Reviews by Domestic Duchess
Summary: *COMPLETE*With her parents dead and her brother missing, a young Rohirrim girl sets out on a journey of a lifetime. She is on her own in the world, left to face tragedy and wrongful accusations. She must find her way or become just another statistic. It is her desire to find love and peace that pushes her on. When she meets an elf, she sees where she can find such solitude, but the path that leads her there is full of challenges.
Categories: Book-verse, Off Topic Characters: Legolas, Original Character
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Erotica, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sex, Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 72 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 294948 Read Count: 109480
Published: May 23 2011 Updated: Jun 22 2012 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Last Wish Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Oh My God! Anyone who is not reading this because it doesn't have cannon characters at the main characters is an idiot! Oh this is getting so good! It's great that there's some mystery to it and you're not giving it all to us.
Terrwyn is resourceful isn't she? Enterprising, almost entreprenurial. She's not afraid of work and makes a job for herself where ever she goes. She's also kind hearted and, I think, loyal.
If I have to read one more Regency romance where the heroine's only job is to go to musicales and afternoon salon, I'm going to yak. Terrwyn at least has a purpose.
I like Alric too. A very nice man with either a dark past or dark secrets.
I'm excited to see where this is going! I wish I would've come up with this one!

Author's Response: Your reviews are always as entertaining as your story. Yes, Terrwyn has learned a lot from living on the open plains. I think it will come in handy throughout this tale. She is basically on her own now. Alric was the best person that could have taken her in. She's grown up fast and he recognized that, teaching her the skills she needed to see that she could keep herself safe. And you're right, I'd rather read about an independent woman trying to survive than some pampered debutant. As for Alric, he got caught up in something he knew was wrong, but tried to correct it by doing what he thought was right. But there are some things that are not easily forgotten, which Terr will find out soon.
Date: Jun 06 2011
Title: Chapter 4: Trapped Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
I read once in one of my "How to write romance" books that you can't be afraid to do terrible things to your characters. I thought "oh okay, not so tough. I can do that." But it's really really a hard thing to do. Now, I'm not a big fan of the "rape fantasy" (I just don't see how a woman falls in love with a man who does that to her, or why anyone would find rape or sexual violence against women as a turn on)but in uncivilized times (or even in modern times)sexual violence against women was how men excerted thier dominance; it was used to humiliate, exploit, manipulate. Therefore I think it is very realistic in this situation.
Sometimes ambitious men (well, mostly men) will do anything to gain power, or wealth or influence even if it means betraying their own country. And clearly, there were men who did not possess the Rohirrim's social or cultural values; Grima, Grima's father, Fengel, these men here in the last scene.
You've got some really good dialouge here. I think some of the best dialouge you've written. Natural, flowing, very much like normal speaking. And I liked that paragraph describing the men. And really?! You write the best cliff hangers! It really doesn make me want to read the next chapter like, right now!

Author's Response: I agree with you here. I don't understand the rape fantasy idea. It is not a turn on in the least, as far as I'm concerned. And doing bad things to our characters, or putting them in harms way is difficult. I get very personal with my o.c.'s and I find that I want to protect them. But the fact is, things like this happened back then and still happen to this day. The difference is, it was dealt with differently then. Women were easier to use and a lot of the time nothing would be done about it. Thank you for your comments about the dialog, and yes, I have been accused of being a tease with the cliff hangers in the past. Actually, while originally writing this chapter, it was getting a little too long and I had to cut it in half. So it ended up like this, a cliffy. You don't know how much I want to post more than once a week. I have always posted at about a 5 day range. But I want to keep far enough ahead so that posting doesn't catch up to writing.
Date: Jun 13 2011
Title: Chapter 28: 28 Cooks and Books Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
For some reason, Limil reminds me of Geillis Duncan. I mean, without all the scheming! Maybe it's just that part where she makes casual conversation about the vase and then invites her into her own personal room. I like her though, Limil, not Geilis, and enjoyed her story. I love those little tidbits about supporting characters. I bet she's got lots of stories to tell!!lol
Your description of the vase is wonderful. Very, sort of elvish in it's description. I can actually see it.
Your descriptions of the upstairs rooms and Limil's study are very straight forward. I do like the way you told us about what her desk looked like. Very imaginative. But, my point is, yes, it's straight forward, but it also tells us alot about Limil and Curuven. It's character description, showing through telling, not just setting the scene. I think you've said before you don't like setting the scene or find it difficult or something to that effect, but that's why it is important to do so. Yes, you're right, the scene, in this case, does become the characters.
You've built up the tension right at the begining of this chapter so that we're compelled to keep reading!
Okay, so you know all this talk about elves... I always roll my eyes and groan at the hard core elf lovers. Really, I just don't get it (to each their own though!)... But! You write almost solely about elves and yet, I read your stuff almost exclusively. Not because it's about elves, but because there's something about the way you tell a story, or... how fertile your imagination compelling your characters are...your ability to hook me into the story...your understanding or romance or passion (the practical or otherwise)... your story development... the way you're able to convey stories about the human condition, that indefinable whatever that makes me want to read what you write. If I didn't think your stories were good, or if I started to read them and they bored me, frankly, I wouldn't take the time to read them.
I think maybe that's what separates your work from those of other writers of elvish romanance, be they het or slash. That you do the best work you can while still maintaining your perspective, not taking yourself too seriously. You're broad minded. You see the big picture and where you fit into it. Others may be better writers or have a better understanding of technique, but what they produce is sooooo boring, so uncompelling, and so lacking of understanding of the human condition (too philosphical) that I'd rather read the ingredient list on a can of soup. Just fricking entertain me for 15 mins! You always do that!

