and do no matter how badly you want them to do the right thing. (they you'd have not story) You're just the intermediaty that tells thier story. This could just be one of those black moments, too, before the end of a story, that makes you wonder if they will ever get together. I actually didn't know you had posted another chapter. I must have missed it. It seemed like a while since your last post (since you seem to post quite predictably and regularly) so I was glad to see another chapter when I went to your profile!
Author's Response: I must admit, I kind of missed hearing from you. When I posted this last week, there was a bombardment of posts and I got knocked of the most recent list quickly. You can do what I do with stories I follow, like yours. I list the author in my favorites then go to preferences and choose contact when favorites update. That way I don't miss any of my favorite stories. Anyways, I'm glad you can see both sides of these two. When I started out writing this story, I never would have imagined Rhav becoming what she is or how she acts. I think she pisses a lot of people off and sometimes I'm not sure that's such a good thing. I really didn't mean for people to have a negitave reaction. And she has taken her toll on me too. But the last chapter will sum it all up and hopefully it will be satisfying. Though Legolas doesn't propose, they are still together when they can be. They love each other very much and support one another. I tried to write this with an elf's perspective in mind. They are immortal. I think they have a much higher level of patience than humans and maybe that's why readers want to see things happen now. We know we only have a limited time here on earth. Legolas and Rhav have forever. They have established their love, and the fact that they feel each other, even over great distances, proves that there is a bond. I hope to have the last chapter up in the next couple of days and then a couple short stories. I can't thank you enough for your reviews. I hope you're still working on your story too. I still need my dose of Eomer. lol
I love some of the words you use here. Delicious ass, beast, Fuck me, Haldir! lol! It's raw and heated and in the moment.. It's like stuff real people say or do or think when one is over come by lust. Lust is part of the human condition. I, of course, love the word cock and am happy to see you use it in stead of the more ambiguous descriptions. It takes a bit us using to get used to, at least it did for me, put it's so much more graphic and shocking when used properly. I'm not really sure if I feel sorry for her here though... She's sort of brought this on herself. She is unpredictable isn't she. I'm interested to see what she does next! That unpredictablity makes me want to read on! And, ah, Go Pack!
Author's Response: First of all, congrats on your Packers going to the Superbowl. Hope they kick Pitts ass. Well, let me tell you, you're right when you say it takes some getting used to. This chapter was more difficult than I thought. Do you know how many times I typed then backspaced the F-bomb? But there is no love for Haldir, only need for release. She would not tell him to make love to her because that's not what she wants. She just wants to get F@#&ed and then left alone. You may be right. Rhav may have brought part of this on herself. Haldir is an enabler though. Takes two to tango (most of the time lol). Glad you're still enjoying it. Thank you so much Duchess.
Oh, boy! Throwing a movie-verse curve in there kinda twists things up doesn't it! I think I can kinda see where you're going though...I like how you contrast Rhav's bloody side with her tender side. It's a very hard thing to do. To make her both sweet and sympathetic and brutal.
Author's Response: Sometimes movie verse comes in handy, gets you out of a pinch. I think Rhav is trying to move on here and being in the throws of battle helps some. It's like a Jekyll/Hyde syndrome. Blood and sweat draws out this lust she has for Haldir, but when she's not fighting she thinks of Legolas. Eventually something's gotta give though.
Such a tender love scene yet so hot. What I love about Rhav is that she doesn't let a man define who she is or let him distract her from leading her own life and fullfiling her own destiny. This was a great way to end this chapter and I thought the last paragraph showed her courage and strength.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Duchess. I'm glad you see Rhav like this. I want her to be strong and independent, which she hasn't had the chance to do yet. It's time for her to get up and get on. She needs to get back to her roots and remember who she is and what it is she always wanted to be. But like real life, everything comes with a price and she has no idea what's waiting for her out there. Buckle up and strap in. It's gonna get a little bumpy now.
