Have deleted all my stories from lotrfanfiction.com because, unless one writes spewy Mary-Sues, there's little to no feedback to be had from readers here. What's the point in posting if no one can be bothered to let you know what they think of your work; point out what's great and what needs improvement? I don't know how many times I've left author's notes at the bottom of my chapters, asking people to review - it really is the only reward an author gets - but clearly nobody gives a toss. It's like working for nothing, and I'm not prepared to do that any more. To those few who ever have taken the time to not only read, but review any fic of mine here onsite, I am truly grateful to you. I thank you most sincerely. Au revoir and good luck.
I've only read part-way through the 1st chapter, but had to stop to tell you that you're doing great so far. Wormwood is a total cad, but very interesting with it. A fascinating opening scene with him duping the farmer and his lad (and how dishonourable of him to induce them to steal from the dead). And the backstory with Saruman and Merryweather gives him so much depth. Am very impressed thus far.
the descriptive prose thus far is excellent, and your depictions of medieval burial methods (following large-scale battle), the environment, and the social/judicial restructuring following the West's victory over Sauron give the first half of thei chapter depth and authenticity. Love it.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that I'm not a fan of Arwen, m'dear, regardless of who writes her. She's just not my cup of teas (too perfect/boring/annoying). And though I love the characterisation of Wormwood, not even your excellent writing skills have the power to sway my opinion on that point, or read her tale further. So sorry!
Might I iffer a tip for the future, though, as one author to another? Elvish vernacular! Awen and Luthilla's dialogue in this chapter struck me as more contemporary American than Middle-earth Westron. And I don't truly believe that Elrond would dissaprove of his beloved daughter's friend simply because she wasn't royal; he's just not elitist/sbobby enough for that.
You don't have a story featuring Wormwood, though, do you? Because - honestly - he is one of the most intriguing OCs I've ever read. You portray his character so vividly that I, as a reader, can't help being drawn to him. Funny how all the cads have 'worm' in their names, isn't it? Wormtongue, Wormtail, Wormwood ...
All the best,
Kara's Aunty ;)
you captured Amroth's despair nicely here. Poor bloke! I was genuinely moved as he described the vibrancy of the living forest while his own life ebbed away.
Kara's Aunty :)
Author's Response: Thank you for enjoying, reading, and of course, reviewing! =) I am glad you enjoyed it. It was a somewhat hard piece for me to write, trying to slip into the mind of one who just lost his love, glad you liked it =)
I do like Haldir. He always appealed to me more than Legolas - there's just something about him ... So I enjoyed this wee mixture of prose and poetry from his pov. Very touching to see an emotive chink in his armour. Poor elf! Kara's Aunty ;)
Author's Response: In my story the Heart of Stone, there were certain events that caused the chink. So honestly i think if it were to happen in reality to his, the marchwarden and haldir would be two different person trapped in one sexy body :)
Hello Uvatha the Horseman,
an intriguing story. I'm not sure that Sauron would feel as much repentance as he does here, but who knows? Either way, I felt genuinely sorry for him as he struggeled between panic at and acceptance of his doom. And the last two words of the final chapter - simple though they were - chilled my blood. I can't believe I felt sorry for a Dark Lord (and particularly this Dark Lord), but I did, and that's says a lot about your skill with words.
Kara's Aunty ;)
gosh, it's daunting writing that first story, isn't it? You're not sure how to tackle it, or if it will make sense, or if people will read and enjoy it. And, having posted it, you find yourself sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for that first review (and hoping it's not a bad one).
So well done to you for writing and posting this in the first place!
As for the fic itself: you tackled a difficult subject for your first fic, and I admire your courage for it! Poor Frodo, having lost his parents so tragically and at such a young age. And being with that very unpleasant Miss Honeysuckle when he heard the news, too. I felt very sorry for him.
You might want to think about developing the scene a little more, though, because (in this fic) Frodo was barely informed of his parents' deaths (by some random stranger) when he was packed off to Brandy Hall. It would have been better for Frodo to have a relative from Brandy Hall tell him what happened, and to be with him when he grieved. Hobbit families are generally close-knit, so this would be more in keeping with their ways.
You do need to work on grammar and spelling, m'dear. and there were some contemporary words in the fic that I don't believe hobbits would have used (hon, sweetie, vitamins).
Don't worry about the criticisms too much just now - plot and character development, grammar, etc are all things that will improve as your writing develops. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about - my first story wasn't structured nearly as well as yours ...
Best of luck with your writing, and I'm glad to welcome another writer of hobbit fics to the world of lote fandom.
Kara's Aunty ;)
I didn't realise at first she was elvish (or half-elvish). Lucky she's so handy in battle. Not so lucky for her foes, though ...
The elves language is very contemporary here, and they swear a lot, both of which are a little distracting. I suppose battle can harden one that way. Still, perhaps if their language was tempered a little so it was more appropriate to their kind?
Keep on writing! And thanks for the tip on the new 'Hobbit' trailer! I've been watching it on a loop for two days. Am now a pervy Dwarf-fancier ...
Wow. Florien's an arse isn't he? She's well shot of him, IMO.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!!! I agree he is an arse and he deserved every slap!!
A beautiful , elegantly-written piece, rich with character and full of depth, despite its length. Very well done, EldarinPrincess!
Author's Response: Thank you, Kara. I wanted to capture the loneliness Lady Galadriel feels, along with the power she embodies as contrasts to one another. I also wanted to convey the distance her husband feels, the disconnect he has with her.