Author's Response: I don't know what else to say except thanks for all of you kind and encouraging words. OK, so I'm one of the elf lovers. The first step is admitting you have an obsession, LOL. But I've read so many fanfics about elves that are so generic, just pointing out the obvious facts. I already know all of that and I don't want to read or write about it. What I want to do is create a world where my own characters have their own lives, loves and tribulations. Anyone that knows LOTR or elves or anything else will know the rules. I'm here to show the stories that haven't been told. So I play in Tolkiens world while I do it. It's fun. It pushes me to think up my own timelines and plots. And though they are elves, they still need to act in a way that people can relate to. I'm just glad you have an interest in my stories. Your reviews, your suggestions and all the things you point out help me so much to make sure I'm staying on track and know that I'm still entertaining.
Date: Oct 12 2011
Title: Chapter 30: 30 The Injured Traveler Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
It just occured to me that I read this Chapter but never reviewed it! Sorry about that! I know reviews feed the soul and you look forward to them.
I wonder if this mysterious elf patient will play a bigger role in this story? Will he make advances towards Terr making Fer mad? or Oh! this just occured to me! Is this Fer's father?! That would rock! Have you told us yet who was the Gondorian--his mother or father? What a complication that would be if both father and son fell for the same girl! (This is just my imagination taking over... Possible fodder for another story for you there!)
The way you sort of wrote Terr's hesitancy around him is very believable. This mysterious new guy must be something else!
This sentence: Horphen smiled and patted Feredir on the back. “It’s good to have you back, brother.”
Is that brother as in companion or brother as in family relation. I guess I'll have to read on and see, but nice way to leave the scene open. Again, though, interesting possiblities.

Author's Response: No worries, but I am glad to hear from you. I gotta say, you have just as overactive an imagination as me, some really good guesses. I do have a chapter coming up that explains Feredir's heritage, but to let you in on it early, his mother was an elf and his father a Gondorian. Orth will be revealed next chapter. As for Horphen he is a brother in arms, not blood related. He's actually Fer's best friend and battle partner.
Date: Oct 26 2011
Title: Chapter 31: 31 A Job Well Done Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Arg! You're keeping us in suspense over who Orthrorien is! How cruel and positively great! There must be some real tension, and not of the good kind between those two.
You're doing a very good job of working in the mystery part of this story and building it, dropping little hints her and there, adding details. This story is a mystery, of a sort. Personally, I don't see how people write mysteries, they are so complex and require alot of planning. (So says the girl writing an enormously epic and complicated storyline lol. I read somewhere that Romantic Suspense/Thrillers are some of the more difficult stories to write. Probably since they have two actual plots instead of one plot and one sub plot.
That whole scene you did there with O and Terr was wonderful. It's so hard to write that fantastical stuff, especially if you've never experienced anything simliar to losing yourself is time and space. I did get this sense that she was involved with some inner struggle, losing her self or whatever, while time still went on around her or without her, as the case maybe. I thought it was wonderful writing.
I can sense the electricity between O and Terr too and was actually squirmy and upset that she might really want to run off with O!
Such a good start to this chapter too with a non sequetir.