I think this one is building into somehting big. you've got envy and dislike, friction, tension betweent these two. Great for building conflict, which always makes characters more interesting. I very much enjoy you writing voice. You are a storyteller, instead of a writer, and that's what I want to read. If the characters are believible and I can bond withthem, any crazy stuff that happens I will believe. Writers are boring. Storytellers are facinating. And believe me that's a compliment cause ordinarily I would never read anything having to do with elves. I just dont' get them...Ever thought about writing category romance? I think you would be good at it. Very good. Keep up the good work
Author's Response: Thank you for such an encouraging review Duchess. I'm am always glad to see someone try something new. You are not the first to ask about the romance thing. I love doing romance and conflict and I hope it comes through in my stories. Maybe some day I can expand on it. For now, this is good practice. The world of writing is very new to me and reviews like yours revitalize me, especially when I'm starting something new.
i think what i'm liking about this story is the conflict. I don't ever think i've ever read a story about two people who conflict is that they are highly competetive and have a need to outdo each other. It is a unique and clever idea.
Author's Response: They will feel a certain animosity toward each other as long as their pride and passion for being the best gets in the way. They are young yet.
You do such a good job of building suspense and wanting to make the reader anxious to read the next word, the next sentence, the next paragraph. I'm really liking these two!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Duchess. I really like these two also. Rhavaniel has grown on me so much. I think she is what I wish I could be. Glad you are still enjoying this tale.
LOL! sloppy seconds! I love it! If she would have said that any other way it wouldn't have been so biting.
Author's Response: Thanks. I heard her in my head saying this to him
Uh oh! Things are gonna heat up!!
Author's Response: Oh yes they are.
I think you have an excellent sense of pacing. something i'm very envious of. Great cliff hanger and I'm excited to see the possible development of a sub plot! I love that she calls him by his last name! I'm normally not a huge fan of author intrusion, but if we look at this from the point of story telling and with in the scope of the story (especially since Tolkien was essentially retelling and "translating" the orginial stories) I actually find that it is not inappropriate at all. And it's really so inconsequential it would not deter me from reading on!! How in gods name do you kick these out so fast?!!
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks Duchess. You know, I wasn't sure about her name for him. I was afraid it might seem a little to juvenille as an author. But Rhav is sassy. She can't stand him and to call him by his proper name just wasn't enough sometimes. I envisioned her calling him something demeaning to his royal standing but not degrating. And I hate the Greenleaf thing. But I know Thranduilion, though not a last name, was not a proper way to refer to a Prince either. I'm glad you think it works.
nothing like a good old fashion tradgedy to bring people together. They have that in common too now besides their birthdays. You have a natural sense of pace and time. You're able to sum up months or years in just a few sentences. Excellent job.
Author's Response: I'm glad you think so. I've been criticized in the past for lack of time line. I always try to establish that and sometimes, if you aren't paying attention it could be missed. I never did like to spend a lot of time describing the passing of time. Takes too long. lol
i can see now why you believe these two are made for each other. their chemisty is really coming alive.
Author's Response: I appreciate it. My little Rhav is starting to grow up and Legolas too. My how fast they grow. hehe
This was a great chapter and I think perhaps the best written so far, although, you do have a consistant voice which makes your writing a smooth read. Really helped to move the story forward. I like how you've given them a chance to grow and change and bond and just didn't throw them together like one day they hated each other and the next they were passionately in love. It makes it realistic. This probably has a lot to do with your excellent pacing.
Author's Response: I never was one for a fairytale romance. Like you said, F#*$ Prince Charming. Rhav can take care of herself. Legolas will have his hands full. Nothing comes easy and neither will this relationship. Thank you for another uplifting review. I feel you are very honest and will tell me if I begin to falter in any way. Can't wait to get back home so I can concentrate on catching up with your story too.
