Members: Chiara Cadrich
The progression from the other story I read to this one is evident. Much more sophisticated writing style, very well done.
Great piece. Cory has heart.
When Boromir tells his birthdate the second time, it should include 'of the Third Age' if he saw how bewildered cory was. Just a thought. But again. Dialog doesnt miss a beat.
The story of her fiancee and its effect on her really hits home, very believable.
And the both of them with the children, the connection is felt, a very touching moment.
Beth is a great character, the depth you put in this chapter is a great addition to the repetiore.
And again, with the kids. so damn cute.
The part about Cory's double personality is important. Cant say why.
But the Love Actually reference is deeply appreciated,
and i would /hate/ to be Boromir...
Holy Shnike. The stimulation of the dream, ending in the rage, leaving Cory slick and SOL...
Choice of movies is immactulate. Watching the relationship grow is pleasant. Good piece.
I was waiting for this moment.
The plot with the Donnelly case is a welcome change of pace. And its nice to know Cory is smiling.
Thriller vibe is really hitting.
The plot thickens.
Figures Boromir wouldnt know to wrap it up. And Cory was that desperate.
Impressive. The switch between Selene and Raleighs points of view is staccatto but manages not to be jarring. It flows. I imagine it as a movie.
And you capture the mind of a teenage girl quite well, I assume.
And they say boys think about sex more than girls. Pfft.
Transition from previous chapter is a little, how do i put it... awkward, but followable.
Your detail of the Trollshaws was awesome in this chapter, really made me feel involved.
Gotta love Elrond.
Characters captured quite well, especially merry and pippin. I can see a bit of you in this Selene, if heightened.
Good dialog though, really. Better than i could do.
Saruman, darkly powerful and subtly frightening, voice and being like an earwig burrowing into your brain. Well done.