Author's Response: In my previous review, I said Orth would be revealed next chp. I meant after this one, sorry. I'm much futther ahead in my writing than the chps I post and get lost sometimes. I'll tell you, this is my first attempt at a mystery/suspense/romance story and I didn't start out that way. It's taken on a life of its own, forcing me to get out of my comfort zone and it is not at all easy. I've written myself into a situation that I had to get out of, which meant going back and revising about 4 or 5 chapters. It's hard to look ahead without it being overwhelming. I've never second guessed myself so much, but I'm having a great time with it.
Date: Oct 26 2011
Title: Chapter 35: 35 Lessons Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Wow, there's so much good stuff here. Such tension and confusion, but also love. Love does, after all, conquer all!
And yes, I probably would have been mad at Terrwyn if she would've slept with "the big O."!
YOu have several examples of really good descripitive writing. I could see and feel O behind Terr. And some of the choices of words, or maybe the way you chose to describe actions lent themselves to the visual very well. Sometimes I wish I was as good as you are at saying things so succinctly, or so simply.
You know, I really think you should try to write some publishable. I think you could find a real niche in writing historical fantasy involving elves and maybe ancient Britain or the ancient Celts. Now, this is just my personal opinion (and long days spent alone with no company except the vaccum cleaner and my overly active imagination) but I think this elves in real life thing has potential. I mean, you've read Outlander. Those people really believed fairies and water horses actually existed. If all you know is the world around you, why not? Who's to say otherwise? If you believe something exists--god, angels, the devil, monsters, then they do. Have you thought about writing a book from this kind of perspective? Not that you have to... but, just a suggestion, since I know elves is your thing. You don't have to abandon them just to write publishable stories. You just have to approach it in a different way.
Did you ever see that show on the Histroy channel about LOTR... Clash of the Gods it was called. See if you can't find it somewhere online to watch... I'll see if I can link the episode to you.
Oh! And thanks for the Packer's shout out! I hope they don't lose to the Lions! YOu never know what Lions team will show up!

Author's Response: I have given a lot of thought to trying my hand at writing something original. For me, it's a big step, climbing out of the Tolkien sandbox. I'm not sure it would be with elves though. I do love writing them in fanfiction, but my own work I'm not so sure. I do love fantasy and ancient times. I know there is something there, I just haven't thought of it yet. It would be a dream come true and I'm not giving up hope that it will happen. Writing is too deeply embedded in my soul.
Date: Nov 22 2011
Title: Chapter 43: 43 Full Circle Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
It's nice that Terr finally got to meet the elf that gave her the butterfly. When you started writing this did you know it was antien or did it just come to you later?
The whole O/Feona thing I didn't see coming.
Terr is clearly a very endearing person for so many to want to help her and be near to her.
Just wanted to mention, and now I can't find the sentence, once the word waist was mentioned but i think you meant waste. Damn homonyms! your stuff is always so clean I just wanted to point it out to you. When you write so many words it's bound to happen occasionally! lol

Author's Response: You know, it never fails. I have two sets of eyes looking over these chapters and still some things get past us . . . So here's the story with Terr and the elf. When I was writing Taming the Wild and Antien was entertaining the pair of children at Helm's Deep, I started getting a flicker of an idea. As I got closer to finishing Taming, I was thinking more and more about a connecting story, but one that could hold its own. So I knew long before writing the first word for Journey that Antien would be that elf. I guess you could say that he started the whole thing . . . Orth and Feona make a very steamy couple, though what they have is just a fling. I actually wrote something rather explicit for them , but it will not be a part of this story. If I decide to write for Feona, I will likely include it then. I'll just say this, I think Orth met his sexual equal with Feona. They're both a couple of horndogs, lol.
Date: Jan 13 2012
Title: Chapter 40: 40 Here and Now Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Cute chapter!
I got a kick out of the pink liquid limil gives to the mother with the boy who has the fever. Anybody with kids is laughing over that thinking it's Amoxicillin.
What's nice and what keeps the reader still interested in reading is still the uncertainty that these two will not find true happiness. There's still alot of tension and alot of unknown even though they both have now admitted their feelings.
This is the best kind of love story. One with high stakes for both individuals involved.

Author's Response: That's so funny. I hadn't even thought about the color of the med before. I guess it was a subconscious thing. Lord knows I've seen it enough, lol.
Date: Dec 28 2011
Title: Chapter 44: 44 A Sense Of Community Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
I'm excited to see what happens in Rohan and in Rhun and what becomes of O and Fer's mother.
The scene there in the woods was very telling about Fer. He's sort of matured. Putting down roots, making a life for himself, a future, no longer living as a nomad, so to speak. It shows how far he's come and tying it into what Terr said to him a while back shows us how she and his relationship with her has changed him. He's become a man, a real man, because of her. If only all men were this easily swayed. lol
Loved that one or two sentence love scene you've got there. It's tender and beautiful. Love scenes don't always have to be 25000 word diatribes. Sometimes the fewer words the better...subtlety. You can still write eroticly and sensually, convey emotion and conflict and do it one sentence. Sometimes, a scene can be so intimate between two character, you don't want to invade their privacy. they are after all real people, and you don't always want them exposed. Less said the better at those times. It's not about titilation but connection. Well, I don't know how you feel about it, but that's how I feel about Eomer and Loti sometimes...
As a spy, when you're working an op, unless you want to get dead in some remote wilderness a thousand miles from civilization, you need to be able to trust the members of your team, be as close to them as they are to you. Your very life depends on them (I've watched one too many episodes of Burn Notice). So, it's very shrewd of Glandur to send Orthorien and Horphen off with Feredir.
I'm sure you're learning, as I am, these mystery/spy/suspense/thriller/political intrigue stories are not easy to write. They need to be very carefully crafted, but once they take on a life of their own, they just blow up. I wouldn't mind seeing you write another romantic/mystery. You're like the Nora Roberts of LOTR fanfiction!