Jeepers! Why did you have to leave it like that?!! You've done a terrific job building conflict both internal and external with both, but especially with Rhavaniel. At the begininng of the chapt. she still has some doubts about herself and thier relationship, and may be her place in the world, but it seems Leggy is sort of her rock. He sort of grounds her. I like heros that know they care for a girl and show it despite the heroines uncertainty. I thing women want to see that in a hero. Maybe Leggy knows what he wants cause he's older than she is... Very poetic way to confess his love. I do like how you've given her a job in the palace. she's not just sitting around doing needlepoint pining away for a man. Negotiator is an ingenious twist and ghastly uninteresting. totally not suited for her. It makes it seem more real too. That life there isn't all balls and fan fluttering and parties. I can't believe this story is 30,000 words long! Excellent work. Best chapter so far.
Author's Response: She may not know it or would try to deny it but Legolas really is her stability. They both know what they want but it comes easier to Legolas than her for the obvious reasons. I think all my female characters have held some kind of job. As you show in your own story, women did not just sit around and do nothing. I guess I picked negotiator because there would be those times that she was needed outside of Mirkwood. Plus she has a mouth which could come in useful, but you're right, she hates it. So glad you are still enjoying the story. Like yourself, I try to make it seem like real situations in a fantacy world. I always look forward to your reviews.
I love that you chose to use the word 'tits', especially from Leggy's POV. That's what males say. I like to be shocked and did not expect you to use that word. Some may not but I do. Also liked your description of his naked body and the way he moved. Frankly, I am a fan of men who...ah, can't last. It sort of shows their vulnerablity and lack of control in the the face of a woman they care about. Even though they love each other and have finally go it on, there is still continuing doubt and conflict. Some very good prose in this chapter too. Love scenes are extremely difficult to write despite what some people think, and a writers true skill is seen through them. It was hot and still sensuous.
Author's Response: I loved that I shocked you. In the past I have used much more mild descriptions but I would like to get a little more raw. It was a start, if only one word and... it felt good. As far as love scenes, I don't know how well I do with them but I love writing them. It is a natural and beautiful act and always between two people who love each other in my stories. But I would like to write something out of lust some time. Thanks again Duchess.
Good exchange of dialogue here at the end. It flowed very nicely and I could feel and see the tension between the two. Leaving Mirkwood seems like a bit of a twist! This story is a good example of how to write an OC that the reader cares about.
Author's Response: I'm glad you feel this way. Out of all the female oc's I have written, Rhav has touched me the most. When others might give in and do what's right for loved ones, she wants to do what is right for her. It might be selfish but she's just answering a call to her soul. Rhav knows she can't devote herself to others before fulfilling her own desires.
Again, this chapter displays your excellent pacing and ability to sum up events in a only a few words. I like how you call frodo an odd little fellow and I think it's interesting how the ring effects her. I can imagine she is envious that Legolas gets to go but she has to go back to Mirkwood, very frustrating i'm sure. Leggy is charming and probably very charismatic. Not knowing if or when he will ever come back is probably frightening for her too
Author's Response: Thanks again for your comments. Glad everything is still moving smoothly. I had to make the ring affect her. With her job title, she would have jumped right in there to try and figure things out. But it is Frodo who will affect her the most. And Legs, well, I for one would let him affect my anytime. hehe.
The love note was very beautiful!I could feel the passion and felt very bad for Leggy's loss. He's tough, he'll not let it get him down but i'm sure the not knowing will bother him. Isn't that always the worst, the not knowing what happened to someone you love. You've done a great job in keeping your characters in characterand not deviating from their tendancies as eveidenced the latter half of this chapter. She's got balls and doesnt' let Haldir or his brothers intimidate her. I was very glad to see you posted a new chapter as I was having an attack of writer's insecurity and needed the distraction and the chance to bolster someone's confidence. Looking forward to the next chapter
Author's Response: I completely agree, it's the not knowing that can eat away at your conscience. Legs will be fine. He's got that whole... fellowship gig... you know. Anyways, thanks for noticing Rhav's she-balls. Wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley. She's going to have to get used to Haldir. Their stubborn attitudes just might clash. Thanks for the boost and I was glad to be a disruption for you. I do the same thing when I want to write but my muse wants to sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day. And being that my muse is Legolas, he also likes to steal my flat iron and lock himself in the bathroom. *laughs at own joke... pitiful, I know.*