Author's Response: Yes, I too thought it was time for Fer to grow up and embrace all that makes him who he is. I really do agree with you about love scenes. Some of the best ones I've read have been short with just enough info to draw a picture. Not every love scene needs to be a chapter worth of explanations, though sometimes it's fun to write, but exhausting. We've seen Terr and Fer's first time and some other milestones. To me, the sexiest thing is describing the brush of a hand or the touch of a kiss. You wrote in a review once, "the rest is all just in and out." That has stuck with me. I think to take my writing to the next notch I need to tone things down while still getting my point across. Still, at times I just can't help myself. It's a turn on to write the explicit stuff, I just don't want to do it all the time, every chapter. Boy, you're right about writing a mystery thriller rollercoaster of a story. It really takes a lot of preplanning when doing this. It's hard challenging stuff. It's easy to back yourself into a corner and sucks when you have to go back and rewrite a few chapters so things work out the way they should, but I really enjoy doing it. I think I may have found my niche. And wow what a compliment coming from you. Thanks for following, giving advice and encouragement. It's most appreciated. And, btw, I'm a big fan of Burn Notice (Shall I shoot them?) Love her. Have you ever watched Leverage? Another one of my favs.
Date: Jan 19 2012
Title: Chapter 41: 41 The Plan Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
You have some beautiful, almost poetic language in this chapter. When you write that flowing, flowery prose, it seems to flow so naturally. There's definately a rhythm to it.
I mean, seriously, is there anything sexier than a man in pj pants?! There's something rugged, yet fragile about them, like you could just pull on the string and they would fall right off! lol
I love Fer's ferocity, especially when it comes to Terr and her safety.
I'm really excited to see what is going to happen to Fer and his buddies in Rhun.
There's so much unknown in both the romance plot and they mystery plot it's driving me nuts not to know what happens next!!

Author's Response: I don't know what kind of mood I was in, but when I wrote that for Fer, it just came out so easily. Maybe it's the fact that I've been wanting him to say this to her ever since I thought of this story. Oh and the pants! I'm telling you, if I knew someone who could draw, I would have them create that scene, string included, lol.
Date: Jan 02 2012
Title: Chapter 42: 42 What Is Proper Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
For the love of all that's holy! You're killing me here! Ugh! What a great way to end this chapter!
I can tell you really enjoyed writing this last part where they were in the bar. Your prose just flows naturally and with something else... beauty? passion?...and descriptions leap off the page when you're really having a good time with something.
Setting the scene there was hilarious! I could just see Fer looking befaffled.
Great stuff! I could literally cut the tension with a knife here at the end!
Something tells me this story is totally going to snowball from here!

Author's Response: You pegged it. I really did enjoy writing this chapter and the next also. When I wrote this, I finally got a good visual for Feona and loved describing her. Everything just seemed to mix together easily, Fer and Terr, the newly painted bar, Orth and Feona, Antien. Can't wait to post the next as soon as it's ready.
Date: Jan 06 2012
Title: Chapter 45: 45 Prisoner Of Rohan Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
So much emotion and passion in this chapter. Lightly philosophical and spirtiual with out being glaring. I think all humans, be they from our world or a fantasy world all have some sort of spiritual belief, some sort of life after death senerio. I was just thinking about this the other day, about writing fantasy. When you do, you need to know what your definition of Faerie is. What is humanity? What stories are common throughout humanity? Why are some stories or objects or ideas common to many cultures even though they are separated by mountains or oceans? Is it because those things are part of the human condition? That's why I think it's okay to include spirtuality in this story, not the mention this setting and I think it's okay to include quotes from Ruth, or say, the Song of Solomon. Not only are they beautiful, but they are so very human. I think maybe alot of canonites might not think it's okay, since there really isn't a lot of spitituality in the books. But then again, in the LOTR world, you don't need a whole lot of "faith" when you know something to be true.
Much to my embarrassment, I got a little misty eyed here at then end when she gives him the butterfly. What can I say. It was lovely and so heartfelt. a lot of passion. My heart ached. Now I know why it's called Journey of a Butterfly, for more than one reason. So smart. That's a good writer!
Isn't it interesting how two people interpret things?! Your interpretation of the Rohirrim is much more...classical, while mine is barbarous civility. I totally agree that the inhabitants would be curious, especially about strangers. Isolated as they are, they would probably love gossip and be very hospitable. I don't think, ingeneral, the Rohirrim would be openly hostile, but a mother facing what she thinks is her son's killer is exempt from that rule, so I have no objection to her reaction. It's totally natural plus it further's the story line.
There's actually alot going on in this chapter even though it's not that long. So much unknown and so much worry from everybody involved including the reader!
I soooo want to knw what's going to happen! I can't believe i'm gonna have to wait a week to find out more!

Author's Response: You're getting all philosophical on me when I'm coming off of a sinus infection. I had to read your review a few times before it got through the mucus. I think there is a common understanding among most people of a greater power, spirit, god or whatever it might be that we believe in. A lot of the time, simply 'hope' seems to keep people of Middle-earth believing in their cause, keeping the faith I guess you could say. When Terr gives Fer the butterfly, I felt she was passing the torch in a way. Her chances now are very slim. Fer will go on and he will keep her alive through his memories. The butterfly is all she has left that proves she existed. Is she giving up hope? No, but she has accepted the possibility that these may be her last days. As far as Rohan goes, I think there was a lot of "barbarous civility" as you say. They lived in a harsh enviroment with little education. I love that about them. It has really shaped them as a rough and tough people. But the citizens I'm portraying here are not the norm for Rohirric society. The mother and father are hurt over the death of their son, unable to accept anything they may hear about his cruel intentions. They are out for blood, Terr's blood and they will recruit anyone that agrees with them. They want revenge. It won't bring back their son, but it will make them feel better to see her suffer. I hope I've made sense as I'm struggling to answer through the fog in my head. Really bad for trying to write too. My muses have left me for fear of catching my cold, lol.
Date: Jan 25 2012
Title: Chapter 46: 46 Enemy Territory Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Do you have any idea how good this chapter really is? It's excellent.
One of the best things is the scene setting. Not just the physical place but the feel of oppression and fear.
I love the philoshy of the rights of the individuls and freedom vs tyranny (soft or hard). Autocrats come in all forms, although autocratic governments are the most likely to keep individuals poor uneducated and unarmed, virtual slaves, but any one individual who oppresses another individual's right, freedom or liberty is an autocrat by defintion.
It seems to me that you've thought alot about explotation and oppression. Sometimes people will do whatever it takes not to die. That whole survival instinct, I suppose.
This paragraph:
It seemed that later in the afternoon there was going to be a rather long awaited auctioning of slaves. These were not just any slaves. These were men who were assimilated, long time servants who knew the rules. They came at a higher price, because they needed no training, unlike the young boys Feredir had seen on his way in. These were men who no longer remembered their former lives and were brainwashed into believing that this was the best life they could hope for now. They had survived all these years and would be loyal to their new masters. These were the men who were only a step away from gaining the trust of the Southrons. If they proved their worth, they would be treated well and perhaps given some authority over other household slaves or property.
is probably the smartest thing you've ever written. I loved it especially the assmiliation part. Oppression, fear of the autocrat and tyranny becomes a part of them. Keep them poor uneducated and unarmed lone enough and eventually, it becomes part of the culture. this assimilation, fear, mindless zombie metality, dear leader know what's best for me cycle is probably why it's hard to get revolutions going in places like North Korea.
On to more heaps of praise. This whole scene with Fer is fantastic. Where else would he go to get good gossip but the bar! Good Believeable dialouge, interesing characters acting in the way I expect them to act. There's so much tension and danger too!
The only thing I'm wondering is: Why does Fer come right out and ask for this one particular slave. Is it because he's reckless? I mean, I get that this dirt bag is greedy and isn't going to ask alot of questions cause he wants that money but he doesn't seem like a very trusting guy either. Fer is a stranger. Maybe it's not even relative to the story. Maybe this dirt bag is going to double cross fer. After all it is your story!lol. I also get that Fer isn't a trained spy. But that was the only thing that seemed... curious to me. Not that it's distracing from the story, just something I picked up on.
Oh and I liked this line too: “Perhaps she would not make such a good wife. Already she has a wandering eye.”
I'm still so excited for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks Duchess. This means a lot to me. This part of the story was difficult for me. Iíve never written like this before, at least the plot. Romance? No problem, but when you start getting into the Indiana Jones type stuff, itís sometimes a real brain teaser. There is a reason why I needed to show the oppression here. The constant question was, well why donít they just run away? I needed to show why that is not an option and in later chapters it will hopefully help solidify the reason. If you beat someone down long enough and tell them that they are worthless, eventually they start to believe that. And then you can dangle the carrot in front of them. They get their reward and suddenly you control their self-worth. After they are assimilated, their value increases. Itís all kind of a sick business. Anyways, I think you answered your own question about Fer. Yes, he is reckless. He kind of has no choice but to be this way. First of all, thatís just Fer, act first and deal with the rest later. But he is also thinking only of Terr at this point. Her life is on the line, a very thin line. He has no time to develop trust with the Southrons. Heís gotta get in and get out quickly. Heís thinking on his toes and hoping it will be enough. I would say asking for a specific slave is not common and would raise all kinds of suspicions, but then the bad guy is in a crooked business of his own. Thereís nothing you canít ask him for that he wonít find, as long as the price is right. So yes, Fer can ask him about a certain slave and pretend it is for his master. Iím sure word gets around about certain well trained servants and their value is just as high as material things. He who has the most and best toys wins. Still, Fer is acting out of desperation. Knowing that Terr is locked up in that horrid cell is breaking his heart every day that passes. The weight of the world is on his shoulders. Terrís life is in his hands. His arrogance pushes him to make these quick decisions. Although he has grown mentally, heís still young enough to think he is invincible, that he can get himself out of any situation. There are lessons to be learned though and I think Fer will come to realize that Ďrecklessí does not mean untouchable.
Date: Jan 31 2012
Title: Chapter 47: 47 Dangerous Games Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Loved it! Totally didn't see that coming with the girl in green. I never would have guessed that she was setting him up. I like too how you didn't give her a name, just called her the girl in green. It keeps in line with the whole sort of oppression/lack of identity/indivdualism thing.
I just took a class from the RWA abotu story logic. (Dont' ask me how you can be a writer and have trouble with story logic). But my point is, your characters, motivations, plots are always logically. There's always a reason why things are done, or things happen. Of course Fer doesn't think about the consequences of going into that tunnel. He's reckless by nature and desperate. If he suddenly starts acting timid, he better have a darn good reason. Even then, I'd think the story had jumped the shark. I guess some people like you just have a natural feel for story logic.
Seriously, though... this story is so great, I don't know how you're going to top it! lol

Author's Response: I had to laugh at what you said about Feredir behaving timidly. Not only would the story take an insane turn of direction, you'd probably think that I got hit in the head or something. The girl in green, unfortunately has no choice but to help set Fer up. She tried to warn him, but he's not listening. And as far as logic, I don't see how you can write without it. Everything happens for a reason is what I always say and that holds true when I write too. It drives me crazy when I'm going along and all of a sudden I start thinking, why the hell are they doing this? Where am I going with this? If I don't have an answer I know I'm going in the wrong direction and it's back to square one. So now the pressure is on huh Duchess? Haha!! Oh, there is always something brewing on the back burner of my brain. Don't know if it will top this, but hopefully it will be entertaining.
Date: Feb 07 2012
Title: Chapter 49: 49 The Slave Trader Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Wow! You did an awesome job of building suspense here! I totally thought there was going to be a Black Jack Randall moment in here! lol I like seeing Fer's more fierce human side. It's that part of him that makes his character come to life. The whole tatoo thing at the end here with his father was heartbreaking. I was under the impression he'd never met his father, but maybe you were keeping that a big secret.

Author's Response: LOL, oh goodness, I could never do that to Feredir, though it was a close call. Orth has good timing. Feredir likes to think of himself as an elf, but when he needs to, he channels the man. The story of the tatto and his father was kind of left out on purpose, but in an upcoming chapter he will have a chance to tell the back story.
Date: Feb 15 2012
Title: Chapter 50: 50 Getting Out Alive Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Good solid chapter. I liked some of the descriptive phrases you used. Too bad about the girl in green. You're really good at writing that bittersweet stuff.

Author's Response: Thanks. Yea, the girl was very tempted, but in the end she knew it would only bring harm to her and the others and I think she feels that she's done enough of that already.
Date: Feb 21 2012
Title: Chapter 51: 51 Reconciliation Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
It's nice to see things get out in the open and settled between Or and Fer. No longer alot of judging and fingerpointing and resentment. But you know who I felt sorry for here was their mother. With the exception of Or, she'll have lost all the men she loves. What price immortality, eh?
It's that whole choice thing--mortality/immortality--that intrigues me about this story. I think that Fer and Terr's love is more powerful because he does have a choice. Fer is willing to give up literally everything for her--his people, destiny, family, life. That above all things is telling about Fer. He's no coward, that's for sure.

Author's Response: It was definitely time to get the brothers together. With everything they have just been through, I think it helped them face their differences, if anything for their mother's sake. I think that alone will make her parting slightly easier, knowing her sons have reconciled. Immortality and having to decide when to leave the world seems like it would be an impossible decision. I think that is why they hear the call to sail otherwise some might never leave. As for Fer's mom, she stronger than Orth gives her credit and I think that's only because he wants Fer to join him across the sea and uses her as a reason. He's not one for exposing his true deep down feelings.
Date: Feb 27 2012
Title: Chapter 60: 60 Along the Way Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
This chapter was seriously funny. I liked all of the stuttering and bantering going on between O and Hor and then the three of them at the end. I could tell you had fun writing this.

Author's Response: I actually wrote this chapter a long time ago. It was originally going to be in an earlier part of the story, but I changed things around and it no longer fit. Still, I knew I wanted to keep it. So I tweaked it to fit in and just had a fricking blast with it.
Date: Apr 12 2012
Title: Chapter 61: 61 Coming Home Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
I was told I use too many words. So...It's nice to meet new people and start a new adventure. Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Well, I'm not sure what's going on, Duchess, but I for one think you are fine the way you are. But who am I but a fan of the best het writer in the genre. I'm not sure you realize it, but I look forward to your reviews and take everything you tell me and try to apply it to my writing. So you are never long winded as far as I'm concerned.
Date: Apr 20 2012
Title: Chapter 62: 62 Silver Silk Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Oh ho ho! I see where this is going and I think it's great!
I don't know about you, but I love back story. It adds so much to a character. I love knowing about their lives prior to what happened today or what happened to them that makes them who they are. I've been longing to know all the details regarding Fer's parents and their relationship. And this whole new thing with Ter's father and now this new character pops up. ;-) I like how you're always putting characters in uncomfortable positions. But that's what makes for great reading though right?!

Author's Response: I do love a good back story too. It always feels like putting that missing puzzle piece in place. I like to sit back and say, oh now I understand why so and so is that way, etc. Another thing is, taking them to new places inspires the introduction of new characters, plus any side stories that might arise. I would have answered my reviews sooner, but SOMEONE has recommend a book that I can't seem to put down. (wink wink)
Date: Apr 23 2012
Another love story by Farawein Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 7]
Summary: two lovers are torn apart by her uncle's will, and when he is sent off to war, she finds more and more clues as to how and why her parents were killed. soon discovering, that they are not the last to die. (Please read it)
Categories: Book-verse Characters: Original Character
Genres: Romance
Warnings: Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 22 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 19294 Read Count: 17383
Published: Jun 22 2011 Updated: Jul 05 2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning of The End Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Have you ever read a story in told in the second person? The "You" point of view. "You walked down the street to buy the morning paper."
As opposed to the more common first and third person point of views "I walked down the street to buy a morning paper." "He walked down the street to buy a morning paper."
Because very little is written in the second person, it's sort of awkward and weird... maybe a little disconcerting... I always find it hard to read and less smooth. Something about it makes is difficult for me to connect with the characters.
That's sort of how I feel about writing in the present tense. Not many do it. Not many can do it and do it well, just like not many can write in the second person and do it well.
Does that make any better sense?
Good for you to being open to suggestion. You'll become a better writer that way!!
Date: Jun 24 2011
Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning of The End Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
This is far far better than the first posting. You actually write really good prose. The opening paragraph is exactly what the reader needs. That being said, write more prose. Just go on rambling about stuff here and there. What the room looks like, the shapes of their bodies, smells, touch. That kind of thing. senses help set the scene. There's a gazillion things you could say. Especially in het romance, women like to know what the man looks like. How he walks, talks, sounds. He's a male, he should act like one.
There's still alot of pronoun verb action sentences, although they're not as glaring as the previous posting. Try looking at things from outside the box. Like this sentence: He anticipates her response.
Instead try saying, He waited anxiously, awaiting her response. or Breathless, he waited for her to respond. or His heart beat a thunderous tatoo in his chest, blood pounding behind eyes and temples, inside his ears, but her response was not what he'd anticipated. Alsela's head snapped up from its place resting in the hollow of his shoulder, blue slanted cat-like eyes huge in disbelief.
Something like that. That tell the reader a ton!
Like I said before, you're going to write this however you want to write this but I personally think this needs to be written in past tense and not present tense. You are technically the storyteller, reiterating the story of these two back to the audience. These events have already happened. It's kind of like reading something told in the second person "you" as opposed to "I" or "He, She, They." It makes the read much less smooth and slightly uncomfortable.
I definately see who's point of view this chapter is coming from, so that's a good thing!
A few puctuation, spelling, capitalization whatevers, but in the grand scheme of things, those are minor. Plot, pacing, description, characterization, prose and dialouge are much more more important. Be aware of it, but don't let the grammer nazis irk you over it.
Keep writing! You'll always keep learning and always keep getting better!

Author's Response: thank you so much for elaborating on that one line. It gave me some good ideas for my other chapters I've already written. but also, could you elaborate on the "you" and "i" or "he,she they" thing, i dont quite get what you were trying to say.
Date: Jun 23 2011
Love Games by L8Bleumr Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 5]
Summary: Legolas learns that life in Ithilien leaves no time for his wife, but this time she will not take 'no' for an answer. Part of my Untamed series, this story is related to my epic, Taming the Wild, but can be read as a stand alone.
Categories: Book-verse, Off Topic Characters: Legolas
Genres: Erotica, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sex
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3707 Read Count: 3361
Published: Jul 07 2011 Updated: Jul 07 2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Love Games - Untamed Series Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
HA! The old hide under the desk bit, huh?! Like a bad 70's porno! I lol'ed so hard!Sometimes, there's nothing more gratifing that watching your man squirm!
I liked some of your action words here. And Gimli, he's so self absorbed sometimes! Oh, and your love scenes are always steamy!!

Author's Response: Thanks. I just couldn't resist. Now if I can only think of Legolas' revenge. Something tells me Rhav won't mind too much though.
Date: Jul 07 2011
Summary: Back in the saddle again. Legolas, Rhavaniel and a small company of elves and dwarves travel to Minas Tirith to help in the rebuilding. Along the way Legolas' thoughts turn to more than reconstructing gardens.
Categories: Book-verse, Off Topic Characters: Legolas, Original Character
Genres: Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sex
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2927 Read Count: 3588
Published: Aug 19 2011 Updated: Aug 19 2011 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
Wow! This is so good. You really know these two, understand them and love them. It's tender, yet erotic.
You've got good, believable dialouge, more vivid descriptions thatn you normally seem to wrtie, much more showing than telling here too. These sentences are so simple yet so telling about their relationship and the love Leggy had for Rhav; sort of philsophical:
Those words had more meaning than for the reason they were spoken. No matter what happened or who she was, Legolas would never release her from his love or his life. Whether she was a warrior or a timid elleth, he would love her and that was the most comforting thing Rhavaniel could have ever wanted in her world.
This is the perfect example of showing vs telling. I like how you said she cupped him and then this one too: balls ached and hardened, ready to release.
They're both so passionate... and so naughty!

Author's Response: I feel like these two have earned their place in the spotlight. Their story has been told, they've been through enough. Now it's time for cake and ice cream. (or chocolate, lol) I get to show them the way I have always seen them, even before I wrote Taming. They like to play and tease, but in the end it's a deep affection they have for each other. Respect, comfort and trust is what allows them to be this way. They are an old married couple who are still on their honeymoon. So glad you liked this piece and the ball cupping too, hehe!
Date: Aug 19 2011
Summary: They met only briefly, but she will forever be in his dreams until he returns home. (written for a challenge titled Dreams)
Categories: Book-verse, Movie-verse Characters: Legolas, Original Character
Genres: Mystery, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10775 Read Count: 3558
Published: Sep 16 2011 Updated: Feb 23 2013 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Domestic Duchess Signed
This is a really nice little story. I give you credit for finding the time to do challenges when you're working on other projects too! I wish I had the time to write other things.
You're prose here is really good. I get a good sense of the place and location the action happens in; sort of a heavenly or spiritual place. Your scene setting is nice with lots of showing rather than telling.
Again, elves aren't really my thing, but you seem to have a good sense for them. Writing them seems to come very naturally to you. Does that makes sense? It's sort of hard to explain. I can tell you enjoy writing them.
Your Gimli's are always hilarious!
Your stories are always unique. You follow the "formula" (which by the way, we all have to do if we are going to write romance. It's just part of the deal), but you're not afraid to think outside the box or break the rules. Your stories alway have a "hitch" and i like it!

Author's Response: This project was a fun little get away from my other epic. Yes, I do love elves as well as muscular men, but I like to get back to the magic every once in a while. I like the challenge of writing an original female who is not a marysue or obnoxious. And I love Gimli and his gruffness ( not sure if that's a word ). Thanks for reading this. I know elves aren't your thing but I hope that mine are not what you expect them to be.
Date: Sep 17 2011